Loss of DH after illness

I am so sorry that your husband is no longer with you. Each of us experience our loss differently.
I did have periods of anxiety, mainly when confronting things that he normally attended to for the first few times (taking the car for servicing and the like). If you are constantly anxious perhaps your doctor could temporarily prescribe medication to help you through this time.
Best wishes ?

I’m so so sorry for your loss. It is so early days for you. To experience anxiety as well as grief is entirely normal. I lost my husband over five years ago. You do feel stronger eventually as you cope with things on your own but I still wake up feeling anxious. It is normal to think ‘this awful thing has happened what will happen next?’ I was with my lovely husband for 45 years from the age of 16. The best thing I did to help myself was attend a bereavement group at the hospice. I now have a group of friends who are all widows. I know this may be hard to do at the moment but to talk to people in the same position as yourself is such a huge help. It is not all misery. We go out for meals and enjoy chatting

So sorry Nanamar. When someone close dies it is a huge shock even when you know it is coming. The nurse in me tells me that adrenaline is running through the system and everything is heightened because of that. Also there is such a lot to do and sort that it is overwhelming. The other thought is that you yourself are not immortal and sometimes fear that you will also become ill. Please look after yourself and sometimes it is good to have some time alone when lots of things have been happening. My thoughts are with you x

So sorry For your loss. You will feel anxious and many other emotions you will work through it and I hope you take one day at a time.look after yourself.

Sorry for your sadness, a day at a time is all you can do for now. take care.

So sorry for your loss.
I’m not surprised you are feeling anxious, I’ve not lost my husband but, although I know I would manage, I know it would be so hard. Although your husband was obviously very sick he was still part of your team. Now that focus has gone you need to readjust to your new life and that will take time and involve stress.

So sorry for your loss Nanamar.

My condolences too NanaMar so much help and advice on here I can't add to it.
Take care of yourself now

DH died in 2019. Although he had been ill for some years and was obviously deteriorating I wasn't expecting him to die so soon. I had a week during which he was not conscious and I was able to sit with him everyday and start sorting my head out. It was all very strange but I don't remember feeling any anxiety. Perhaps it helped that I had a meeting with his consultant a couple of weeks later and we talked and hugged and confirmed that we'd managed to keep him going for so many years and there was no more we could have done.

So sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your great loss nananar

Sending sincere condolences, nanamar. This is a life changing event for you. Just be kind to yourself

nanamar I am so sorry for your loss. I was very anxious after my DH died and couldn't understand why at the time.
The grieving process goes through stages although I was only aware of it later as I found it difficult to think straight in the early days.
Don't expect too much of yourself. Accept all offers of help and it will get easier but I know you won't feel that it will yet.

Please accept my condolences nanamar??

Your world has tilted on its axis. I think anxiety is not at all surprising. Sending warm thoughts and hope that you can gather the strength to get through this. You will. You will. xx

Deepest sympathy to you and your family Nanamar.
3 weeks is no time at all and it wouldn’t be surprising if you are feeling anxious - and a whole lot of other emotions too.
? for you and give yourself time to grieve.

So very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 10years ago after over 30 years of marriage. It was not unexpected but came sooner than anyone expected. It is never easy. Our daughter and son-in-law were brilliant. I talked to my GP who helped a lot. I learned to be independent but not frightened to ask for help. I also found that when people offered help they meant it but didn’t know what I needed until I asked. Give yourself time. Don’t try to make all those difficult decisions all at once. Time will give you strength to move forward.

Nanamar, it isn't going to go away instantly. You've had to be hyper alert and aware for months (years?) you don't just stop feeling that. Bodies are really weird re trauma. I cared for my daughter who is disabled full time until a few years ago and when she went into supported living I found I had issues with adrenaline. I must have run on empty for much of the time so my body just carried on with the adrenaline when I no longer needed it. Do talk to your GP x

I lost my DH 7 years ago from an awful illness . He had never been ill in his life. I was never a frightened person but after he’d gone I started getting anxious . When I was shopping I just wanted to get home in my secure surroundings. I just couldn’t come to terms that he wasn’t here anymore . I did have grief counselling which helped. As I personally don’t agree on taking medication for grief. Everyone who loses a loved one grieves differently. There’s no perfect way to grieve . There will come a time of gratitude . Thankful for the wonderful years you had together . It just takes time .

Please accept my sincere condolences be kind to yourself at this very difficult time

Thank you all for your condolences and for sharing your words of wisdom and affirmation of my emotions. You’ve all said it so well. I do have support - have been with a therapist for over a year due to the stress of DH’s illness and other family matters, have medication, etc. Our adult son has been living with us for about a year due to his (fortunately amicable) divorce and I see our DGS almost everyday so I’m not alone - unless I want to be,
which I do at times - legacy of growing up as an only child. I guess I just expected to not be watching for what’s around the corner as I did during his illness and the feeling of fear and dread I have was not anticipated.

I’m so sorry, Nanamar.

So sorry for your loss Nanamar.Sending you my condolences?

So sorry to hear of your loss, Nanamar.

Anxiety is definitely a part of grief as well as physical exhaustion, sadness and a sense of loss. Make time to recover from the demands of being your DH's carer.

I hope you have plenty of support.

Nanamar any emotion you feel is the right emotion. I was widowed 17 years ago aged 45 my husband was 47. In my experience I have learnt that when you lose your husband you lose half of yourself . If he was your other half of you it doesn't matter if you have been together a year or 50. I still feel half of me is missing. What surprised me is the anger and rage I felt. I thought I shouldn't be feeling this way. But they are normal emotions. When your husband dies not only do you lose him but also your present and future. You still have your past together. But have to make a new present and future and it's hard. You will feel is it worth going on. But you do. Because you know he would want you to. Our children where 20 and 16 when their dad died. But if you have children and grandchildren the loss is the same age doesn't make any difference.

Some days I didn't want to wash or eat. But you make yourself do it. Because you have to. Grief consumes you and it is so hard to get through each day. But you do.

50 years with the same man by your side through thick and thin is a great achievement. I know how I felt. We had been together since I was 16 he was 18. A couple for 29 years married nearly 23.

In my experience you think the worst is his dieing. But living without the other half of you is far worse. My husband died in agony from cancer I told him to stop fighting and he died minutes afterwards. His suffering was over. But nobody tells you how your suffering starts from that moment.

The early weeks and months there is so much to do so you can distract yourself for a while. But at night alone in bed it hits you. You put out your hand and expect him to be there.

If you want to cry, scream or hit a pillow do it. Don't bottle your emotions up. Took me years to realise that. You don't have to be brave for everyone else. What has given me comfort all these years is I talk out loud to my husband everyday. I have swore and shouted at him for leaving me and blamed him for things . But it's all natural and normal to feel like this . Only wish someone had told me this in the early years instead of feeling guilty and wicked. He didn't want to die it wasn't his choice. We and I am an atheist. But what also gives me comfort is the children have his DNA and our 5 grandson's have parts as well.

They say time is a great healer. In my experience it's not. You learn to cope and make a new life for yourself. But you are never the same person you were.

Even now after all these years grief can still wash over me at the oddest moments.

I had to do a lot of firsts for the first time on my own. And it's hard.

You will learn to cope but you don't have to be strong if you don't want to be . Like I said no emotion you feel is wrong. Grief is all consuming. I felt and still feel sometimes like I am walking in treacle.

I if only one thing I have said helps you then it was worth the tears writing this.