Sudden death of my granddaughter

nansypansy Such a sad story. I feel for you all, and you are all trying cope with this tragedy in your own way. It is such very early days.

My youngest son, died in an accident some twenty years ago, aged 25 years. That first couple of years was so very hard, despite the fact that Ihad is five older siblings still here. It takes a verylong time befoe a parent can start to come out of tht shock and mourning, Two years at least - so this being just a very few weeks - no wonder your daughter is totally and absolutely bereft.

For me, all I wanted to do was to talk about my lovely son, to whoever would listen, over and over again. Surrounded myself with photos of him, No, I did not want to talk to a Counsellor (only wanted to talk to people who had actually known him), refused anti-depressants (felt all theyw ould do would put off that horrific time), did accept sleeping pills.

My hubbie, (his Dad) and I were separated, so did not have any real on-going support. Kmew that my other children were also desperately trying to cope with their loss, each in their own way.

I would say not to push for her to take anti-depressants, just be there for her whenever she wants and talk about your g.daughter. Allow lots and lots of time, the first year is the hardest, remembering all the things that should b e happenng and no longer are, the secondyhear is only slightly easier. But life does go on........Celebrate her birthday, have photos of her around your homes, and do remember that your other g.daughter is also having to cope with losing her sister

The fact that I burst into tears reading your post, relating it so much to my son - even after twenty years, shows how it remains with us always. BUT......you all owe it to that g.daughter/daughter/sister to live your lives.

How very hard for you and your family. Deepest sympathy and condolences x

I am very sad and sorry to read about your loss, particularly on the one day of the year that is supposed to be all about celebrating and family.

Deepest sympathy to you all

Beautiful words pandapatch

Heartfelt condolences to all who have lost a child.
I hope op's family can stay close to each other sharing and easing each other's pain.

One day at a time.

Wishing healing for all of you 💐

My deepest sympathy to you all xxx

Sad but true panda patch. So very sorry about your son. It’s a hard road to travel.

So sad to read this. How terrible for everyone.

Grandparents grieve twice; once for the grandchild and again for their own child’s pain. Sending gentle hugs.

My sincere condolences to you and your family. What sad news.

Such lovely, moving words, pandapatch. Thank you. I hope it’s now ‘most days’ for you. 💐

I am so very sorry, thinking of you and your family.

My son died when he was 34 and I would agree with every word you wrote M0nica. This was nearly 5 years ago and I find this comforting these days

“The best way I can describe grieving over a child as the years go by is to say it’s similar to carrying a stone in your pocket.

When you walk, the stone brushes against your skin. You feel it. You always feel it. But depending on the way you stand or the way your body moves, the smooth edges might barely graze your body.

Sometimes you lean the wrong way or you turn too quickly and a sharp edge pokes you. Your eyes water and you rub your wound but you have to keep going because not everyone knows about your stone or if they do, they don’t realize it can still bring this much pain.

There are days you are simply happy now, smiling comes easy and you laugh without thinking. You slap your leg during that laughter and you feel your stone and aren’t sure whether you should be laughing still. The stone still hurts.

Once in a while you can’t take your hand off that stone. You run it over your fingers and roll it in your palm and are so preoccupied by it’s weight, you forget things like your car keys and home address. You try to leave it alone but you just can’t. You want to take a nap but it’s been so many years since you’ve called in “sad” you’re not sure anyone would understand anymore or if they ever did.

But most days you can take your hand in and out of your pocket, feel your stone and even smile at its unwavering presence. You’ve accepted this stone as your own, crossing your hands over it, saying “mine” as children do.

"You rest more peacefully than you once did, you’ve learned to move forward the best you can. Some days you want to show the world what a beautiful memory you’re holding. But most days you twirl it through your fingers, smile and look to the sky. You squeeze your hands together and hope you are living in a way that honors the missing piece you carry, until your arms are full again"

Nansypansy, my deepest condolences on this loss in your fsmily. But it is barely 6 weeks since your DGD death and it is to be expected that all your family are as deep in grief as you are.

My sister died suddenly in her 40s, Both our parents were alive and i saw my parents grief at first hand. For all of us it was months and months, before we got over that first stage of raw grief. I understand how much you want to help, but probably the best you can do at the moment is just be a shoulder to cry on.

The last thing we wanted in the first six months was people trying to offer us consolation. I needed at times to quite literally roar my grief out. So do not look for ways of consoling your daughter and her family, just let them know that with you they can let their grief rip, that you are always there to listen, to be silent, always have endless packs of tissues at hand, and tea, and coffee, and biscuits.

Each of them, in their own way will find their own way out and finally will be able to lift their heads and see the sun again. If in the autumn any of them are stilldeep in grief, then is the time to suggest outside help.

This is utterly devastating for your family. I wonder whether you could explain to your daughter that this has made you realise that you need some help via counselling yourself and would she come with you? You seem a wonderful Mum and maybe she and you could benefit together and deepen further your evident closeness.

Nansypansy I have no advice but I’m just terribly sorry to hear about both these tragedies in your family. So sorry

Sincere condolences Nansypansy, I think counselling would be a help to your daughter and the organisation in Dickens’ post sounds like a good place to start.

So sorry to hear this Nansypansy You are all probably still in shock as the loss of your DGD is still very recent. Sometimes antidepressants/ sleeping tablets/counselling all have their place and can really help but as someone else has said they might just mask all the grief/pain etc which sadly has to be worked through. Support and love each other, cry together, smile together when you can. I hope you can get some answers soon. The Sue Ryder Charity is also another source of support. www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/online-bereavement-support

Baggs💞

I’m so very sorry to hear this. I have no words except to say I am thinking of you and your family.

So very sorry to hear this tragic news. My thoughts are with your family. How unfair life is sometimes.

I am so sorry to read of the tragic losses your family have had to bear. Life can be so cruel. I know how such tragedies can scar families for a very long time, if not forever. I can only offer my sincere condolences and hold you in my thoughts

I am so sorry. You must all till be in shock at the moment with the suddenness of the loss of your granddaughter. I think it is a bit soon for counselling, bereavement counsellors advise after 6 months as it's hard to marshal your thoughts beforehand. However do remember the Samaritans are always there to listen and they are there not just for your daughter but for you too with your worry about her. Tel 116 123, 24/7, 365 days a year.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what she is going through. Try and get her to see her doctor or a counsellor her grief must be immense. So sorry for you sending you hugs.

So very sorry for your loss.
Sending hugs

I am so sorry. Words simply aren’t enough.

I'm so sorry Nansypansy my condolences to you and your family. Your daughter needs your love and support more than ever and that must be so hard when you are grieving as well. Just be there for her and let her talk about things, counselling or a support group may help when she is a little further down the road.

What a terrible tragedy for you all. Your daughter will be so wound up in her own grief that she will not be focusing on anything else and no one will be able to get near her thoughts at the moment. Professional help is out there but she must work through this difficult road on her own at the moment with a careful eye kept on her. My Mum lost a son when he was 30yrs old and was never the same woman again. Thoughts and big extra hugs are on the way for you all.x