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Bereavement

upsetting

(18 Posts)
vincennes1 Fri 22-Jan-21 15:00:51

My partner passed away in October 2020 and its still very raw and upsetting. I hadnt seen anyone for three weeks now even my bubble with my daughter and grandsons havent come over. I spoke to her today she said dont know if we will come over as shopping is coming and football is on;. It really upset me suppose the football comes first. Perhaps I am being selfish but I know lot of people dont get to see anyone but after losing someone as well it makes it worse.

M0nica Fri 22-Jan-21 15:14:23

vincennes1 I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It must be so difficult to have lost your partner so recently and be so much alone.

Some people, even close family can find someone elses loss, difficult to handle, they do not know what to say, are afraid what you will be like. Are frightened, themselves, at being confronted by the realisation that we all are mortal. Sometimes they want to 'protect' their children from death in case it frightens them. That is why football comes first.

But welcome to Gransnet. here you will meet others in your position and who also are going through it alone, so stay with us and we will do our best to offer some comfort.

Patsy70 Fri 22-Jan-21 15:36:24

So very sorry to hear of your recent loss vincennes1. There will be others on Gransnet who will be in a similar situation, and able to empathise with you. As a mother, I understand we don’t like to put pressure on our children when we really could do with their support. However, maybe just ask for her company and a chat over a cup of tea? A brief visit of only 30 minutes would make all the difference. Warm wishes. flowers

Toadinthehole Fri 22-Jan-21 15:48:21

So sad to hear of your loss vincennes. It’s difficult enough to lose someone in normal times.....but at the moment, everything is compounded by covid. I would bet this is what’s pre occupying your daughter, and she’s not really thinking. Was your partner her father? Could it be she’s struggling with grief, and therefore feels if she limits the time she spends with you, it’ll be easier for her, and handling of her children. Or she may just feel awkward.
Whatever it is, talking is the answer. As Patsy says, it doesn’t have to be too long. You are still very raw. Give yourself time to grieve. Small steps. Don’t look any further than ‘ today’. I’m sure you’ll get responses from people who have suffered as you have.💐

Sarnia Fri 22-Jan-21 15:50:15

Although I haven't been in your current position, I really feel for you. Life at the moment is very hard for many people but to have a recent loss to add to it must be doubly difficult. Perhaps you could get in touch with your daughter and tell her how you feel. I wouldn't mention anything about football coming first but say you would love to see her to have a cuppa and a chat. Take care.

sodapop Fri 22-Jan-21 16:12:51

So sorry for your loss vincennes thanks
I agree with Sarnia tell your daughter you would like to see her for a while.

GagaJo Fri 22-Jan-21 16:22:27

Can you tell your daughter that you are having a hard time at the moment and that some company for a little while would help? If she can't come over, could you talk to her on Facetime?

vincennes1 Fri 22-Jan-21 16:36:07

Thank you all your advise has helped a lot.

Squiffy Fri 22-Jan-21 17:01:06

flowers

lemsip Fri 22-Jan-21 17:04:05

for anyone in the uk this is a confidential help line to talk to someone about anything on your mind.... Esther Rantzen is the founder. Maybe useful for anyone with no one to talk to.

www.thesilverline.org.uk/the-world-has-changed-but-we-are-still-here/

Call us ANYTIME on: 0800 4 70 80 90

Primrose5 Sun 28-Feb-21 12:28:26

Hello everyone. I am new to gransnet and am in need of some advice. I am in my late 60’s and my husband is 73. Sadly my younger sister has been diagnosed terminal cancer and has been told there is no possibility of her surviving. In addition she has now had a massive stroke. As there is no hope of recovery she is at home and receiving end of life care. The doctors have no idea how much longer she has. I have visited with my husband for half an hour or so for quite a few weeks and been extremely careful but as the weeks pass into months I am getting more and more stressed about the possibility of getting covid, well actually my husband getting covid. I am heartbroken by the thought of losing her, we have always been very close, but at the same time feel guilty at the thought of even considering not visiting in case my husband gets ill with covid. Also I desperately want to see my very young grandchildren who live hundreds of miles away and whom I haven’t seen for almost 8 months now. I just can’t stop crying and feel absolutely confused. My brain just flits between feeling extremely sad, loss, guilt and I just don’t know what to do for the best. I would appreciate any thoughts, I know it has to be my own decision but would still appreciate any help. Thank you.

silverlining48 Sun 28-Feb-21 13:55:24

Primrose i am sorry about your sister. Have you both had the vaccination, that is supposed to give you good protection. You could also wear a mask when you visit, make sure there is ventilation, open window etc, easier now that the weather is warmer. Do t stay overlong and wash hands, the usual.
The main thing is you have had the vaccination. My best wishes.
(If you don’t get much response you might want to start a new thread.)

Hithere Sun 28-Feb-21 15:03:59

Could your daughter have redefined her bubble?

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your post has very limited background and there could be a million reasons why this is happening now

welbeck Sun 28-Feb-21 15:19:08

Primrose, sorry to hear about your situation.
you will get more replies if you start your own new thread.
why don't you go visit your sister without your husband.
even if he is needed for driving duties, he could stay in the car or go for a walk while you see your sister.
that would reduce his risk and your worry about it.
all the best.

Hithere Sun 28-Feb-21 15:40:39

In a post in oct, you mentioned your daughter has an illness. Is this still the case?

NellG Sun 28-Feb-21 15:47:07

Hithere

In a post in oct, you mentioned your daughter has an illness. Is this still the case?

I think it's a different poster from the OP who's triggered the thread again.

Hithere Sun 28-Feb-21 15:51:48

Primrose

There are a lot of items that are intermingled in your post - your sister's condition, your worry about your husband getting covid, not seeing your gc in 8 months, etc.

First, what kind of support has your sister requested?

Second, sorry to say your husband is exposed to covid though you even if he doesnt visit.
Why do you think there is a higher risk of covid?
If anything, there are further precautions to avoid it

Third: your grandkids.
I feel that is totally unrelated to what's going on with your sister but aggravates it even more.

Four: you are going through a devastating process of grieving your sister's loss while she is still alive.
Have you though of going to counseling?
You also need to put you first and prioritize your mental health

Slow down and take a breather.

Hithere Sun 28-Feb-21 15:54:13

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