Pure Cremations

To me its just a vulgar show for the world

No it isn’t. This is simply just your opinion, presumably based on vulgar shows you have experienced.
For me it was a beautiful tribute to a life lived courageously and respecting the very deep and sincere religious faith of my DH.
He is buried in our village churchyard in a peaceful spot overlooking the fields where we used to walk. Rosie and I walk up there most days and despite my sadness I feel close to him.
Please do NOT always seek to impose your views on the rest of us.

My funeral will be extremely simple, in a small country church followed by burial in the churchyard where generations of my family have been buried over many centuries. Certainly not a vulgar show.

A funeral need not be a ‘vulgar show’, BigLouis. My mother’s was very simple, with the music and hymns she liked, inc. a beautiful recording of Panis Angelicus, soprano solo by a Gdd with her school choir.

I’m not at all religious, but I found it both fitting and comforting. Since my Dm was 97 there weren’t many attendees - we had drinks and a simple lunch in our garden afterwards.

Not long ago, sitting outside a SW London pub, I saw a horse drawn hearse go by - black horses with plumes on their heads, top-hatted undertakers in black + it was like something out of Dickens - quite a spectacle.
And IMO if that’s what the family want, that’s their choice.

From your account this is what I would wish for myself. Some people regard the funeral as a last chance to say goodbye. To me its just a vulgar show for the world. Mourning is done in the heart and not by wearing black garments. The price of a funeral now is atrocious and a dreadful waste of money. I would never pay that out for a relative.

My parents both left money in the estate earmarked for a cremation. When my surviving parent died my sister arranged the funeral and allowed herself to be suckered into agreeing to all kinds of extras. She tried to guilt trip me into going halves with her but I dug my heels in and said no. Take the extras out of the estate. However the greedy undertakers wants the money up front.

i have a direct cremation plan, have discussed it with my daughter, and have said have a meal or whatever she feels like doing.

That's what my husband said. Blondiescot. He said 'Have a party' (assuming I'm still here). I'm not sure how I would say to people 'He's died I'm having a party'. I suppose a meet up and a chat about him would be acceptable.

I'm having a direct cremation and my adult children respect my decision.
I'll have my ashes scattered in places where I have happy memories.

But there's nothing to stop anyone having that kind of thing even with a 'pure cremation'. You could have whatever kind of tribute you wanted to the deceased afterwards.

I have mixed feelings. Our daughter recently went to a funeral. She said to me 'Mom everyone should have a funeral. It was a wonderful tribute to him'.

My sister, who died at the end of last year, had arranged a direct funeral. Together earlier in the year we had our Dad’s funeral, it was as he would have wished a fairly ‘cheerful’ affair but my sister and I both felt it was so distressing that neither of us would want the same. We knew she was very ill and she made her own arrangements and very recently her ashes have been scattered in a favourite spot with a lovely meal afterwards for chatting and memories.

When my cousin died he didn't want a funeral service, hymns and such. He asked his children to arrange a cremation without a service. He only wanted close family there, so his children invited his remaining living family (there aren't many of us). We sat in the Chapel and listened to his favourite music, the curtains closed around the coffin. We listened to another song and went home. His children went to the local pub, we could have gone too, but had commitments.
It was weird but it was what he wanted.

Germanshepherdsmum Like you, I think I need to be there.
But as I prefer the "earthiness" and "solidity" of burials to cremations I suppose I am biased.

I am a person who weeps easily (with both sadness and joy) so the emotional aspect of these loving tears around a hole in the ground is actually cathartic.

I can only see a Pure Cremation in terms of the distress I have felt when my dogs have been pts, taken some distance for individual cremation and their ashes were returned - as opposed to when I had cats who were buried in the garden. It’s not rational, but I felt I had abandoned each dog to go alone on that last journey. Many will scoff and say ‘only dogs’, but they were much loved family members - hence the likeness I see with PC.

A friend was saying recently that that's what she has planned as she has no children and very few relatives. Ithink it's a bit sad for her friends. I'm hoping for a very simple green funeral, and to be buried under a silver birch tree..

When my mum died I felt in a difficult position organising her funeral. I am religious and my faith is important to me but she wasn't.

When my stepdad died she did what they both wanted and had a humanist service, which was lovely but I was torn as I did at the very least want the committal and the Lord's prayer.

Our vicar really helped me. She said that the funeral needed to be something I would find some comfort in as well as respecting mum's wishes, so I compromised with no bible readings and no hymns.

It was an important part of the grieving process for me as due to a complex family situation there'd been virtually no contact with her for the last 2 or 3 years of her life, and due to that and Covid restrictions, I was unable to say goodbye before she died.

Estrangement often makes a difficult time even more so EMMYPEMMY. We've been estranged from our youngest son for more than 10 years and I do not want him to attend my funeral. Mr. S. is undecided but recognises it would better for me if our ES did not attend his.

When the time comes I hope that he will respect our wishes if only for the sake of his extended family who he's also estranged, and would find it hard if he chose to attend.

My husband wants one of these. At the last funeral we went to he said 'Im not putting people through this'.

I think a private celebration of life when it suits family members is a nice way to say good bye to loved ones.

I arranged simple cremation and a celebratory meal for our auntie who wanted no fuss whatsoever. This what I also plan on arranging for myself my DH is undecided. My family all work and don’t live close by each other I want them to get on with their own busy lives,

It’s only a personal thought but funerals are outdated and expensive. Our son and daughter will have enough on their hands sorting out our possessions and property.

I've left instructions for no funeral. The enormous expense just isn't worth it. Especially as I have very few relatives to attend and most of my friends have died.
Just a private cremation and then a little family get together and play some Queen music.
This makes perfect sense to me, but each to his own of course.

My mum wanted and had this. It was weird but ok. The weird bit was the day of her cremation. But I was thinking of her and remembering.

Later, family got together to scatter her ashes.

Not having a funeral made little difference. I find them forced and artificial anyway.

I agree with germsnshepherdsmum. Funerals are for the living. I don’t agree that a funeral ‘brings closure’ but I do believe it’s a significant part of the grieving process.

My father told us he wanted me to arrange the clergy, we could choose hymns providing his favourite, the king of love my shepherd is was sung. Mum wanted her service to be similar - both wanted cremation.
My husband was given a devastating, unexpected, diagnosis last year. He died six months later. He wanted to live and took every palliative treatment offered. We did talk about his wishes, which were to be buried in a woodland remembrance garden, to have all his loved ones sing Jerusalem. That’s what happened. It was very important to his family and friends that the huge unexpected loss was shared

There is nothing to stop the family having a celebration similar to a funeral service, where people talk about the deceased and what they meant to them. The scattering/interment of the ashes could form part of that.

I have a Pure cremation in place. When I die, my body will be taken,cremated and the ashes returned to my family ,then when they are ready,be that the next day, the next month or the next year, they will take me to the beach where I have asked my ashes to be scattered and then on the way home they are to stop at a restaurant and have a lovely meal and raise a glass. I cannot stand funerals my children understand this and are quite happy with my plans.

Leaving aside the religious aspect, though it’s important for me, funerals are for the living. OP has demonstrated that.

Due to family issues I have made this decision , I had a funeral planned but my adult kids don't speak its been years . I decided I didn't want a funeral with a broken family avoiding each other so I've arranged a direct cremation. They can do what they want or not afterwards

How do people cope with estranged children and Grandparents
I have a daughter who as she gets older becomes more nasty and uncaring towards us . Keeping my Grandaughter from us