Hello,last month i joined when my dad was in hospital,he died 17 oct never recovering from a triple bypass,he never came around after the operation and for the week until they turned the machines off my mum,husband and i sat with him,we never got to say goodbye while he was awake if that makes sense part of me feels cheated,although my husband tells me it was the best way for dad to go,just harder for us.We never expected him to die and i don't think he did.
The week before while he was waiting for the op he sent so many messages call etc saying he loved me so i have that i know i wouldn't have had if he had just had a heart attack at home,but it hurts so much i am 60 so dad was 83,mum is as you would expect in shock i think and i did mention tensions with my sister who lived with them she's 58 and spent years arguing with my parents then speaking them i think she has big issues,he and i had not spoke for 40 years,i did try twice while dad was in hospital the first time she went mad at me and pushed me down the stairs the second was after dad had died while i was over at mums to try and sort dads things out he still ran a business so there was that,she came right at me over the business and it went badly down hill,when i left i thought i can't do this and decided to stay away but mum came out and said to me please don't let her stop you calling so i carried on as normal,but after that she went for mum for as she said not standing up to me and she didn't speak to mum for 2 weeks until she bumped her car and needed mums help,since then that was a few weeks ago she has not mentioned dad at all to mum she is carrying on as normal and has now said she wants a xmas tree up etc,i did say to mum what do you want but mum is not bothered she said it's up to her but it is mums house so i have said don't let her bully you,i will not be doing a tree etc and apart from buying presents for my 2 and 4 year old grandchildren will have no xmas,my dad has gone what is there to celebrate plus xmas day is my birthday and it was always a text from dad happy birthday from mum and dad,the only one that remembered so without dad what's the point i will get through it for the children and i worry if i say to mum not to do a tree i am bullying and no better than my sister,it is a mess.
I can't think about dad because there is so much to sort out,mum couldn't face a service so she had a pure cremation type of send off and now dads ashes are waiting for me to collect,she didn't feel she could cope with the coffin etc,i wonder now if it was the right thing but will never mention it to mum it was her choice,dad went and we have nothing i am really struggling if he went now or in a few years i expect it would come but i feel so stressed with everything,dad did everything so mum doesn't even know how to pay a bill etc and he has left us with a business to sort out which is really complicated,we haven't been to his solicitor or account yet don't know what to do first,we have a will everything went to mum,so i didn't know if we needed to so guess that is on my list of things to do.
Sorry messy message i know but my head is a complete mess.Thank you if you got to the end.
Dawn62 Sat 19-Nov-22 09:03:12
Smileless2012 Sat 19-Nov-22 09:23:11
Septimia Sat 19-Nov-22 09:30:15
Lathyrus Sat 19-Nov-22 09:44:29
NotSpaghetti Thu 01-Dec-22 18:49:52
crazyH Thu 01-Dec-22 20:07:41
grandtanteJE65 Fri 16-Dec-22 14:21:52