I have never experienced bereavement

I would seek support if you feel you need it OP - but not to feel guilt if you are surviving and thriving, and if you can remember them mainly with fondness, that's fab. We're all only passing through.
I grieved for my beautiful grandmother in her 90s , my fabulous aunt in her late 80s, two good friend in their 50s one from cancer and one from a heart attack. But it was manageable.
And several other losses - it's been overwhelming in a short space of time.
But the loss of a child or young person, as we have sadly known recently, is another thing altogether and can end up with trauma, depending on circumstances, which can be traumatic, horrific. It can be sudden - car accidents, suicide, other accidents such as a drowning, or an unexpected illness or medical negligence. Or 'expected' as with failure in treatment for a brain tumour (our friend's child) or long term condition - it is equally horrific , to see the deterioration in someone who was healthy and fit not so long ago.
The main thing is to be there to support others /colleagues/friends who perhaps know grief too well - to allow space, to not minimise their loss, to not lead with 'toxic positivity' ('the sun is shining, hope that helps...' - No, it will not 'help' especially if it's a traumatic loss and if it's a younger person)!. One of the hardest thing is to be told to get over it or to have someone declare flippantly 'RIP' regarding a young person. No.
RIP is more fitting for an older person. RIP is hard to hear when young people should be dancing and living their lives.
Our neural pathways change when you suffer a traumatic loss - ie it can become physical - and can cause heart rhythm problems even - but if others haven't known that, then it's not their fault that they cannot understand.

The OP just posted on another thread she wants cremation, can’t stand the idea of her body rotting in the ground. I’ll be joining my husband in our woodland burial site. I

I'm pretty certain she has been round and about the forum since this thread.
No reason why she shouldn't.

Assume poster won’t be seen again. I’ve lost a lot of people, grieved for them all, the grief fades but I miss them. The worst ever was my husband, he was also my best friend. Grief is the price we pay for loving, my life was rich for having them.

Somebody did.

I am NOT offering to sell my artwork to anyone on this forum! I said I much prefer to create a picture for FREE, just to make them happy, which apparently it does

Calm down OP!
Who said you were? .

Frankly I would not call that a normal reaction.

I am NOT offering to sell my artwork to anyone on this forum! I said I much prefer to create a picture for FREE, just to make them happy, which apparently it does.

As for my feelings when someone I know dies, I don't think it unreasonable to be relieved if they are no longer in pain or distress.

For instance, I got on really well with my maternal grandmother, sadly she had a massive stroke and was completely out of it. I knew, having been told by her many times how unhappy she would be if she could no longer look after herself and others had to attend to her personal care. So when she died I was very relieved, and knew that if I shed a single tear over her demise she would have told me off, for being so silly.

I was not the only family member who was very relieved when our elderly relatives died and shed no tears, I won't go into details, it would unfair on them.

So sorry to hear your plight. If you can, pay for a BACP registered therapist.

pascal30

MadeinYorkshire... My local GP is able to prescribe 6 counselling sessions.. I don't know whether you even want to talk to someone but it might be a possibility if your GP could do that.. It sounds like you have had a horrible time I admire that you have coped at all..

Thanks - I asked my GP (who is excellent but is being restrained by what he can do - he gave my daughter as much time as she needed, but as he said to her, she was beyond his expertise, all he could do was keep re-referring her) It was him that gave me the number to call for the assessment that I got very high scores in and then discharged me!

I am seeing him later this afternoon, so we will see! I doubt he is able to refer me for what I actually need ...

zakouma66

*Made in Yorkshire* MH services are very thinly spread and the Catch 22 is when you don't feel well, you can't always make good choices. I'm pretty sue what you are describing is trauma/ PTSD.

There is no Mind in my area. A lot of talk of being triaged and waiting for a wellbeing worker.

I feel if people got the right help at the right time it would be kinder and would save money, as they would be be well and productive. I hope you find the energy to get help.

Don't I know it!

