i hope you can enjoy your holiday a little , even though you will be thinking of your mum every day. Being away might be a little helpful as you wont be especially reminded of her as you would in favourite walks or places at home. My lovely husband died and I have had to move house leaving my precious garden etc and all the things we did together , and due to health problems I have had to even change the car as I cant get into low down cars anymore. So today was actually a lovely sunny autumn day, I went out to do something and as it was so nice, I carried on and went up to our special place at the top of Swaledale. We used to go there and take coffee and see the birds and the beautiful countryside. I scattered his ashes there. So today I went up to our place and actually walked about a little and said aloud , well it is so lovely here and I hope you approve of the car swap. Sounds crazy to some people, but after a bad few weeks I found it a very worthwhile trip and calming and relaxing, away from all the awful news and worries in the world at the moment. So maybe as time goes on you will be able to find somewhere that meant a lot to you and be able to just feel you can go there if you need or want to. It could be just in your garden or swimming or whatever means something to you and although no one else will know it , for you that will be a special place. I also have a little thing I do , remembering my wonderful granny , who meant so much to me. She used to say dont put flowers on my grave , give them to someone to enjoy. So I planted snowdrops and iris reticulata on the grave, but on her birthday and the day she died, I like to buy a small bunch of flowers , or a little plant in a pot. Nothing flamboyant. Then I give them to someone who I think would enjoy the surprise, of a little gift , not on a birthday or anything . Just unexpected and usually I try to get good perfumed flowers. I dont mention my granny, that is my memory of her and the things she did for others, but it does lift the spirits and I feel I have made my little acknowledgement. She died in 1961 and I have done it every year since then, and see it as a memory and connection with her. At the moment it is too raw for you, but possibly something like this, or perhaps , if you have a garden, planting something you connect with her especially would be comforting for you. Wishing you some rest and relaxation and peace