Losing my son

So sorry campbellwise, grief is love with nowhere to go My friend's partner's son was killed three years ago and he is still very, very sad. There is no time limit for grief.

When my husband died I searched for help on line and liked this 'Ball in the Jar' analogy, it helped a little. Do read it through to the end.

community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved-spouses-and-partners-forum/f/bereaved_spouse-forum/64421/ball-in-a-jar---an-article-on-grief

In addition to anti-depressants, I consciously try to visualise my daughter in heaven, with God's arms wrapped around her. I see her healthy, whole, full of vigour and life, laughing, running, and doing all the things she was unable to do on earth. I see her telling me not to be sad, that I still have a lot of work left to do on earth before I can join her.

That one day, soon, I and all our other loved ones will be with her in heaven too.

That we will be re-united for all eternity.

This life is only a very small part of our existence - the rest of it is the best of it and yet to come.

It helps to talk to oneself internally and visualise the future and eternity.

In any event it takes a good couple of years before grieving becomes more manageable but losing a child is a different ball-game and I imagine the process lasts a lot longer.

Never having been in that situation, I've seen/ met those who have lost a child. One of my best friends lost her daughter through illness in 1995 and can still shed a tear but the hurt has gone which I know lasted a long time.

If you feel that you're not coping have a word with your GP who will be the best person to advise you. Don't leave it too long. There are group sessions for people in your situation as to talk over your feelings does help with others who are like-minded.

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am struggling to cope with bereavement. What has really really helped me is going on anti-depressants, I don't believe I could have coped without that. I am on Prozac, and believe me, it has made a HUGE difference. Without it I was waking up every day with horrific nightmares, palpitations, and breathlessness, all brought on by thoughts of my loved one's death. Now, while the sadness remains, and I continue to miss them and always will, I am able to function and get on with my life in a way I was unable to before.

For very many years I hated the very thought of taking any "psychiatric" medication that would "mess with my brain". I realised recently that that was just stupidity and prejudice.

Depression is caused by, and/or can lead to, biochemical changes in the brain. These changes are rectified by appropriate anti-depressants. Just as diabetics need insulin, those of us who are depressed for a prolonged period need anti-depressants.

Please talk to your GP and get him or her to prescribe medication.

It will help you cope with the loss.

And eventually you won't need the medication any more.

I haven’t experienced this loss campbellwise though I have a close friend who has. What she says to me is if she feels like crying she does, without embarrassment. For her it has been quite a few years and she will tell me the pain is always there but she found some help in volunteering and talking to others in similar circumstances. I think it would be too early for you to do that yet but I am just giving you that thought. Hugs to you and I hope you find someone you can really talk to about it. ?

I'm so sorry to read this campbellwise. I haven't lost a child, so can't give any advice, but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Someone who is better able to give advice will, I'm sure, respond soon.