Hope you don't think I am crass, but I do need advice

annsixty

NfkDumpling I hadn’t seen before that your DH had died and I send my condolences.
We are both long-standing members and in our time have seen many of us come to be members of “the club”.
Kindest thought to you and your family.

Thank you Annsixty. I am so fortunate in my family and good friends. It is indeed a club, a widespread one of mainly women who give so much support and empathy. Life is very, very different.

Whiff, that cross stitch is lovely. It certainly made me smile.

I made this as I cross stitch and it makes me smile every time I look at it. My dancing days where over when my health got worse when I was 29. But my parents danced 4 times a week until my dad's last 6 months. He always wore a flat cap.

Smiling and laughing is important I realised that not long after my husband died and the grief was overwhelming. When I had cried that much my chest hurt and my nose and eyes where sore from wiping them . It's not wrong to laugh or just smile especially at memories my husband was a kultz and couldn't wash the car without cutting himself.

That's why I said think of something to make you smile it's hard but it gives you a few minutes of peace from the pain of grief.

But this is my own experience everyone is different but everything you feel and everything you do there is no right or wrong. Don't let anyone tell you different. You do what's best for you .

I ramble and probably don't make much sense but that's me in real life.

One of my craft group posted it on our what's app group. She had seen it online. I was the first to say to put it politely a man's dangly bits. ( I said the rude version)

There is a pelican crossing I use every week someone has draw his dangly bits on the red man But nothing on the green man who is striding. I wish I had the courage to draw them on then they would match .Think I am a bit old to start vandalising anything at 65.

Even though we are grieving life can be fun . And I know my husband would want me to laugh . Not long after he died I read a report saying people who live alone don't laugh when alone . Which is rubbish. I laugh even if it's at myself when I do something odd.

NfkDumpling

Whiff

Here's something silly that might make you smile . It's supposed to be a reindeer key ring.

I'll take your word for that! I'm afraid my mind saw something else!

(I've just figured out what what RTFT means - I think!)

Something rude and rather phallic the last thing you want when you have just lost your DH.

NfkDumpling I hadn’t seen before that your DH had died and I send my condolences.
We are both long-standing members and in our time have seen many of us come to be members of “the club”.
Kindest thought to you and your family.

Whiff

Here's something silly that might make you smile . It's supposed to be a reindeer key ring.

I'll take your word for that! I'm afraid my mind saw something else!

(I've just figured out what what RTFT means - I think!)

The posts weren’t anything nasty, it was just that the posters hadn’t read the full thread and were responding to the original post, not knowing that grandtante had posted to say that her husband had sadly passed away.

Here's something silly that might make you smile . It's supposed to be a reindeer key ring.

NfkDumpling glad my post helped.

I didn't see the post by Tink but it must have been some horrible to write on a bereavement thread. Why do people do that . Grief is all consuming without horrible remarks.

My husband's mom was bad enough after he died she told everyone she hadn't got a son or grandchildren. My in laws where vile people. But my husband never gave up on them as he loved them but didn't like them. They looked after him but never gave him love and attention . He got that from my family.

Even though I hate my mother in law I looked after her because she was my husband's mom and the children's nan. They never gave up on her either. Even though she denied they existed. She refused to go too theirs weddings but went to her nephews. She had no excuse for her behaviour as she still had her marbles when she died 11 years after her son aged 91.

I was her emergency contact and down as next of kin and sat but her bedside the last 2 days of her life 15 hours each day. A nurse said you must love her but told her I hated her but couldn't not be there. As soon as she died her brother and sister in law turned up.

I haven't told you that to make myself out to be a saint but to show even family members can be horrible without complete strangers posting horrible things here.

I did what I did because of my love for my husband. He only asked me to keep an eye on his mom . Don't think he meant me to do all the things I did for her for 11 years . But she was family and I was brought up with a strong sense of family . And I couldn't have turned my back on her. That would have been cruel in my eyes.

To all those who are grieving while it can be overwhelming even years later it can suddenly hit you. Hold on the love and life you had with your loved one . Even the bad times. And try and think of something they did which will make you smile no matter how silly. I promise it does help may not for long but as the days and weeks turn into months the grief doesn't get easier well that's my experience but you start to learn to cope. Love and grief will be your constant companion. But with love there would be no grief so it's a price we all have to pay to love someone completely the other half of yourself. 💐

My DH died in July so I've only just seen this thread and want to send the biggest of gentle hugs to grandtante. Be kind to yourself - and don't forget to eat!

And thank you so much for your post Whiff, it rang so true.

So very sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you.

Sending you big hugs on the sad day grandtante.

Thinking of you, grandtante. I’m so sorry to read of your sad loss and wish you strength for the days to come.

grandtante
Just sending you a hug 🤗 x

Thinking of you today, Grandtante.

My thoughts are with you*Grandtante*, sending you and your family my love

I'm thinking of you Grandtante I'm so terribly sorry for your great loss. 💐

Grandtante sending condolences to you and your family and may your dear husband rest in peace.

Take care of yourself x

Thinking of you Grandtante.

Perhaps I am extra sensitive as it is 6 years today that Paw was admitted to hospital for the final time, but on behalf of Grandtante and anybody else suffering such crass comments - please, please - read, think and then post- in that order.
I just hope GT doesn’t see this - as her DH’s funeral is/was today, I hope she is surrounded by her family and GN is the last thing on her mind

I am so very sorry grandtante, may he rest in peace

Thinking of you grandtante and sending you love. 💐

I can’t believe this is still happening. I have asked GN if they can post on the thread in the hope of preventing more grossly insensitive remarks by people who don’t RTFT.

?????

@Tink - have you read this thread?