Everyday people we miss

For a long time I have been telling my DD and her partner that they should see more of their oldest friends. They tend to meet up en masse around once a year, but then they never seem to have much contact. Then, last year, one of them killed himself, and one narrowly escaped dying of a brain tumour. I think it was a wake up call for all the rest that life and friendship is something we need to nurture, because you simply never know….

Today I and my OH miss my lovely much loved MIL .We lost her just before Christmas 2021 and its her birthday this week ,our second without her.
We're both grieving her and its worse than last year when we had all the house clearing ,selling etc to keep our minds busy .
We've lost so many family and friends since Covid and its not over yet we have two friends who were given a year to live the same week MIL died.Thankfully both still here ,one doing much better than the other but when the phone rings late at night my heart skips a beat .Life can be shit ,cant it?

Absolutely beautiful Shinamae - not virtue signalling at all, just sharing lovely memories.

I'm afraid it's just the circle of life. Our friendly little cul de sac of people is still good. Us older ones love and interact with the young couples and youngsters. Also visiting grandchildren have kids to play with when here.

I spent all my school years in the same house, but moved for University. Then for a first job. Stayed there for ages. Got bored. Moved to another hemisphere. Had kids,moved back to UK , but a different city, then moved again. Im not very good at hanging on to people. I am envious of those who still meet up with school friends, toddler group, mums, work colleagues.

We bought our house from a couple who had been married for over forty years, and the house had been new when they married. I felt the couple and the house were pretty old; now we have been married far longer, the house is now almost one hundred years old. We have seen so many friends and neighbours die in this time. It is sad; I think of those dear familiar faces, the cheerful banter across the gardens.
I have been told that to be nostalgic and sentimental is quite destructive. 'Hard not to indulge at times.

Lived have in our home for forty years. We were only the second family with toddler/ babies to move in to the close for 30 odd years; all the other residents been there since their children were babies. One house had been occupied by the Sam family for50+ years. Now there are only couples, their children now grown up with family of their own. We'll only move when we can no longer cope and the next lot of residents hopefully will be as happy as we have been.

I so know what you mean.
I was wondering recently why a day out nowadays can mean shopping or a visit out somewhere.
It used to be a lot more of, visit family.

My parents had twelve siblings between them so I enjoyed a childhood amongst many aunts, uncles and cousins. The aunts and uncles have all died, and many of the cousins too. My DD now lives on the street where I was born, as was my mother and her siblings. I still visited an aunt and uncle there until 1970. The house is no longer standing, but I yearn for those close family ties every week when I walk along that street.

LRavenscroft seems to be living somewhere that suits her which is lovely. But my MIL moved to a suburban area when her children were in their early teens, with lots of similar families. She ended up twenty years later marooned in a sea of young families, without any of her old friends and neighbours.
It's inevitable that people move on, either for work, to be near relatives or simply to move up the housing ladder - and sadly some die. It was a great shame that my MIL didn't move too, the three bedroomed house and garden were much too big for her and she was lonely.
If an area has changed so much that it doesn't make you happy any longer it makes sense to move.

I was brought up in a very open area which is now a London suburb. We had a very large back garden which now has three sheds housing 3 families in them. No planning permission of course as they are
“only sheds “. The front garden is now a car park, the allotments up the road are 5 story flats with blankets at the windows not curtains and the infants school has been turned into a nursery for the babies of working parents. The large local pub is now 3 separate shops plus a nail bar and a betting shop. Don’t go back. Remember with love but don’t go back.

Ah, shinamae, the memories your photograph of Mortehoe brought back to me! I feel so close to tears remembering and feeling so nostalgic
My late husband as a young boy spent virtually every school summer holiday in the 50's and 60's with his family at a hotel opposite The Mortehoe (can't remember its name but was run by a Mrs O'Sullivan)
I used to work summer university holidays in the early 70's at The Mortehoe Hotel as waitress/chambermaid with my late husband. Many sunny afternoons spent on Grunta Beach!
We spent our honeymoon in Mortehoe. Such a beautiful place.
Happy days!

I yearn for family, friends and neighbours long gone. Life seems so fleeting and full of loss as we age.

