A colleague was widowed after thirty years of marriage and remarried very quickly (to a divorcee) before his first wife had been dead a year. That was six years ago. The second marriage is not a happy one.
He has started going to bereavement counselling but hasn’t told his second wife. He says she is jealous of his first wife and doesn’t like to hear him talking about her. He thinks her knowing about the counselling would only make things worse. He says it helps to be able to talk about his first wife with someone who isn’t judgemental.
I am a long-time widow myself after my husband died young so I know that the pain of loss never goes away completely. I have never remarried. I’ve been in relationships since with men who were single or divorced. None of them ever seemed interested in asking or hearing about my late husband so I kept quiet.
I'm wondering whether this situation with my colleague has arisen because he rushed into the second marriage or would still have happened had he left it longer. Listening to him talking about his first wife, I suspect there’s a degree of idealising both her and their marriage which might make the second wife uncomfortable. Maybe couples therapy would be a better solution so they could both try to get this into perspective.
For those who have been widowed and remarried, have you ever been to bereavement counselling or felt the need for counselling long after you remarried? If you are a second spouse or partner how would you feel about that? If you have remarried, are you able to talk freely to your second spouse or partner about your first?
StatenIsland Tue 23-Feb-21 10:14:24
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