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Do any other widows sometimes wonder if their behaviour is still influenced by their late partner?

(12 Posts)
Shandy57 Sat 08-May-21 11:32:22

I was just wondering if anyone has behaved in a way that makes them wonder this. I dreamt about my late husband on 7 March, just before I was selling my house, and took it as a sign that I should proceed. I haven't dreamt of him again.

When I sold, I was determined to move south, and start my life again, rather than move down into the village here. I visited two different counties and looked at lots of properties, but my budget was so small I couldn't get what I wanted. Or thought I wanted. At the time I didn't want to end up in a bungalow in an anonymous side street. But that's what has happened - and it has turned out for the best for me, I feel very fortunate to be in a small place I can afford, surrounded by nice people, my dog is also enjoying his walks a lot more as we see lots of people. I wonder if his balanced Libran thinking and consideration has somehow guided me here.

Ellianne Sat 08-May-21 11:41:47

Oh Shandy I remember your moving journey and meeting you in one of those far flung locations. Of course your husband was with you every step of the way. The decision you made was the right one and it is so lovely to think your husband might have guided you there. Every best wish.

Elusivebutterfly Sat 08-May-21 12:26:26

I think living with someone for many years means their personality and attitude does affect you so it is only natural for you to do something in the way your husband would have done.
I dream about my husband but don't think he is affecting my choices now. First time buying a house on my own (like others here) was unnerving with no-one else to advise.

Bluesmum Thu 20-May-21 16:58:16

I know I am still influenced by my late husband and I love it! We were together for 57 years and he was so clever and so worldly wise, he always came up with the best ideas and decisions. He always insisted on changing my car every three years so I was always as mechanically safe and road worthy as possible. I loved my previous car, the last one we chose together and I really wanted to keep it forever but when it got to three years, I just had to trade it in for a new one, as I could “feel” he was breathing down my neck to do so! I wanted to get the same model, but I hated the latest version, so changed brands completely and I am so pleased I did it, love my car and feel his approval every time I start the engine!

Bluesmum Thu 20-May-21 17:01:25

PS meant to also say, I always talk any problem or decision over with him still and I take great comfort in knowing exactly what decision he would make, most of the time!!!

AGAA4 Thu 20-May-21 17:06:23

Yes he still 'talks' to me. When I was dithering about taking a job I could almost hear him saying "go for it". It was the right decision.

allule Tue 01-Jun-21 19:11:06

I found my husbands death less devastating than I had dreaded, partly because it was gradual as he drifted away, and I then felt his presence still around.
I think of it as a ball of plasticine or play dough. We started as a ball of red and a ball of blue. Over 55 years these largely mingled to make a purple ball, with red and blue streaks of individuality.
His death halved the ball, but not back into separate red and blue. The partnership is halved, but some of me has gone with him, and some of him stays with me.
I find this helps.

Aveline Tue 01-Jun-21 22:00:46

Very well put allule. I think you've described it perfectly.

Hellogirl1 Tue 01-Jun-21 22:33:24

My daughter keeps saying I should give up Tesco shopping deliveries and go back to Asda. But a few years ago, Asda let us down badly, and my husband said we`ll never go there again, so therefore I won`t. My daughter says he`s not here now, but to me that makes no difference.

MaggsMcG Wed 02-Jun-21 14:54:06

I lost my DH on 1st Feb. I'm managing well but Yes I do feel things he did still influence me. Some of them are good ideas that I am happy to continue, but some of them are habits I have picked up over the years. Possibly I will change them to suit me at some point but not yet. I will also be moving in a couple of years, if I'm still able to, as my house was too big for even just the two of us. He didn't want to move so we started making adjustments to the house. I know he will have agreed with me now I'm alone to move to something more suitable for me to manage.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 02-Jun-21 15:14:48

If faced with a problem I sometimes ask myself 'what would DH do?' - he certainly wouldn't dither like me as I am the world's worst procrastinator.

Luckygirl Wed 02-Jun-21 16:35:31

I hear him in my ear!

Particularly when I am doing something that he would have regarded as reckless - he was a terrible worrier!