Suicide Bereavement

I'm recently bereaved by suicide. My sone died intestate in June, leaving two girls aged 8 & 4. He was separated from his partner, sharing the care of his girls 50/50. His ex is now demanding items of furniture and tools from the house . How can I deal with this?

I can understand how people with long term mental illness feel they can't carry on fighting it day by day. Your daughter expressed it perfectly Annie. There is such limited support available even with the best will in the world from professionals. Still we hear of people having to be hospitalised miles from their home because of the lack of suitable places.
Like BlueBelle my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a beloved child. ?

My heart is so sad to read all these posts and my heart goes out to anyone who has lost their child, it is unthinkable

Yes Annie I remember those days so well and the helplessness of you and the love you created on here We don’t always agree on threads but I ve never felt anything but great empathy for you and any other posters who lose their child

To all the people on here who have lost their loved one to suicide or anything else please accept my most sincere love sent to you ♥️

kittypaws I am so relieved to learn you have support, I pray
no one will have to cope without support. I will never forget the morning I was told by telephone Catherine was dead, there was no one, I turned to Gransnet in shock and grief and I received such support and kindness.

panadapatch perhaps your son like my daughter, she had tried several times before , she didn’t want to die but didn’t want to live until she was too tired of fighting the illness .

We learn to live with it but - ‘not get over it ‘

Maybe. My son died 3 years ago (aged 34) on the bank holiday weekend, so it's in my mind even more than usual this week. He had been battling paranoid schizophrenia for nearly 15 years and was so tired of the fight. He had started self medicating with whatever he could get hold of and died of an overdose. We will never know if it was intentional - but i know he was very unhappy. I miss him every day and am so lucky to have family around and my 2 little grandsons are what keep me going. I haven't got any word of wisdon, but there is a lot of god advice on here

Hello Anniebach, yes thank goodness we have good supportive friends, many of them were my son's friends.
Family, not so much, not that there are many of them, but some , like cousins for example, have not even been in touch.
I have also joined a couple of bereavement support groups, it helps to be able to talk to people who are going through the same thing, although sometimes reading their sad stories can make you feel worse, it emphasizes the fact that you don't get over this, you just have to live with it.

I'm tearing up reading these heart breaking stories. To loose a child must be like a kind of dying, and by suicide... I just can't imagine. I haven't experienced this but my beautiful and promising toddler son experienced a series of devastating seizures years ago and as a result is no longer the person he could have been, but a dependent adult whom I finding it more and more difficult to cope with as the years roll on.
Sending hugs to all who suffer loss.

You are more than welcome kittypaws. Its so raw, so early, take things day by day and hope that you get support from others some of whom have been in your shoes. My best wishes x

kittypaws do you have lots of support ? x

Thank you silverlining48 xx

I really feel for you, i have been affected by suicide with 4 family members, the pain does get better but it's always there in the back of your mind and surfaces now and again when something reminds you of them

Kitty paws so very sorry. X

I had two nieces who took their own lives.One of them left three children.Both of them suffered from depression.
The devastation this caused in the family still goes on.

I agree Annie. I have suffered myself. Having down day it certainly isn't. My brother was also given ECT (Is that the right term?) which was terrifying for him
Hopefully things are different now. I hope so.

I have seen the treatment my daughter received at a and e on a number of occasions. She was literally out of her mind but she was treated like a nuisance. The first time the police were so kind they said they wished they could take her somewhere she would get help but a and e would be better for now.
I am not criticising a and e my point really is all this lets talk about mental health sometimes makes me want to scream. Very few people really want to hear. Sufferers are regularly passed from pillar to post and don't receive treatment
I can't really put in to words the lows of living with the disease obviously for the sufferer but also for their family. It is a never ending curse.

Good grief Kate1949 how brutal, I do wonder just how much
of the talking about mental health is making any difference, having a down day is not a mental illness, now some class it as
such.

My brother tried several times too. On one occasion when he was taken to hospital, a porter asked my sister who was with him 'What's happened to him?'. When she explained, the porter raised his eyes to the ceiling abd said 'Oh he's one of those' and walked off in disgust.

kittypaws with Bipolar thinking isn’t clear , Catherine tried several times, I asked her why , she said ‘I don’t want to die but
i don’t want to live *, the night she did take her life she wrote messages on her living room wall, one said ‘I am too tired to
fight this illness anymore’ .

Bipolar drains the mind, the highs, the lows.

Fennel I too ask myself questions, some are so irrational,
I once even questioned why two daughters brought up the same, both loved, only difference which came to mind was I
breast fed Catherine, it doesn’t get more irrational than that.

Grief also zaps your brain, it wasn't 3 months ago yesterday, it was 4.

My son, 3 months ago yesterday. Also bipolar. What a cruel disease this is, that a person who has so much , cannot carry on. I understand why my son did it, but how could he leave us all who loved him so much ? I know that in 3 years from now I'll be feeling the same, I can't imagine the grief ever passing. It is like carrying a heavy ball of sadness . But others are right , you should get some help, someone to talk to.
What helps a little bit is reading, entering another world for a while. And my cats, always there and loving and not minding if I weep into their fur.

Anniebach I also remember when you posted about your daughter's death.
And all the time you had tried to help her before that.
My husband's older brother took his own life and I think DH still question's himself - was it partly his fault?
I'm sure/hope that Catherine has gone to a peaceful place, freed from the stress of her illness. It's a frightening disease.

Indeed- I just can't even begin to imagine how it feels and how much courage it must take to carry on. Must leave so many questions un-answered and so much pain.

A neighbour took her own life knowing her 11 and 13 year old children would find her when they got home. Those poor kids have had to live with finding her- and they have coped so admirably, miraculously.

Doesn’t this make everything else seem so trivial, I am beyond admiration for the way you all carry on.

GillT57 ...but have had my 2am staring at the ceiling moments worrying about my son's precarious mental health...

This too...

Wishing all of you affected the strength to carry on and hopefully find some peace xx

Hi Annie, I remember your posts when your daughter died. I think it was those that gave me the courage to post on GN about my own daughter's suicide. She was 24 and had struggled with her mental health for several years. She left a 4 year old son who has kept me going for the last 15 years.

The worst thing I find is that no-one ever talks about her unless I mention her first. My GS doesn't remember much about her which breaks my heart. I'm so glad I found GN and have been able to share some of the bad times on here.