Gransnet forums

Bereavement

No response from GP at all

(36 Posts)
MRGUDER Fri 19-Nov-21 11:40:49

My father died in September after being diagnosed with Terminal Cancer in July. At the time of diagnosis his GP stated Dad was her no. 1 priority but that was literally the last time we ever heard from her. Nothing between July and September and now nothing after his death to ask how my Mum is doing. Is that the experience of other Gransnet contributors suffering a bereavement this year? GP was also my Mum's but she has only been seen/called by other locum GPs since.

Deedaa Fri 26-Nov-21 16:52:07

When I was told that DH would die I rang our GP because I knew he would want to know. When I visited him a few weeks afterwards he immediately wanted to know how I was and if I was coping. When I commented that the final couple of months had been hard he said "No, you've had a hard couple of years" I hadn't realised anyone had noticed. When I saw him a year later after lockdown his first question was still how was I?

When I went to the surgery to tell them DH had died I got a big hug from the prescriptions clerk who had often had to help me sort out his medication.

Grammaretto Fri 26-Nov-21 16:42:28

Your experience is really sad Harrigran. flowers

TopsyIrene06 Fri 26-Nov-21 07:41:04

My late DH who was a GP, always visited his dying patients if they were at home and followed up with phone calls to the loved ones left behind.

That was a few years ago and I know things have changed so much as to be unrecognisable now. So sorry for the lack of support for some on here when going through what is and always will be the worst time of both your lives.

Grammaretto Fri 26-Nov-21 02:03:37

I am sorry to hear of all those who feel abandoned.
DH died a year ago in the Lockdown . His last month was spent at home and community nurses called every day and our GP came several times. She sometimes brought a medical student. She was marvellous. I realise now we are very lucky. I cannot fault our practice.
I wrote to thank them but had no cause to see a doctor until months later when I phoned about a sore throat. The GP phoned me and asked how I was coping since he died.
She also told me to gargle with salty water. It worked.

harrigran Fri 26-Nov-21 00:45:43

I wish our GPS had shown some compassion, I had to beg one to visit my dying husband after he had a fall. She rang me and said she would assess him over a video call, I told her she really must visit the house. My DH was only seen that once face to face in the last two years of his life.

mumofmadboys Thu 25-Nov-21 17:28:03

When I was first a GP we always did bereavement visits when someone died and maybe a visit a couple of weeks later as well. By the time I retired I was in a much bigger practice and it was much, much busier. I would always phone then and sometimes visit. I went to the very occasional patient's funeral usually someone I got to know well who I looked after for the last few months of a terminal illness.

Ladyleftfieldlover Thu 25-Nov-21 15:58:58

When my father died years ago at the age of 48, his GP was on holiday. He returned on the day of the funeral and came to see mum straight away. My father had been a much loved and very special person. I still have all the condolence cards and letters which were sent to the family over 40 years on.

BlueBelle Thu 25-Nov-21 15:44:35

When my grandma died who I was looking after in my home for her last three years of life (so my doctor became her doctor) no one contacted me and this was 35 years ago again when my mum and dad died (dad in my care) no one contacted me and I would have been most surprised if they did
Perhaps in depends on the size of the practice mine is a very big practice with about 8 or more doctors and thousands of patients Perhaps in a village or small town with a practice of a couple of doctors it’s more likely to happen
I didn’t expect it so it didn’t concern me

SusieB50 Thu 25-Nov-21 14:36:31

I do have very good caring GP’s , my DH died at home nearly two years ago . He died within 3 weeks of a terminal diagnosis . Our GP’s visited twice and when he died, all 3,doctors separately phoned to offer their condolences .About a month later a GP phoned to see how I was .

