Suicide Bereavement

Anniebach❤

My daughter has been cursed with mh problems and we were on a rollercoaster of selfharm and suicide attempts which at times calm down. Seeing your child living this life is heartbreaking and numbing. And other people don't want to know how you feel.
My stepson took his own life after a night out in June with no signs of mh problems.
We are reeling from it. I can only imagine the pain my dh is feeling and it is only the beginning of this new life path.
When someone has terrible mh problems that makes life so hard to live you can accept their need to leave this world.
On days when you don't feel like being rational about it i feel really angry.
We have a number of friends now who have has suicide in their family unfortunately we are in an ever expanding club.
Thoughts and hugs to all members.

I am so sorry for all the sadness that people have suffered. Suicide is a loss that cannot be compared with other deaths.

I have experience of this in my professional life (as well as my grandfather taking his own life) and have seen the dreadful after-effects on families.

But I really do not think that it is ever possible for loved-ones to stop someone taking their own life if that person has determined that this is the only way forward. The sort of mental illness that some people suffer defies understanding by those who are on the outside trying desperately to understand and help; which is why the medical profession needs to take this sort of illness more seriously and offer better and speedier interventions.

I remember the very difficult time that you went through Annie and the dreadful mental illness that afflicted your DD. I am not surprised that there are times when it all comes back to you - and I know it must be hard to see others moving on with their lives (however much you want them to) when for you it fills your thoughts.

I wish I could help you, and all the other Gransnetters for whom this is their reality - but I do not know how. All I can do is to send you love and hugs and positive thoughts.

A long time ago, and yet it seems like yesterday.
I remember everything that came before by the hour, minute even, I know I should have realised what was going to happen, but I didn’t.
I don’t think I could have stopped it, I don’t blame myself, it wasn’t something that ever occurred to me.
Annie, sometimes people lose all hope, they can’t consider what they’re leaving behind, if they did, they would surely think twice, thinking about you.

Thank you so much, it just overwhelmed me this morning and no one there, but you were.

I am concerned I picked at wounds of some , I am sorry. Again
thank you for being there x

I’ve experienced two suicides. And also normal deaths. The suicides are like grief that ripples on and on. They are different to other deaths.
All I can say is, if you haven’t been there, don’t judge, and if you have, you will know what I mean.
And if I can help you Anniebach, please contact me. My heart goes out to you. Xx

Yes Annie".. my daughter too, 17 years ago.

Anniebach, I'm sorry about your daughter It isn't unusual to suffer a delayed reaction to everything that has happened but you need to tell people in real life. Can you make an appointment with your GP?

I know of a young woman who took her own life.

She seemed to have everything -intelligence, good looks, a devoted husband, lovely young children, lots of friends, a successful career, a beautiful home .

And yet she shocked everyone who knew her by committing suicide.

A group of her friends raise money for mental health charities. No-one has any idea how it could have happened.

Yes. A very close friend who suffered with serious mental health issues. She went to a secluded beach and took an overdose of her medication - she had already passed away when she was found. Myself, and the rest of our group of friends all knew about her condition, we all knew she was going through a particularly difficult time and we all thought we were being supportive. She meant to kill herself - it wasn’t a cry for help, she went somewhere she knew she wouldn’t easily be found.

Anniebach, I can only tell you that the grief I felt at my friends’ passing was truly terrible, but I cannot even begin to imagine how you must feel on losing your daughter in similar tragic circumstances. I think the way you’re feeling now is a normal part of the grieving process. I lost my husband to cancer four years ago and I am still grieving, despite being in a new relationship. I don’t think you ever ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one and it surprises me how many people expect you to do just that. Most of the time you deal with it, because over time you learn how to live with it, but occasionally it will break through and devastate you all over again. I still get floored by it four years later.

Please, please don’t try to get through this by yourself, you need some support. Have you a good GP ? If so go and tell them how you are feeling and ask if counselling is available in your area. Grief is complicated and it can be a rollercoaster of different emotions - even more so when grieving a loved one who has taken their own life. I have had several rounds of counselling and it does help - talking to someone who isn’t emotionally involved and who didn’t know the person who passed away, allows you to express your grief without fear of upsetting anyone and it can help to get things straight in your mind.

There is a very good website called WayUp. I joined two weeks after losing my husband and very quickly realised I was among friends - the people who contribute are all bereaved, some more recently than others, and there is a wealth of empathy, compassion and wisdom on there. It’s mostly online support so you don’t have to worry about mobility problems. They do have social get togethers and having mobility issues myself, I can tell you that you would get all the support you needed if you wanted to attend any of them. Google it and give it a go. If you would like to send me a private message, please do so and I’ll try to help however I can.

