Gransnet forums


Sudden death of my granddaughter

(52 Posts)
Nansypansy Sun 12-Feb-23 09:13:50

I am at a loss to help my daughter. Her daughter passed away unexpectedly on Christmas Day aged 28. So far there is no reason. But it is my daughter I am so concerned about. She is utterly bereft and I fear for her. My other granddaughter who is 25 is very stoical and on the surface coping. My son in law is in bits about it but doing his absolute best to keep her sane. She has bad days and worse days and I just don’t know what I can do. She won’t take anti depressants and prefers sleeping tablets. I am now persuading her to take the antidepressants and check with her dr. To see whether her other medication will mix. My son (her brother) passed away 20 years ago at 34 (brain tumour) she doesn’t understand how much tragedy has befallen our family.

Witzend Sun 12-Feb-23 09:16:08

I’m so very sorry, Nansypansy, how dreadfully tragic for you all. 💐

Sparklefizz Sun 12-Feb-23 09:16:26

Oh goodness, I am so sorry Nansypansy. How shocking for you and your daughter and her family. Would your daughter speak to a counsellor? flowers My heart goes out to you.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 12-Feb-23 09:23:35

I’m so very sorry. What a terrible thing to happen, what a terrible day for it to happen, and how terrible that as yet there is no known reason. Your daughter needs help from her GP - to accept the antidepressants offered and perhaps counselling. You are being very selfless in putting your own grief aside to help your daughter and being there for her. My heart goes out to you all. 💐

Iam64 Sun 12-Feb-23 09:24:17

So sorry to read of your tragic losses Nansypansy. Grief is exhausting. For what it’s worth, I agree with you that sleeping tbs are best avoided. It’s also early in the bereavement process to take antidepressants though that’s not to dismiss the, it may help your daughter.
Her doctor ‘s surgery are likely to have a counsellor available if your daughter is willing to talk.
Be sure to take care of yourself

luluaugust Sun 12-Feb-23 09:30:25

I am so sorry and send my condolences.

Redhead56 Sun 12-Feb-23 09:35:37

I am so very sorry for you and your family what an awful situation you are in. The sudden loss of your granddaughter and the worry of your daughter. Keep in touch talking to her as much as you can just letting her know you are there to support her and her DH.
You must look after yourself too and come back here just to get things of your chest. There will always be very kind and supportive listeners here💐

dogsmother Sun 12-Feb-23 09:37:16

Huge great cyber hugs.
There really are no words, just condolences x

Fleurpepper Sun 12-Feb-23 09:38:18

Just can't find the words, so sending hugs - so hope you find professional help to support your daughter, and teh rest of the family. Pills are not necessarily the answer- it depends if she is suffereing from 'true' depression, or with totally normal masses of grief and pain.

Smileless2012 Sun 12-Feb-23 09:43:40

'I'm so very sorry' is so inadequate Nansypansy(((hugs))) flowers.

jenpax Sun 12-Feb-23 09:47:37

Nothing helpful to say only wanted you to know I was thinking of you so so sorry for you all x

Dickens Sun 12-Feb-23 09:49:46

So much grief for one family. Your daughter is understandably bereft.

The Compassionate Friends deals specifically with the loss of an adult child. Maybe, eventually, it might be an organisation which can give you and your daughter some much needed support?

I would imagine the grief is too raw at the moment flowers.

MawtheMerrier Sun 12-Feb-23 09:53:40

I am so very sorry flowers
You must be suffering twice over - mourning your granddaughter but as well as feeling your own pain, no mother can but feel the pain of her child’s suffering.
As a family you have had so much grief to cope with - sincere sympathies.

BlueBelle Sun 12-Feb-23 09:55:48

Oh how awful for you all ….to lose a child whatever age is tragic and to not know why makes it all seem worse
I do hope you can all gather some strength together and get through this it may help a tiny bit to get some answers but I think you all need bereavement counselling and I m surprised it’s not been offered please check with your local hospital or any charities on your area
Anti depressants just mask the problem for a while Do please seek help for you all

silverlining48 Sun 12-Feb-23 09:57:11

Nansy I dont have the words, I am so very sorry. What a terrible shock for you all.
Its only been a few weeks, your daughter will be heartbroken and understandably feels that sleep is the only way she feels she can cope with the pain.
Sleeping pills in the long run arent helpful especially if they are the stronger ones ( Zopiclone etc) but there are milder ones, Pfenerghan, which I was told are safer.
You have had tragedy too and know how she feels, its cruel.
Sending a gentle hug to you allx

Kate1949 Sun 12-Feb-23 09:57:22

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry.

Shelflife Sun 12-Feb-23 09:59:12

Nancypancy, I am so sorry to learn of your shocking news. You must be beside yourself with worry for you daughter. No advice , thankfully I have not been in your situation, all I can do is think of you and your family. Your daughter knows you are there for her and I send sincere condolences. 💐💐💐

Grammaretto Sun 12-Feb-23 10:00:06

Simply dreadful. You say there is still no reason. Does this mean that a post mortem is being performed?
Whether or not having a reason would help, I don't know but I would prefer a reason.
It is still so recent.
My DH died a little over 2 years ago and at last I can say I am in a different "place" now. The feelings are not so raw
A child though, whatever their age, is all wrong.

dragonfly46 Sun 12-Feb-23 10:02:14

I am so sorry to hear this Nansypansy. I hope you can persuade your DD to take the antidepressants. Losing a child is the worst thing and so unfair that you have both had to cope with this.

henetha Sun 12-Feb-23 10:09:00

My heart goes out to you and your family. I am so very sorry and sad for you. It seems so unfair.
I hope the antidepressants will help in time, if she will agree to take them.

Baggs Sun 12-Feb-23 10:15:12

Hugs from me, nansypansy. We are on the terminal brain tumour road too but not at the end yet. Sympathy and condolences to your whole family.

Lovetopaint037 Sun 12-Feb-23 10:28:35

Words are not enough to express this terrible loss and raw agony for all of you. A neighbour lost her 30 year old son in the same way, suddenly and unexpectedly. My aunt lost two sons through cancer and two husbands also through cancer. It was terrible but not the suddenness and on Christmas Day. It is impossible to comprehend the shock. You have also lost a child so perhaps your words of support will have more weight than from those who haven’t had such a trauma. Also, you have lost a grandchild. A terrible loss that you have to deal with. All we can do is express our sympathy for you and your family.

Cs783 Sun 12-Feb-23 10:36:39

I’m so sorry for the pain you and your family are suffering and appreciate your concern for your daughter. Dickens above mentioned the charity Compassionate Friends and I would add that passing their support phone number to your daughter could possibly help. My bereaved sister in law said that having only to lift the phone, to be able to speak to someone not closely involved but who had experienced a child’s death (at whatever age) was truly helpful. They genuinely are fellow sufferers, not pushing any agenda.

Bea65 Sun 12-Feb-23 10:49:53

My sincere condolences- truly tragic for your daughter and you and the family 🙏

emmasnan Sun 12-Feb-23 10:51:28

I am so sorry. Condolences to you and your family.