I ended up many miles from Mum and Dad from the age of 17, when I left home. They didn’t have a phone but we wrote to each other every week. My Dad would write and mum would add a page or two. I so looked forward to those letters, especially after I married and was living abroad, and still have some of them.
Our long standing friends and relatives are very thin on the ground now. Each year seems to deplete their numbers. I spoke to an old friend this morning and it’s fairly obvious he’s struggling with illness and age related issues now. But we can still make each other laugh and laughter is the best medicine.
On a road of mixed age groups, I am, at 76, probably the oldest resident now. As children get older and stop riding scooters and bikes up and down the road you see less of them. My neighbours have a couple of very young children but they are not nearly old enough yet to be allowed the freedom to be out unsupervised. By the time they are, I will probably have moved on to a smaller property. I like to hear them in the garden though. It’s good to hear young voices.

My neighbour and old friend John and my cousin's, all gone now.

I moved into my house in '91 with my then husband and two young boys. I am still in the same house, new partner, boys have moved out and have their own families. We have made some changes to it and I admit, the driveway has extended over the whole front garden so we can park. I miss my boys living at home, the conversations and family meals. One son and DIL live local to me and I have my granddaughter one day a week which is lovely. The other son and DIL are only a 15 minute drive away.
My road has changed. As others have said, we were the young family, my neighbour then moved in with her four children. It has changed now, more cars parked on concrete driveways, and more parked in the road, us young families are now approaching being the 'older people' and young people have moved in where neighbours used to live. I do have thoughts of those that have passed on, one lady in particular that I was very friendly with and I do miss popping over to see her. Her husband moved on and there is a young couple in their house. They are very nice. Times change and the circle of life continues. I am still happy here though.

I wonder how many of us who ended up many miles away from Mum and Dad and used to ring our parents at a set time on a set day?
Mine was 7 o clock on Sunday - even if I did also ring at other times) because by their late 70’s and 80’s they liked their “routine”.
They’ve been dead for 22 years, but I still have that momentary urge on a Sunday evening….

Gosh me too MM, every single Sunday evening 7pm (time abroad, 6pm here) I would telephone my mother for years and years until she came to live with me for her final 2 years.

What a lovely, positive thought micmc. Uplifting take on mortality. Thank you.

I've got to that rather sad stage of life when it seems that almost every few weeks I'm getting news that another relative, friend or acquaintance has passed. On the positive side, at least I'm still here to reflect on those warm, precious memories of time spent with them. What these bereavements emphasisefor me is the need to "seize the day" as regards contact with those who are close to me. I remind myself that one day, I too will be no more than a memory to them, so I'm determined to make that memory a good one.

This has happened to me too, not helped by the fact that the Cornish village I was born in was the one used in the filming of Doc Martin. One of my cousins tells me the old part of the village is barely inhabited in the winter. And the prices the houses go for there are astronomical. The house my aunt rented has just sold for over a million pounds. No local couple can afford them. The shops there are full of holiday tat, whereas we had a thriving local business comunity. I can still remember the names of the shop keepers and I am 85 now. They call it progress.

I know this sounds completely crazy but although I often can’t picture in my mind someone I’ve lost I still hear their voice on the telephone so clearly. And part of me feels that I could still dial their number and they would pick up the phone and answer. It all goes back to a very dear friend I lost many years ago who I used to mainly speak to on the phone.

NanKate what a beautiful view from your front door! Very uplifting and wonderful for the soul. No wonder you don’t want to move. Friendly neighbours, not too intrusive sounds like the icing on your cake.
😊

I’ve lost 6 people I loved in 3 years now, I’ve been devastated and I miss them constantly, and still reeling that all 6 have gone, none older than 75. I do try and focus on positives, Mum is 93 today, and I do have my lovely AC and families, and other friends to keep me going. But on many occasions lately, I have asked myself, what is this all about. All any of us can do is make the most of every day and feel grateful that we have the privilege of carrying on regardless.

Today is the anniversary of my lovely mother's funeral, 5 years ago.
And no - time is NOT a great healer...

We also have lost both neighbours on either side of us and a friend further down the road. We were young when we moved in with young children and now we are probably the oldest. It is strange and sad to think about all the people who have moved away or died. I am nearly 82 and my dh 84. Life is a fleeting experience.