Searching

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you will find a way through this distressing period. Can anyone else assist you?

GagaJo - this is something that I have known work (but really, not for many). If you can borrow or hire a storage facility, box stuff up safely and store it.
Some don't think it helpful as you have to deal with it at some point down the road. Others find it useful to think 'it's still there' and then 'I haven't looked at it in......amount of time so it can all go'.
I did this, putting stuff in a relative's unused garage, and did deal with it, knowing I had a deadline of a year.

It’s harsh Gaga a parent dying is so significant and unlike any other, it’s loss of a constant in our lives. May you find your own peace ?.

We're busy clearing out but keep putting things back again as they have sentimental value.

I wish I'd never sent a couple of my Dad's books to Oxfam when we moved house years ago - if I found them again I'd buy them back (they were inscribed.)

I have a bracelet from my other granny. It has no value, being gold plated, but she thought it was gold, and loved it. I never wear it, not my taste, but I like that I have something of her.

I have a couple of bits from my 2nd granny. A mirror and now I have a tiny little bookshelf that my mum had.

I grabbed two pairs of gloves my mum had knitted herself. I've got another pair somewhere but am sad to know that I'll never have mum-knitted things again. Stupid the things that upset us.

Wanting to keep some of my grandmother's things in addition to my mums. Argh!!!!

I would love to have just one thing of my Grandma's but alas, my Mum was overseas when her mother died and her sisters must have divvied everything up.
I don't know much at all about my other Grandmother apart from what an aunt told me and I've found out since through FH research.

You can't keep everything but perhaps just a few things that hold special memories.

It's been horrible. I find it very hard to be organised anyway, in chaos, and obviously, my feelings are chaotic. But being surrounded by this stuff, having to decide what to do with it...

Agonising over her 5th set of dessert dishes. ? Wanting to keep more than I have room for. Wanting to keep some of my grandmother's things in addition to my mums. Argh!!!!

GagaJo I’m sorry to hear about your loss ?

Gagajo, Sorry for your loss

GagaJo

Thoughts with you.
X

So sorry for your loss,my SIL had an awful time when we cleared my MIL's house.In fact she wanted to leave it for 6 MONTHS before she touched it .
I'm very much a practical ,get it done and dealt with sort of woman so that didn't work for me or my OH .
Remember your mum isn't the sum of her possessions ,they are just things and you'll carry her in your head and in your heart for ever .Once you've done it you'll feel a weight has lifted .Keep only the things that you have an emotional attachment to and let everything else go to new homes where they can be used and appreciated .Good luck with it ,this is the third time I've done it and it doesn't get easier I just get more organised .

Gagajo so sorry for your loss
It is so, so hard. When my mum died I used to think I saw her when I was out shopping.

Gagajo So very sorry for your loss.
I didnt realise just how hard it is until I lost my mum 22 yrs ago.
Take care of yourself through this horrible time. ?

So sorry Gagajo, grieving and dealing with a parent's death is a strange time, when my DM died 3 years ago, I was seriously traumatised by the realisation that I was now an orphan, despite being an adult with a family of my own.

It's a most difficult task, Gagajo

Sometimes those undefined feelings may have some foundation, or perhaps it is the loss and the feeling that you should have asked more questions before she died.
I know I wish I'd asked more but there were certain things "We don't talk about"!

Have you or anyone done any family history research?
In the future, when you have come more to terms with her loss, perhaps you might find some answers there.

In the meantime be kind to yourself.

So sorry for your loss. All I can suggest is that you try find the time to go through things most carefully. When my own mother died, we found a shoe box, but beneath the shoes were some lovely photographs of her family taken in the 1930s, we would have missed them and just sent the shoes off to charity unless we had checked every box thoroughly. The same goes for clothes, handbags, etc, make sure you check every pocket and compartment.

Gagajo

My thoughts are with you ?

So very sorry to hear of your loss take it easy and look after yourself ?

bikergran

Our mind plays so many tricks on us when we are grieving.

Yes, after I'd done it a couple of times, I had to tell myself there was nowhere else to search, that I'd seen everything. It was a horrible sensation.

As much as it was traumatic to sit by her in her final coma, I'd give anything to be able to do it again. ?

Early days.

Our mind plays so many tricks on us when we are grieving.

When we lose somebody, a little part of our mind just can't quite believe it - so there's the 'searching'.

My friend died and it seemed quite impossible that a van full of clothes and household bits for the charity shop, along with a skip full of furniture, was the last trace of her whole existence. I took away a little potted houseplant and nurtured it as something very special.

When my husband died, I kept waking from a dream (in a panic) where he bounded in the front door, as usual - and I said 'What are you doing here, you're dead!'

They are bound to be. That is an incredible stress in one week and 600 miles of travel too.

You really need to rest before next week. Do you have siblings?

I live 300 miles away so don't have the luxury of time unfortunately. I've done 3 days and am at home now. Will go back in a week to do more.

Thank you for the empathy. My emotions are all over the place.

I send condolences to you. When someone dear to us dies, our reactions can often surprise us. I hope you can do the clearing out in your time and not feel rushed.