Motherduck, I am so very sorry your darling daughter died, leaving a tiny baby, can life be any crueler. I well understand how you feel seeing her grave neglected. Any mother would feel the same. However, this is the important bit, your daughters wished were followed, so you can’t really override what she wanted. When you are able, when the stone is in place, perhaps could you do as someone suggested, plant either wild flowers seeds that flower in the summer , some bulbs that flower through spring, then in the autumn when you go to tidy the grave up, put a little winter plant on it. That way twice a year would keep the grave tidy with flowers on it,I would not ask for the ashes to be moved as that is not what your daughter wanted. I cannot imagine your pain, losing my husband was awful, it was as if half of me had gone, I got used to living with it, he is always in my heart. You need to focus on getting strong and seeing your little granddaughter, that is what your daughter would really want, she is a big part of your daughter. A loved one really is always with you, in time we do smile and find pleasure in life, inside we sometimes are crying but we try to focus on the living, my father remarried within 6 months, big mistake, men in general find it harder coping alone.
To anyone coping with the loss of a child at any age my thoughts are with you, it must be almost unbearable, but you must go on for those that you lost, that’s what that’s what they would have wanted for you. I wonder if you could put a plaque of Remembrance in your local church grounds, or perhaps a bench dedicated to her.