Back story: My brother is much older than I . I have no other siblings. When I was born he had already left home and started his career. When he visited he seemed more like a kindly uncle than my brother.We didn't see much of each other over the years, yearly visits perhaps to his various abodes.
As we both aged we started emailing and when he and his wife moved abroad we didn't see each other for many years. It's just how it was, the affection was there though.I saw them both over these last ten years at their home abroad on several occasions . Three years ago they came back here as his wife's physical health was poor, she needed a new hip.
I hadn't seen my brother even though they only lived a two hour drive away: he phoned me not long after coming home, in tears, to say his wife had drawn up a black list of people never to visit them and I was on it! She would make life intolerable if he disobeyed her.
Sadly I agreed not to visit for the foreseeable future.I let this continue until now. We emailed but had to keep it general as she read and deleted them.
My niece , their daughter emailed me a month ago to say my brother had cancer( I didn't know ), and that they were playing it low key and calmly so as not to upset his wife. Visiting wasn't allowed ( but then when ever was it for me ? ).
I left it for two weeks and emailed my niece to ask how my brother was, she said sorry she thought she'd contacted me, my brother died shortly after her first email. They'd had a direct cremation .
I feel myriad emotions, but chiefly rage. Red hot anger that I squandered three years because I pandered to his wife's foibles.
How can I get past this?
So sorry for this tome. Not like me at all.
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