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Death of best friend

(21 Posts)
Blis1234 Wed 13-Sep-23 09:52:53

My best friend died suddenly a few months ago. We had been friends for over 30 years, having holidays abroad together, days out and were always there for each other, just a phone call away. We were more like sisters, than friends. We had so many plans for ‘little holidays’ when I retire in a years time. Now, I feel so incredibly alone, with no friend to talk to or laugh with. My husband hates going out for lunches, or days out, even refuses to go on holiday. So right now I feel ‘Broken’, with nothing to look forward to. Each day, it’s ‘get up, clean the house, go to work, come home and sleep’. How do you cope when your best friend dies?

Redhead56 Wed 13-Sep-23 10:07:59

So very sorry you must be so sad take comfort in your memories you have and your friend will always be in your heart 💐

Foxygloves Wed 13-Sep-23 10:26:12

Sincere condolences
My DH was my best friend so it was not only his loss but my life changed for ever.
How do you cope ?
You get up, you put one foot in front of the other, you become accustomed to having “nobody to do nothing with”. Life goes on - there is no alternative.
How are her family coping I wonder? Can you help by being there for them?

Georgesgran Wed 13-Sep-23 10:27:02

I couldn’t pass without offering my sympathy. A very good friend of mine died in March, not suddenly, but well before her time. I miss her very much and have had to stop going to places where we used to meet, as they’re such a sad reminder.
Your loss is still very raw, and you are mourning not only losing her, but all those plans you believed you had for years to come. I can sense you don’t, perhaps, have the life with your DH that you’d like? As you’re still working, I take it he is too? Do you have other family? My DH was much the same, but I eventually persuaded him to come with me to various venues - garden centres, etc and he often enjoyed a light lunch/coffee there. Perhaps you could find something you could do together to get out and about at weekends? Holidays were a definite ‘no’ with my DH too, but DD2, my SinL and a divorced friend are always up for something.
I often think of the daft times my friend and I had together. I have a place in my heart for her, always. Treasure your memories.

Grandmabatty Wed 13-Sep-23 10:31:19

My best friend of 59 years died in March this year. It is difficult I agree, to realise that they are no longer here. However, as Foxie says, you carry on. I think about her often and keep her alive in my mind. I talk about her too but memories of the things we used to get up to. I now say "yes" more to meeting up with other friends. I live my life. At first it helped me to think she was away on holiday. I also visit her partner regularly to keep in touch. Hope that helps.

BigBertha1 Wed 13-Sep-23 10:55:40

How very sad for you Blis1234. I don't really know what to say except that there are people here to talk with for now and perhaps in time you might like to meet up and find a new a friend. Sincere condolences today. flowers

M0nica Wed 13-Sep-23 11:04:48

You are not alone. So many of us are struggling with this. A dear friend of nearly 50 years died suddenly last Easter. The memory of her (like writing this post) still brings tears to my eyes.

But your friend's death was ony a few months ago, so it is now wonder you are still in the thrall of grief.

You say she was like a sister to you, well, I lost a sister 32 years over (Oh is it that long?) and I can still be reduced to tears at her loss when suddenly reminded of her by something, some music, or somewhere. Your grief will never really leave you, but you kind of incorporate it into your life. It becomes an extra dimension of living.

Smileless2012 Wed 13-Sep-23 11:25:14

My sincere condolences for your loss Blisflowers.

A dear friend and our next door neighbour died a month ago age just 47. Although we'd only known her for 6.5 years she and her wife had been a huge part of our lives, and we've been shocked at the extent of our grief for her loss.

To lose such a close and long standing friend is heartbreaking and will take time to come to terms with. You have your memories of a wonderful friend and in time will find some comfort in those.

NoraBone Wed 13-Sep-23 11:28:33

"How do you cope when your best friend dies?"

I'm so sorry OP.

My best friend died 20 months ago today (aged 62), and she is in my thoughts constantly. We used to have such lovely days out and theatre trips, afternoon teas and weekends away. Her partner announced to friends at her funeral he was going to go to the theatre and on outings with me in the future and something inside of me froze - . I think he was looking for someone to look after him (long term disabled) and it shook me quite badly.