Hetty58 Sun 21-Nov-21 10:44:56

harrigran, sometimes people don't make contact - or may even cross the road to avoid you - because they feel awkward, don't know what to say - or don't want to upset you by talking about it (ridiculous, but true).

grandMattie Sun 21-Nov-21 10:06:29

When my son died suddenly and unexpectedly, alone at home, obviously the coroner must have contacted the GP. We received a card from the practice offering their condolences and giving the addresses of bereavement counselling. It was quite a surprise and, although we didn’t want counselling, it was kind.

harrigran Sun 21-Nov-21 09:56:45

The GP practice has not acknowledged DH's death, I did expect to receive a condolences message as one of the GPs signed the death certificate.
I don't know why I am surprised about lack of communication, two of DH's brothers have not even spoken to me. Ex work colleagues have been a source of great comfort with letters and phone calls.

HowVeryDareYou Fri 19-Nov-21 21:12:41

Don't GP surgeries usually have thousands of patients? They can hardly ring the relatives of everyone who dies - they are hard-pressed to ring the patients who are ill.

Suki70 Fri 19-Nov-21 21:11:23

My DH died in hospital last August and two weeks later I received a letter from the GP who had sent him to A&E a month previously. She wrote on behalf of all the partners and admin staff in the practice, sending their condolences and inviting me to contact them if they could help in any way.
This was followed by a list of agencies that could also offer support.
I was impressed.

SueDonim Fri 19-Nov-21 20:55:17

Years ago I’d have expected it, but then we were of an age with our GP’s, had children in the same class at school etc.

Nowadays, though, I don’t even know who my doctor is so I wouldn’t expect any contact.

Justwidowed Fri 19-Nov-21 20:13:54

Our GP had arranged to ring me re my husband's condition and I had missed her calls because my husband had suddenly died. I then rang the surgery and was put straight through to her.She was surprised at the news and rang me every weeķ for a few months to see how I was doing.She also came to the funeral service at the crematorium .,and is still in contact with me .
I realise how fortunate I am to have such a caring GP.

grannyactivist Fri 19-Nov-21 19:46:06

I’m going against the flow here.

I don’t know if it’s uniform across the practice, but when a neighbour’s husband died a couple of months ago she was called by her GP and offered a home visit. I have heard other local people saying something similar too. My own GP was brilliant when my son-in-law was killed.

The practice received an ‘outstanding’ grade for its work with older people and very recently received a community award for the way it’s handled COVID.

Lauren59 Fri 19-Nov-21 19:22:06

When my dad died the GP called my mother. He was very kind and considerate.

BlueBelle Fri 19-Nov-21 19:16:15

I don’t think I ve ever had contact from a GP afterwards so no I don’t think they are acting unreasonably they cannot possibly follow up each patient s relatives
I think you re living in an era of a small village surgery
I m sorry to hear about your Dad and if you’re mum isn’t coping well, you should approach the doctor for help for her or there are lots of charities that will work with the bereaved but you have to approach them they won’t just show up

Thoro Fri 19-Nov-21 18:59:51

A good few years ago but my husband died suddenly in hospital (diabetic hypo aged 53).
I went to our GP and the hospital hadn’t contacted him by then to let him know.
Certainly wouldn’t expect GP to contact me about it though.

GreyKnitter Fri 19-Nov-21 18:49:01

It never occurred to me that a GP should contact me after a bereavement in the family. In these very fraught times I’d rather they were seeing those who are ill. I’ll be in touch if I need them.

Urmstongran Fri 19-Nov-21 18:45:04

I surmise that once a GP refers their patient onwards to the hospital specialist then the patient is transferred over at it were. Yes they issue any prescriptions or changes as requested but that’s on the advice of the hospital specialist. The patient is technically under another professional, until discharged or sadly, dies.

Please accept my condolences I am sure you must be feeling let down and hurt.
💐

GrannyLaine Fri 19-Nov-21 17:57:18

My condolences MRGUDER on the loss of your father flowers Are you sure that the GP herself isn't ill? But also, like others, I wouldn't have expected contact

paddyann54 Fri 19-Nov-21 17:32:20

The figure for Scotland is 1053 patients per GP ,some of course have much less than that but over a huge area ,we have the largest Island population in Europe

Peasblossom Fri 19-Nov-21 14:52:42

2100 for each GP, not the Practice