I feel i have not had time to grieve.

Some people can’t deal with grief, including somebody else’s grief, and it doesn’t help that your OH is probably not in a good place right now because of his health. I really feel for you, I know how awful it is to lose your mother and a month is no time at all. Is there someone you could talk to about your mother and your loss?

It is very hard for you, my sincere sympathies.
My oldest school friend’s father died suddenly and shortly after her mother had a severe stroke which led to her being hospitalised and then living in a care hone for some years. My own father died a while later and my poor friend went to pieces at his funeral because, as she said , she had not had time to grieve for her own father , and it “opened the floodgates”. There is no easy answer but I am glad for you that at least you are not also having to support a partner with a terminal illness.
Be gentle with yourself and take some time on your own or with friends who understand.

Oh you poor thing, it sounds a lot to be coping with I'm sorry about your Mum xx

I have been through a similar experience because my DH’s health deteriorated after the death of our daughter. I don’t know how I handled my grief during such a difficult time, I just remember that although he was stoic, I had to take into account he was grieving as well. He died in March.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but try not to feel resentful. Your OH is anxious and in pain and probably not in the best place to support you.

Be kind to yourself and take things slowly.

Can you set aside some time for yourself each week?
Say, just a couple of hours to spend with your own thoughts?

I think that if your husband is in pain he will be finding it hard to think about anything else.

I am sure he is sympathetic to your grieving but is just overwhelmed by his own problems.

Is there anywhere you could go for a bit of me time e.g. a nice park or garden, an art gallery - whatever would appeal to you

I too am sorry to hear of your loss and of your husband's illness and attitude.

He is obviously "coping" with his own illness and pain by ignoring your need and right to grieve.

Is he completely bed-ridden and in need of your attendance 24 hours a day?

If he is, try to get some help - no-one, however devoted a wife, can nurse the bed-ridden all day and every day.

If he can manage for himself , leave him his lunch and go out for a couple of hours - having explained that you are going for a walk in the cemetery to think of your mum and have a right good weep.

If that isn't feasible because your Mum is buried miles away, any park or cemetery will do. I am only suggesting a cemetery because you will feel less conspicuous crying there than in a park or public library!

Please insist that you need time to grieve and that you need some of that time right NOW.

If you can't get out, invite a close friend for coffee and a chat and let yourself be sad and cry.

Thank you all for your replies.
I have taken your advice and decided to have some me time.
I went to mums favourite park and thought about her.
I feel a little better.

Sending you best wishes it’s been such a difficult time for you. Your husband has been so poorly but thankfully although in pain, on the mend. He is in pain and worried about the operation, he can’t deal with anything else at the moment. I would do as others suggest, have yourself some me time, to go off and remember your lovely mom, she would not want you unhappy, think about all the good times.

Great advice from others and good that you followed it through It is so hard when things come ion top of one another
I lost my mum and dad 6 months apart then my job went it felt completely overwhelming
Allow yourself to think about your mum as often as you can and I think it’s such a good idea to have a quiet place that you two shared or you know she loved and you will feel more as one
Please realise a month it’s such a tiny space of time you will still be in shock

Bopeep14 my condolences on the loss of your mum.

My mum died thirteen years ago but I still think about her and miss her dreadfully.

Your loss has only been a month so everything is still very raw.

My very best wishes to you xx

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. Would bereavement counselling help? It would give you time and space to just focus on your loss and talk about your beloved mother.

Condolences for the loss of your Mum.

Sad about your OH's health concerns coming at this time, that is a lot to deal with and it's never going to be easy to find the balance between your needs and your OH's needing your attention.

You're probably doing a better job than you give yourself credit for so don't forget to give yourself a well done even if it's only for being.
diplomatic when you want to shout.

As others have said find time for yourself and as hard as it is make a real effort to give yourself CARE and keep giving yourself care at this time.

It was a good decision you made to go to your Mum's favourite park and "Sit" with her love and your memories.

Friends can be invaluable at times like these and a counsellor might be a good option too as it is time and support there just for you.

Well done for reaching out and GN'ers have lots of experience to draw on so I hope you have felt heard and supported by the posts you get.

Take Care and may you find nurturing and loving ways to get you through this difficult time.