I have taken a few holidays with solo traveller companies in the past - they do some in the UK, but I've always headed abroad. Meetup groups can be good. I'm still working full time so I miss out on stuff in my village, but I'm considering volunteering at a local theatre just to have something to put in my diary to look forward to! Not looking for a best friend, just some friendly companionship.

halfpint1 Wed 13-Sep-23 11:56:06

I too lost my friend 18 months ago. She was in my whole life
history and the silence still hurts. Like Monica even writing
this brings the tears. Best friends are very special , we are somebody else when we are with them and to loose them leaves a space that nothing else will ever fill.

nadateturbe Wed 13-Sep-23 12:01:32

Blis1234 I'm sorry you've lost your best friend. My dearest friend, much closer to her than my sisters, died four years ago. We shared everything. Now I have to grow old without her.
I was lucky as I had other friends and went to classes. So I wasn't lonely. Just miss her so much.
It's very early days in your grief and I really feel for you. You will need to find things to do to fill the empty space, whenever you are ready. Perhaps join U3A and make some new friends. No one will replace your best friend but life will get better. And you will treasure all the lovely memories. xx

Blis1234 Mon 18-Sep-23 09:46:34

Thank you everyone for your posts. It is early days since my dear friends passing and hopefully in time, I will be able to get through each day without shedding a few tears and feeling so lost. I think that when someone dies so suddenly, those left behind are in complete shock. Trying to come to terms with their death is one thing, realising your life won’t be the same again, is another. I’m taking each day as it comes and thinking of what I want to get out of the remaining years of my life. I do want to travel and see something if this world, so maybe I will book a solo holiday. Again, thank you for your kind words.

MayBee70 Mon 18-Sep-23 10:08:00

I’ve lost several of my dearest friends over the past couple of years. Because of the pandemic I hadn’t seen them for a while before they died and wonder if that’s why I still can’t actually believe that I won’t see or speak to them again. I have vivid dreams about one of them on a regular basis and wake up feeling quite shaken.

HelterSkelter1 Mon 18-Sep-23 10:14:47

I lost my friend of 40+ years three yesrs ago next month. And it is still sad to go to places she and I went to.

I feel lucky to have had such a good friend who enjoyed the same things. We had such laughs over the years.

My life has changed as well and my daily "normal" is very different from when she was alive. Circumstances have changed. In a way that has helped.
Can you make some changes in your daily routine which may help? I send you my sympathy. It is hard.

Fleurpepper Mon 18-Sep-23 10:21:47

So sorry to hear- it is so hard. I lost my best friend of pancreatic cancer over 20 years ago, aged 52. I still miss her terribly.

But currently, being in our mid 70s, we are losing so many friends, and many others are living with very poor quality of life due to long-term illness, the aftermath of massive strokes, etc. And of course all our favourite actors, singers, etc. and make us very aware that it could be us in the not so distant future.

True and deep friendship is rare, so hope all the wonderful memories will sustain you, and be 'glad' that she didn't suffer a long and painful decline and loss of dignity. hugs

henetha Mon 18-Sep-23 10:29:00

Sending you my deepest sympathy. I can absolutely relate to how you feel. Not having many relatives, my friends have meant everything to me. When my best friend since we were 17 died it was utterly devastating. And now, because I am very old, I've lost most of my other friends too.
It's hard to know words of comfort, but I can say that time does help, of course. I do hope your husband can be persuaded to join you in some outings from time to time.
My very best wishes to you.

Granmarderby10 Mon 18-Sep-23 10:36:01

Make some small changes to your routine. Even take a different route to work or back home.
Very gradually this will create a new normal. This will help.

Allsorts Thu 21-Sep-23 05:41:47

So sorry Blis, you just get through each day to start with. The loss of my life was my husband dying.He was just turned 60 and seemed much fitter than me.He was the best friend I ever had, he put me first as I did him, he told me to enjoy my life and to travel and I remember telling him nothing would matter without him, his reply, life is precious I don’t want you to waste it, when I’m gone you start again. I’ve done as he asked, but I miss him still, it’s just inside me now. Four years later my best female friend of forty years died. That was such a blow. I joined things went on holiday, had little goals and planned things, eventually you do move on, but those special people stay there in your heart for ever, life will be good but not the same. Just take one day at a time, it sounds a cliche but it’s true, treat yourself, plan different things.
Hope I haven’t rambled too much, I know how raw and different it is now and eventually you will get a new normal.

grandMattie Thu 21-Sep-23 05:49:59


Sincere condolences
My DH was my best friend so it was not only his loss but my life changed for ever.
How do you cope ?
You get up, you put one foot in front of the other, you become accustomed to having “nobody to do nothing with”. Life goes on - there is no alternative.
How are her family coping I wonder? Can you help by being there for them?

I so agree. And the old proverb “laugh and the world laughs with you…” is never so true.
I have bad days, I cry a lot, but always in private. Life goes on, sadly. As someone said in a different thread “the pain goes but you always carry the sadness”.
Be courageous, think of your friend’s family and their sorrow.

Fethiye53 Sun 29-Oct-23 07:47:32

Lost my best friend 18 months ago. Miss her so much but I know she would be saying get on with you life from the spirit world.

GrannySomerset Sun 29-Oct-23 08:16:07

Losing someone who knows you through and through is so hard. Last year DH died in January and my oldest and dear friend since I was five died in November so I feel adrift in the world with the two people who knew me best and loved me anyway no longer here. I imagine it gets easier with time and meanwhile am grateful for the love I had.