Suicide Bereavement

Suem51

I'm recently bereaved by suicide. My sone died intestate in June, leaving two girls aged 8 & 4. He was separated from his partner, sharing the care of his girls 50/50. His ex is now demanding items of furniture and tools from the house . How can I deal with this?

Hi Suem51

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

I can’t advise I’m afraid, but would suggest that you start a new thread rather than tag on to an old post so as not to cause any distress to the original poster. It would also enable others to respond direct to you rather than them thinking they were responding to the original poster.

Take care x

Taking your own life is the most powerful statement you can make about how you believe the world has treated you.

No one else can ever understand that.

This is relatively Old thread. I don’t think Annie will be reading it.

Thinking of you Annie. I wasn’t on GN at the time but having read through this lovely supportive thread, it’s clear you should be proud of what you did for your daughter and her children. It sounds like you have been very busy holding everyone else up and it’s only now you have time to think about your own grief. Grief never goes away, we just learn to incorporate it into our lives going forward. Anniversaries can be difficult times but perhaps you should consider talking to someone if you continue to find it difficult to cope? Your daughter is loved, honoured and remembered. Be kind to yourself. Xx

Ps this thread has restored my faith in the GN community.

Not a child Annie but a dear friend, someone who made us laugh until we cried, his sharp wit and great timing were something to behold.
Our 3 children adored him, we all miss him still.

As two families for over 20 years we all had an annual pilgrimage to SW Scotland in May, we haven’t had the heart to return.
I’m crying now writing this thinking how he probably felt inside as he had us all holding our sides.

Like your daughter Annie he will never be forgotten, we have to find a way to move on and for us his close friends it took some years to realise that we could never have done anything to stop him.

He is at peace.

I wish I could take some of your pain.

Yes Annie. DH’s brother less than a year ago.

Anniebach sent you a pm

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

As to the the tools and furniture, is there a reason to hold onto them?

I am only asking as it is sometimes easier to take the path of least resistance, when you already have the weight of the world on your shoulders, rather than battle yet another storm.

Would your grandchildren benefit from having the tools and furniture in their home?

I'm recently bereaved by suicide. My sone died intestate in June, leaving two girls aged 8 & 4. He was separated from his partner, sharing the care of his girls 50/50. His ex is now demanding items of furniture and tools from the house . How can I deal with this?

I can understand how people with long term mental illness feel they can't carry on fighting it day by day. Your daughter expressed it perfectly Annie. There is such limited support available even with the best will in the world from professionals. Still we hear of people having to be hospitalised miles from their home because of the lack of suitable places.
Like BlueBelle my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a beloved child. ?

My heart is so sad to read all these posts and my heart goes out to anyone who has lost their child, it is unthinkable

Yes Annie I remember those days so well and the helplessness of you and the love you created on here We don’t always agree on threads but I ve never felt anything but great empathy for you and any other posters who lose their child

To all the people on here who have lost their loved one to suicide or anything else please accept my most sincere love sent to you ♥️

kittypaws I am so relieved to learn you have support, I pray
no one will have to cope without support. I will never forget the morning I was told by telephone Catherine was dead, there was no one, I turned to Gransnet in shock and grief and I received such support and kindness.

panadapatch perhaps your son like my daughter, she had tried several times before , she didn’t want to die but didn’t want to live until she was too tired of fighting the illness .

We learn to live with it but - ‘not get over it ‘

Maybe. My son died 3 years ago (aged 34) on the bank holiday weekend, so it's in my mind even more than usual this week. He had been battling paranoid schizophrenia for nearly 15 years and was so tired of the fight. He had started self medicating with whatever he could get hold of and died of an overdose. We will never know if it was intentional - but i know he was very unhappy. I miss him every day and am so lucky to have family around and my 2 little grandsons are what keep me going. I haven't got any word of wisdon, but there is a lot of god advice on here

Hello Anniebach, yes thank goodness we have good supportive friends, many of them were my son's friends.
Family, not so much, not that there are many of them, but some , like cousins for example, have not even been in touch.
I have also joined a couple of bereavement support groups, it helps to be able to talk to people who are going through the same thing, although sometimes reading their sad stories can make you feel worse, it emphasizes the fact that you don't get over this, you just have to live with it.

I'm tearing up reading these heart breaking stories. To loose a child must be like a kind of dying, and by suicide... I just can't imagine. I haven't experienced this but my beautiful and promising toddler son experienced a series of devastating seizures years ago and as a result is no longer the person he could have been, but a dependent adult whom I finding it more and more difficult to cope with as the years roll on.
Sending hugs to all who suffer loss.

You are more than welcome kittypaws. Its so raw, so early, take things day by day and hope that you get support from others some of whom have been in your shoes. My best wishes x

kittypaws do you have lots of support ? x

Thank you silverlining48 xx

I really feel for you, i have been affected by suicide with 4 family members, the pain does get better but it's always there in the back of your mind and surfaces now and again when something reminds you of them

Kitty paws so very sorry. X

I had two nieces who took their own lives.One of them left three children.Both of them suffered from depression.
The devastation this caused in the family still goes on.

I agree Annie. I have suffered myself. Having down day it certainly isn't. My brother was also given ECT (Is that the right term?) which was terrifying for him
Hopefully things are different now. I hope so.

I have seen the treatment my daughter received at a and e on a number of occasions. She was literally out of her mind but she was treated like a nuisance. The first time the police were so kind they said they wished they could take her somewhere she would get help but a and e would be better for now.
I am not criticising a and e my point really is all this lets talk about mental health sometimes makes me want to scream. Very few people really want to hear. Sufferers are regularly passed from pillar to post and don't receive treatment
I can't really put in to words the lows of living with the disease obviously for the sufferer but also for their family. It is a never ending curse.

Good grief Kate1949 how brutal, I do wonder just how much
of the talking about mental health is making any difference, having a down day is not a mental illness, now some class it as
such.

My brother tried several times too. On one occasion when he was taken to hospital, a porter asked my sister who was with him 'What's happened to him?'. When she explained, the porter raised his eyes to the ceiling abd said 'Oh he's one of those' and walked off in disgust.