My daughter was with the MH services since the age of 9, 20 years! She didn't even get diagnosed until the age of 26 with one of the most difficult MH disorders you can get - and STILL got no help, just more and more stronger medication. She finally got 'upgraded' to go through the treatment about 6 weeks before she died, but it hadn't yet kicked in ...

After 17 months of waiting, her Inquest is coming up in June.

Sensible post marionk

Perhaps the OP is genuinely confused with her terminology or perhaps it isn't genuine.

Either way, its made for some discussion and Thank You to the poster who contacted me.

MOnica, you have reminded me of the death of a really horrible, lecherous client in an RTA. We weren’t bereaved. We actually went to the pub and celebrated.

I do think OP must mean “grief”
If an elderly relative has died, that is unquestionably a “bereavement”
I would think it highly unlikely that nobody close to OP had died in the course of her lifetime.

Being bereaved is not an emotion. It simply means someone close to you has died.

You can be bereaved and be out on the town celebrating the death of a nasty person.

MadeinYorkshire... My local GP is able to prescribe 6 counselling sessions.. I don't know whether you even want to talk to someone but it might be a possibility if your GP could do that.. It sounds like you have had a horrible time I admire that you have coped at all..

I don't think we know what Yongy means by feeling " bereaved" because he/she clearly was relieved that a consolation after the death of elder relatives was that they were pain free; that does show feelings.
I agree with everyone who has said that we are all different . Of course there is a place for people who feel great grief and who show those emotions ; such people allow others the freedom to express their own grief without embarrassment as well as authentically exhibiting their own natural behaviour.
This person, Yongy, might naturally not have deep emotions or alternatively and more dangerously might hide and/or suppress them. In that case I would be worried for Yongy.
To be brutally practical if everyone in a bereavement situation is falling apart it might help if one person is a cool customer.
Just my point of view.

How was it insulting?? Everyone reacts to the death of a loved one differently and just because OP has a more pragmatic approach does not make it insulting to those of us who have been broken by loss.

Made in Yorkshire MH services are very thinly spread and the Catch 22 is when you don't feel well, you can't always make good choices. I'm pretty sue what you are describing is trauma/ PTSD.

There is no Mind in my area. A lot of talk of being triaged and waiting for a wellbeing worker.

I feel if people got the right help at the right time it would be kinder and would save money, as they would be be well and productive. I hope you find the energy to get help.

You have been through some massive and totally dreadful experiences Made In Yorkshire. Whatever you are feeling or not feeling is totally understandable. I hope you eventually find some support.

But Yongy, I am still not sure what you expected to feel that you think you are missing. In you OP you said you just felt relieved that their sufferings had ended.

When I enquired what you had expected to feel (which you didn't feel), you just repeated that you were relieved that their sufferings had ended.

My posts are ALL genuine and describe my thoughts and feelings and those of my husband on this topic.

MissAdventure

There could be underlying reasons why someone doesn't grieve in a "normal way".
It doesn't impact on anyone else's experience of loss and bereavement though.

I agree ...

I've experienced 30 years of trauma, due to the loss of my dad a 39 year old neighbour who I'd spent 25 mins trying to resuscitate whilst I was 8 months pregnant and didn't succeed. Then having to have a caesarean, and then giving birth to my daughter who screamed for 17 months with colic - I didn't have the time to grieve for my dad and friend.

Then a marriage break-up due to abuse, then my health started to decline and 24 surgeries later, it all culminated in the suicide of my daughter.

I feel that I have been resilient'' for so long, that I just cannot 'describe my feelings' at all, and feel as though I have an 'emotional detachment disorder'. Asked my GP about it and he gave me a number to call, and a telephone assessment followed.

There two questionnaires, one for depression an the other for anxiety. Scores of 10 or more and 8 or more indicate that you would benefit from further treatment. I scored 27/27, and 18/21, and was told to contact MIND as they couldn't help me! You couldn't make it up ....

Whiff

The OP has started 3 threads today the latest on art and craft offering to sell her digital art work.

That tells you this is a scam

Oh well, people like to start threads.

Some people skip on, some comment, not really important!