I'm so sorry Annie. I was on this forum then and remember your heartbreak. Sometimes, I don't know why, these things can suddenly overwhelm us too. It was bad enough with my brother. I can't imagine it being your child. It has been over 35 years for us and I sometimes think maybe he could have been helped and treated with more understanding. Maybe not. Without going into details, he also jumped but from a building.

Yes, my father. I'm so sorry for what you have to bear, and for the ongoing sorrow of your constant loss.

I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid, but I recognise the distance people put between you and them - they don't know what to say or how to relate to the ongoing sadness you live with each day. So they avoid it entirely, which can really hurt when it's people you perhaps used to think of as friends.

I have found consolation in small things like my cat, my love of gardening and flowers. Walking in nature. Trees. Books. The night sky when the world is quiet. Unexpected conversations with rare individuals who, very occasionally, allow a glimpse of my reality to penetrate theirs, just by showing empathy while we chat over a coffee or glass of wine.

I feel your sadness and will keep you in my thoughts.

My lovely Mum took her own life 41 years ago, 9 months after my father died of stomach cancer. They didn’t seem happy and she was on a myriad of medication for depression and they were both addicted to alcohol. It was so difficult and I still miss her terribly. As I have no siblings I’ve felt very lonely on and off over the years.

The sorrow recedes over time but sometimes it surfaces without warning.

Annie, I feel for you so much and I’m sorry that you are going through this. It’s an experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’ve found that The Samaritans can be very supportive if you need someone to talk with. They are very understanding and I’ve found them invaluable.

My heart goes out to you and hope you can move forward with you life.

With love ???

Thank you all x I am so sorry for those who have experienced it.

My darling daughter died 3 years last November, she had developed bipolar 7 years earlier. One night she jumped from a
bridge into the river. Some of you were on this forum then and
it was gransnet which got me through the funeral, inquest etc,

The seven years she was ill and since her death my life was centred on her and my grandchildren, they went through university, graduated, they needed me, they were angry, hurt,
it has taken so long to help them understand it was their illness
that hurt them not their mother.

Now they are settled, moved away from this town when she died, some people were asking them questions, I withdrew from the world for the same reasons. People can be so cruel about mental illness.

So, I am writing now because I have suddenly realised my life is empty, my son in law has a companion, which I encouraged.
My grandchildren are moving on with their careers which is great, they are in constant touch and share their good times and problems still.

I am now grieving, I read threads with advice on going out and
meeting people, I can’t because I can’t walk, dependant on a wheelchair.

My husband died in 1976 so it was just me and my two daughters, my younger daughter lives a five hour drive away.

I have three sisters living here, we haven’t spoken for over 4 years, we use to be a very close extended family, then after one of Catherine’s suicide attempts they were talking about her on
Facebook, they spoke of her stress incontinence, I was so angry
and told them to ‘sod off’, they did, no chance of a reconciliation.

Sorry to bring this up now , it has suddenly piled up on me,
Catherine was my best friend, my world.

I am lost, how do I move forward? I can’t.

Sorry x

Annie sending love to you.

Our neighbour committed suicide four years ago.
He is greatly missed.

Yes , I know very well the pain of losing someone to suicide. Sadly both my brothers took their own lives in their 20s. Many years ago now but it changed the lives of those of us left behind in so many ways.

That must be awful for you. Sending tlc.

The shock is horrendous.

My brother, aged 32.

It was a while ago now, but I still think about it and wonder at what he was thinking. We were very close growing up but lost touch a bit when I left home. It was totally out of the blue, no threats, no mention of not being able to deal with life. He did have some problems, but also had a lot of support from the family. I still wake in the night sometimes and wonder if I had been at home would I have been able to help, as we were so close at one time. Stupid, I know.

Anniebach
Not anyone very close but yes, we have been touched by this.

Sending a hug and tlc

Yes I am Annie...my husband.

My dil`s father commited suicide.
The shock is still with everyone who knew him,didn`t see it coming at all.
We were there for the whole of the family,but felt pretty useless tbh.
Sending you an air hug Anniebach,so sorry for your loss.

Anniebach

I’m currently doing what I can (which isn’t much, tbh) to support two people who’ve lost loved ones to suicide. One of them, a beautiful young woman in her early 20’s with everything to live for. There are no words that an ‘onlooker’ such as myself can offer as comfort. Everything that could be said sounds so shallow in the face of such great loss.

It was many years ago but yes, my brother. He was in his 20s. for those struggling.

Yes Anniebach I am. My beloved son. It's just three years now. The pain never goes away. It is like carrying lead inside myself. But I do the best I can to enjoy and support my family. I have good friends too, although many of them are friends made since the tragedy. Some people have kept their distance. Suicide is difficult for some to deal with.
Yesterday I read this: If you don't understand why someone is still grieving, be thankful that you don't understand. Sending you a virtual hug.

Sending love, so sorry I cant help there. X