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rememberance books in cemetaries

(14 Posts)
travelsafar Fri 24-Sep-21 14:15:20

I have enquired about this for my late husband and was shocked to find out how expensive it is. After paying for a funeral, a plot for ashes and the plaque and associated expenses i am starting to feel that death is a very 'dear deal' indeed. I understand that the writing in these books is done by an expert and is very beautiful but it all adds to the distress of the event when you feel you can not afford to do everything for your loved one. In the next town from me when my brother passed away his name and relevant dates were put into the book free of charge. It was only if you wished to expand on what was written i.e. a poem, personal message etc you paid for that. I have had so much to pay out for this pass months this is the final straw. I feel annoyed at the cost and upset because i am thinking can i really afford to pay for this knowing that possibly further down the line there won't be anyone going on the date to read the inscription. What would you do?

Shinamae Fri 24-Sep-21 14:18:21

I’m afraid that doesn’t resonate with me at all as I am going to have a Pure cremation…

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 24-Sep-21 14:37:15

What is the cost? I have no idea about these things as my family are buried in country churchyards.

grannyactivist Fri 24-Sep-21 14:47:24

travelsafar one of the, in my view, best things to come out of the Covid-Era is a return to simplicity for weddings and funerals. Please don't tie yourself in knots spending needless money when all that is really important are the memories you shared with your late husband.

I have had three friends die recently and I've noted that al the funerals were much simpler - and actually much more intimate - than before Covid. Yesterday one of my dear neighbours buried her husband with only herself and her husband's sister and brother-in-law present. She said her husband had never liked a fuss in life and had stated he didn't want a fuss when he died.

I'm sorry for your loss. flowers

wildswan16 Fri 24-Sep-21 15:51:44

I am certain your DH would not want you to overspend. If you have a plaque, then do you really need his name in a book as well. He will be remembered by you, and all those who knew and loved him and that is surely what matters.

Deedaa Fri 24-Sep-21 15:59:22

To be honest the likelihood of many people looking in the book in 20 years time and saying "Oh look there's ( Husband's Name)is pretty slight. I'd plant a nice shrub or tree in your own garden as a memorial.

MiniMoon Fri 24-Sep-21 16:11:11

My grandparents were entered into the book of Remembrance at the crematorium. I think we went on the first anniversaries of their respective deaths, and since then I don't think any of my family have been. After all, I am part of the last generation that remember them.

We didn't do it for our parents. They have no plaques, we scattered their ashes in a place they both loved, and left it at that.
Remembrance is in the heart.

M0nica Sat 25-Sep-21 16:09:20

Why do so many people (I am not referring to the OP) see a direct connection between how much they cared for someone and how much they spend on the funeral and whether everything funerary that can be bought is.

I knew someone who got themselves deeply into debt paying for an extravagent top of the range funeral for her husband. No one who knew them doubted their affection and care for each other but to recklessly buy everything on offer, when you know you cannot afford it struck me as such a strange way to show deep care.

62Granny Sat 25-Sep-21 16:31:29

Please don't feel that this is something everyone does because I am sure they don't, as other have said who would look at it even next year never mind 20 years down the line. You will always remember the date❤ don't waste the money far better to make a small yearly donation to a charity or buy yourself a nice locket and put your husband's photo in it with an inscription .

NotSpaghetti Sat 25-Sep-21 16:43:45

I wonder, really, what are these books actually for?
I'm sure no reasonable loved one would expect anyone to pay for someone to write their name in a book at the cemetery.
Please don't trouble yourself with this. It is totally unnecessary.

Luckygirl Sat 25-Sep-21 16:44:51

I agree with the former posters. I spent a lot of money for a headstone for my OH - it is very beautiful and enhances the lovely country churchyard where he is buried. It is somewhere for our dear girls to go and remember him; and in the main we keep it tidy and clean. But I am very aware that when I go, and when the girls move on in their lives, then it is likely to become more neglected; but in a way that is fine - it is part of returning whence we came.

I do not think spending any further money would be helpful - your OH lives on in your memory, and no amount of money spent on extra external means of remembering him can change that.

Keep him in your heart - and if there is any money to be spent, find a charity that would resonate with him, as others have suggested.

Septimia Sat 25-Sep-21 18:19:42

One of the drawbacks with remembrance books at cemeteries is that they are open at the relevant page only once a year. At least with a headstone you can visit it whenever you are able.

A lot of people enjoy visiting churchyards and looking at old memorials; thus people whose relatives have moved away or died are still remembered by those who read the inscriptions. Often they are very interesting, and they can be useful to genealogists.

travelsafar Mon 27-Sep-21 01:32:04

62granny I think the locket is a lovely idea thank you. I think that's what I shall do.

PinkCakes Mon 27-Sep-21 13:30:24

I signed up, years ago, to donate my body to medical science, and so did my husband.