I am a widow

My husband passed 6 weeks ago. He dued in my arms at home without losing any dignity as I nursed him to the end. I am grateful for the 53+ years we had together. Listen to Lionel Ritchie’s song Goodbye…it sums it all up!

Someone posted this on Gransnet a while ago and I thought it was so lovely that I had it printed under DH’s photograph on his order of service.

“You are gone, but thank you for all the soft sweet things you have left behind…… in my home, in my head, in my heart”. I say it to myself often.

Greyduster, I’m very early to this journey of ‘firsts’ and I’m thankful for posts like yours that help me remember I’m not alone. Yesterday, one of my dogs had her update immunisations. First time I’ve seen our lovely vet since D died. She wept with me. I donated for two new purple poppies for the dogs to wear, another lump in the throat moment.
Monday would have been D’s 72nd birthday 💙

I’ve had a series of “firsts” since April this year, the last being my birthday last week, but I never expected that buying a poppy this week would leave me with a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. DH was a soldier for most of his adult life and today was always important to him - to both of us. Maw is right. We must take strength from each other. Hang in there, grans (and grandads).

Poignant photograph of Paw’s chair Maw. I have ‘grandad’s story chair’ sitting empty. Though, that young lab has taken to stealth like sneaking on to sit on it. I don’t have the heart to remind him, he isn’t allowed.

This is a sad but heart warming thread - we all know where the others are coming from and there is great strength in the “sisterhood”.
5 years ago today Paw slipped away from us surrounded by those he loved and who loved him best.
This chair feels particularly empty tonight

Thank you again for your comments everyone
Lovebrigecardigans, your post really resonated with me. It’s only five weeks since I found my husband after his first stroke. He died 7 days later after a very difficult week. You’re correct, I do feel raw and it’s important to follow the advice I’ve given other bereaved people, to be gentle with ourselves and our loved ones.
Thank you - your final paragraph puts it well

I am sorry for your loss Iam64 it's obviously still raw for you.

I lost my husband 12 years ago and I've adjusted, as will you eventually. I'll always miss him, no-one else will fill that gap, and life will never be the same. I hate the phrase, but it's 'baby steps'. In time you will smile and laugh again, and you will find small compensations. Go easy on yourself.

Iam64

Nannagarra- no worries on the question mark front. My fat fingers often mean half of my posts are nonsensical

Thank you Iam64. I would be mortified if I thought I’d caused you any more sorrow.

I have posted a lot on various threads here. Be 19 years in February since my husband died. Still consider myself a wife . I hate being classed as single. Grief in my experience doesn't get easier with time it gets worse you just learn to cope better.

As I have said many times as soon as your other half of you dies you are never whole again. Your present and future die with them. But this is my experience. Others may disagree.

It's very hard to make a new present and future but you have to . I consider myself lucky to found my other half . Some people live their whole lives and never do.

We had 29 years as a couple married 22. My husband said live the best life you can and I do . It's hard but I promised him I would. He was 47 and I was 45 when he died.

My heart goes out to you all. 💐

Oh Iam my condolences. How raw it must all be for you. I do hope sympathy, and the real understanding of those who are themselves widowed, helps. Do take care of yourself

I’m so sorry, Iam64. 💐xx.

I have missed this Iam until today. I'm not on GN so often nowadays. Sending love and prayers for courage and strength at this sad time x

So sorry to hear your husband has passed.

So sorry Iam64, sending you much love x

Hello Iam64

I can sympathise with you. When I went to register my DH death I could not help but noticing the space for informant on th completed form.The registrar had filled it with my name and in relationship to deceased was wrote the word widow.
This was almost three years ago now and I still consider myself as his wife, never widow.

Nannagarra- no worries on the question mark front. My fat fingers often mean half of my posts are nonsensical

Nannagarra

Deepest sympathy Iam64. ?

I’m so sorry for the question mark. I seem to hit the key just at the point of pressing send.
I did it the other day on GM but here it’s completely out of order. Apologies.

I am so sorry for your loss. It takes time to get used to being a widow, but you will always have your memories.
senryu I am sorry for your loss.

Razzamatazz, thanks for the link. I’m not eligible as I’m in receipt of state pension.

It’s a comfort to read so many kind posts. Bereavement can feel overwhelming and it’s reassuring to hear from so many who have been on this pilgrimage longer than I.
We were blessed with 42 very happy years together. We faced trials, tribulations, losses like everyone does. Our good fortune was to find strength and grow stronger together. Living without him is not going to be easy but I have family and friends around me, sharing this. And of course the dogs 🐕🐶

Somehow I missed this post. I am so so sorry to hear and just can't imagine. OH had a scare 5 years ago and has now been given the all clear- but I shall always remember the day the specialist said 'it's cancer'. hugs

I am surrounded by widows recently, in their 40s and early 50s- and it is so hard to know how to best support them.

So sorry to hear of your loss and send love and deepest sympathy to you .

I`m so sorry Iam64. And yes, you still are his wife. My husband died just over 6 years ago, but I still refer to myself as his wife, always will.

My wife died recently. She is still my wife and I am her husband. You will always be your husband's wife
For me it's strange at 73 to be single after being married for 50+ years. I think adjusting will take some time and you have no choice but to allow that time.
Reading Gransnet posts help. There are others who have been there before you and knowing of their experiences may guide your own journey