Have you ever been to a wake?

I remember when my maternal Irish Gran died in the 60s and we were in rural Ireland for her funeral. After a 48hr wake in the farmhouse which was packed round the clock with visitors the coffin was finally closed ready to go to church for funeral Mass and burial.

Her close friend in the neighbouring farm was assigned to remain in the house when all the family left with the hearse. It was a superstition they strictly believed that if the deceased person’s house was left empty at that point their spirit might not leave. All the kitchen chairs were turned upside down on the kitchen table to make sure Gran’s spirit didn’t linger . The same happened in the 70s when my maternal Grandpa died.

MissInterpreted

Oldbat1

Yes a wake in Scotland was normal. I was always worried in case my dad died and the body would be in the house in an open coffin. Huge concern for me. Luckily both my parents lived until latt 80s and 90s so that was a waste of a worry.

I'm Scottish (lived here all my life) and I've never known anyone who had one.

I have never seen one in Scotland either perhaps as all my friends and relations are Protestants or non believers . One aunt had a small service at home with the coffin closed with only the female relatives there then the men went to the burial . This was in 1965 so nearly 60 years ago .

NotSpaghetti

I've been to an Irish wake and also have "sat with" a lovely friend who had died. He had died st home and we were very close to him and his family

We got a call from his son to see if we wanted to join them and about a dozen of us watched over him for his first night and had a few drinks, and remembered him. The sun rose to his adult children playing his favourite songs on his own instruments.

I felt very privileged to share this time with him and his loved ones in a space so filled with love.
His wife and I both thought those hours of darkness it had the same feeling as after a birth. It was strange and beautiful.

I know that a "vigil" is traditional if you are Jewish and it continues until the burial. It has a special name. I'm sure someone will know it.

I believe it’s called ‘ sitting Shiva’, and the family sit on wee low stools and say certain prayers. I think it’s the mourning period after the funeral.

I recently read a book entitled 'My Father's Wake: How the Irish teach us to live, love and die by Kevin Toolis.'

It was a real eye-opener into how we have sanitised death in this country and how those old ways of doing things enriched the lives and culture in the old days beyond anything we can imagine now.

Well worth a read.

A two day wake before the burial was always a normal occurrence in Ireland for both religions. The open coffin was in the home.
Nowadays it's changed, a funeral parlour is used, a time is set for paying respects, and the coffin is shut. Cremations are bring used more.

NotSpaghetti

I would never call an after-burial or after a cremation "reception" a wake.

Maybe you wouldn’t but many people do.A wake to me is the reception after the funeral.
I once read that the old word wake was for a celebration or fair or meeting ground.
Guess it means different things to different people.

A neighbour round the corner had her husband brought home the night before the funeral to lie in the house.
Whether the coffin was open I don’t know as I only found out at the actual funeral. It’s thought.
DH died in hospital but I asked the funeral directors to bring the hearse to the house before going to the church and then after the service, I got them to drive him round the village one last time past the first house we had lived in here and where he was very happy.
I think there’s a lot of psychological basis to some of the old customs, helping the bereaved to give a structure to their grieving.

I don’t wish to sound insensitive, but does an open coffin mean that the deceased starts to smell before it’s closed?

I would think it’s awkward in a small house.

No Calandargirl they are usually embalmed

In my experience of family deaths in Ireland the funeral is usually within 2-3 days and there has been no embalming required. A woman died in my cousin’s locality yesterday and her funeral is tomorrow.

My 17 year old cousin died suddenly with a congenital heart condition, aged 14 I went to the house with my father and was shocked to see my cousin dressed in a suit partly raised in an open coffin. We filed past,my uncle was beside himself with grief, it was deeply upsetting and I was relieved to join the women in another room. Over 60 years later I can still see my cousin in his coffin.

If that's the way things are done where you live, you're used to it and it must seem completely normal. Everyone says goodbye. I some times think death here is very clinical almost, now we have funerals with no one present, that fills me with dread. As if you've never been.

Daddima I seem to remember that the shiva is 7 days (after burial?) but the word I was looking for is actually Shemira which apparently means "guarding" or "watching".

It's the period between death and burial - but looking it up it seems to be arranged by the synagogue (and people may be appointed to do it). It's not like the wake it seems from a (very little) reading.

Bella51

A two day wake before the burial was always a normal occurrence in Ireland for both religions. The open coffin was in the home.
Nowadays it's changed, a funeral parlour is used, a time is set for paying respects, and the coffin is shut. Cremations are bring used more.

MrJ’s family in N Ireland and Donegal still have the wake, with open coffin, in the house.

I've been to a funeral with an open casket in the living room.

I didn't enjoy it at all because I knew the husband had been violent to her when she was alive.

The sight of him fauning over her body, kissing her, felt obscene.

Thx BlueBelle.

MissAdventure that is tough..


I hope he can see what he has lost.

I have no experience of a viewing before a funeral but I recently read that a wake was so named from incidents where the deceased had woken up inside the closed coffin...not dead but sleeping deeply! We're talking many, many years ago when people knew less about the body and it's processes and doctors were few and without the medical knowledge of recent times. And of course odd things do happen.

It happened rarely but it did happen and has been documented as happening in recent times. [Very rarely]. The proof was when coffins had been opened because people were around to hear noise and also opened coffins had scratches where the unfortunate 'deceased' had tried to emerge, without success.

Therefore the deceased should have someone watching over them before burial to ensure it didn't happen. Of course if the coffin had no lid on it it couldn't happen. Hence the 'wake' or vigil to ensure the person wasn't being buried before their time!

It could be a myth but it was in a book to explain where old sayings originated.

NotSpaghetti

MissAdventure that is tough..


I hope he can see what he has lost.

It was years ago now, and she was my mum's friend, so my "aunty", as adults were called in those days.

Just was a shame, her doing machining and repairs to keep them afloat, whilst he drank away every penny, and was a violent, nasty drunk.

She had been in hospital, and said she was going to throw him out when she was well, but she never did get well enough.

I'd forgotten about it, until now.

He threw all her possessions out in the garden and went back
to Ireland as soon as the funeral was done with.

So, R,I.P aunty Joan.

Does anybody else remember the expression 'funeral baked meats'? I think it was more CofE and I last heard it in the 1970s.

Oh I've never heard that one.
Do you know it's meaning?1

It's a quite from Hamlet by Shakespeare.

Sigh. Quote.

Ah, that'll be why I've not come across it before.

Google tells me it means meat pies.
They weren't eaten at the marriage, so were served cold at the funeral.