One month on

That’s the way it goes, isn’t it, Iam? No warning, no particular trigger. Christmas was my DH’s favourite time - he revelled in it, so I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard for me, but I know that the last thing he would have wanted was a family consumed by his loss, so we talked about him, raised a glass to him, laughed at some of the things he would have done and said and muddled through. And now, like others on this thread, my family and I have a mountain to climb, but I know he’ll be there holding the rope and making sure, by his example and the love we had for each other, that we don’t miss too many footholds! Hang in there, focus on the good times.

Iam and Greyduster it will be 19 years since my husband died next month.. And grieve still overwhelms me at time. Like you say Greyduster there no trigger it just hits you wham..

Been trying to help my best friend her husband died in November. But it took me back to when my husband first died. I didn't want her to make all the mistakes I did thinking I had to be brave. So that overwhelming grief hit me hard took me a few weeks to find my way again.

My husband loved Christmas he was a big kid. This year my melt down was 23rd instead of Christmas eve. I will never let myself be sad Christmas day.

I am lucky I spent Christmas day with my daughter and family. Two lively boys aged 5 this month and 2.

Just take it one day at a time but give yourself time to be you. And cope the best you can if it's having a good cry go ahead you will feel better . Or any other way you want . 💐

Bankhurst, I'm sorry.

Mum wrote to Dad daily, in a ruled school notebook. Right after breakfast, she sat down at his desk and told him "the doings in my world".

I'm of a large family, my sisters have large families (I only have 4 children), my brother are childless. Mum said she recounted all "family doings" no matter how trivial. As one book was finished she tied it up with a ribbon and began another. The journals were placed in her coffin.

Mum seemed to find writing to Dad cathartic. Peaceful. Perhaps a similar process would be helpful for you?

Greyduster, same with my husband, he loved everything about Christmas. Like your family, we talked about him, laughed a lot and somehow managed our feelings so the little children could talk about him and ask inevitable questions about death.

We will continue to live the best lives we can, it’s what he’d want. He had a huge capacity for love, laughter and adventures. We will continue.

Norah my mom kept a diary everyday from when she retired at 60. After she died we found them but all that was in them was a daily weather report. So they where recycled .

We can only live out lives to the full. No matter how hard that is as we owe it to the other half of ourselves. Love never dies . But in my experience grief never dies it gets worse for me as the years go by as my husband has missed so much. Still seems unfair a fit healthy man gets cancer and dies and I still live with all my health problems that I was born with.

But that's life. But life is well worth living the good ,bad and down right awful. I owe it to my husband to live my life to the full. And I do. It's the price we all pay for love and having that special someone who makes us whole. Nearly 19 years I have been half a person but I cope with that to me I am still and always will be married.

Take care all and get through each day the best way you can and you will find a week has gone by then a month etc. For all we have lost we are the lucky ones we had a spouse or partner that completed us and gave unconditional love and support and we gave it back in return. 💐