Missing someone

Primrose hope your husband is making a good progress..Once a mom always a mom. I know my mom never stopped worrying about me until the dementia made her forget who I was. She was 90 when she died in 2017. My dad was 80 he died 3 years after my husband in 2007. He always blamed himself for my disability because he had Dengue fever in the army fighting in Burma as it was then . But always told him it was just me I was weird. My brother isn't disabled. But he still believed it 2 days before he died even though I told him it wasn't.

Had my diagnosis 2022 aged 63 . It's rare and both my parents had to be carriers and had a 50/50 chance of having it. But if I had known what it was when they where alive I would never tell them it is hereditary. I loved my parents very much . We weren't brought up with money but mom and dad brought their own house and we had a week's holiday every year in a caravan. Plenty of picnics and fruit picking fun times. But we where rich in the love and attention they lavished on my brother and me.

Parents and grandparents are important pity some of our children forget that especially those that where brought up with nothing but endless love and attention. But that's a different kind of grief and living one.

Primrose the memory ted you had made sounds lovely. And hope you are cuddling and feeling your mom with you .

Oh, and Happy Christmas, if that doesn't sound crass.

So cautiously, then, some small improvements.
I have heard from someone who had quite a catastrophic stroke, that it is absolutely exhausting just to "be": afterwords.

Hopefully the next few weeks he'll have more input, feel a little less tired, and the improvements will carry on.

The lady I mentioned was able to do most things, once she recovered, and she worked a way around those she couldn't.
She was an incredibly determined person, and taught herself to use her "good" hand, instead of her pre stroke one.
She could knit, crochet and do cross stitch.

More importantly, she could use a knife and fork, and take care of her personal needs, as well as cooking and gardening.

I hope your man is on the up and up, slowly and surely.

MissAdventure

Is your husband still improving, little by little, *Primrose"?

These things always seem (or are?) worse at this time of year, i think.

I miss my mum, although she couldn't do much practical to help.

MissAdventure
Thanks for asking. His feed tube was removed yesterday so looking forward to seeing him without it tomorrow. He still has to be hoisted from bed to chair and back. Speech varies from day to day and how tired he is.
He is in a stroke rehab unit but physio is still not as much as I expected mainly due to arriving on Friday then no physio all weekend. A good session on Monday then the physio says she was off until Fri.
Happy Christmas 🎄

You're very welcome, any time, all the time, or whenever you feel you need a listening ear.

Thank you MissA

Gymstagran

Sorry, nobody was ignoring you, it just got a bit crowded.

I hope your two grandaughters do have a good Christmas, and that you do, too.
It's awful seeing your grandchildren missing out on their mum's love, I know.
I often see my it on my boys face.
Hopefully their dad will make their day special.

You did it all yourself Whiff
You deserve all of the credit, and then some!

Have a good long rest; you've had a rough time, of late, and we need you fighting fit.

I will be back but very tired now .

RosiesMaw sorry about your sister but dementia and Alzheimer's kills the person long before their body dies. It killed my mom 4 months before her body died. This isn't meant to be cruel but it's what I experienced with my mom . It would have broken your heart if you visited her or was with her everyday. Because she was no longer your sister . My mom didn't know who she was ,where or who I was . She thought I was her mom. My mom became violent but it was out of fear . She would go to sleep and say hello mom or she would attack me because she was frightened.

Remember your sister as she was when you where children and young women . You still have a link to your childhood they are in your memories. And old photos. And your sister is at peace now .

Took me a year to remember my mom as she was before the dementia killed her mind. Should say mom lived with me the last 18 months of her life as I couldn't put her into a home . I knew I could look after her better myself. The weird thing dementia took everything away from my mom but she always knew when she needed the commode and never wet or soiled herself. Those where he biggest fear before she forgot. But a spark must have still been there.

Still catching up. The Adcal-D3 stopped my painkillers working and caused me to have muscle cramps and spasms in right hamstring so painful I cried. And that's not me . Haven't cried because of pain since 1988 and early 90's . But at least my husband held me until the chronic fatigue took over and I slept . Had the chronic fatigue again but at least it blotted out the pain.

Found out to much calcium can cause it to leach out of your bones into your blood stream.

Having a blood test mid January as my sodium levels are low and asked for my calcium levels to be checked also.

Miss A do you remember your thread think it was title something like diary of a benefits claimant . You wrote about your journey and all the obstacles put in your way. That's what keep me fighting to get benefits I had been denied for 35 years until last year.

Cabbie was there helping with her experience of how to fill in forms. And well remember her experience of going with someone to a PIP tribunal. And that took my fear away for when I attended it .

You have helped more than just me ..I know you stopped posting for a while and it was such a relief to see you back. You where missed by all the people who you helped and your down to earth common sense.

Missing my daughter and feeling sad for her two girls who won't be joining the family group, for the first time, this year. Hoping against hope that their father makes some effort for them to enjoy the day.

Is your husband still improving, little by little, *Primrose"?

These things always seem (or are?) worse at this time of year, i think.

I miss my mum, although she couldn't do much practical to help.

Hoping the visit happens, and you can meet up, and make contact with every one of your sister's family.
A new chapter, after the sad ending of the current one, hopefully.

Her family are my only contact with Canada- my sister and BIL and their 3 little children under 5 left Scotland in 1966 to emigrate to Nova Scotia. I very much hope that a visit from my 60+ year old nephew and his wife in 2025 will provide an opportunity to rebuild a relationship with her family- many of whom I have yet to meet.

My Dad died in 2007 and Mum in 2020. I miss them both. They both lived good, long lives. Dad was 86 and Mum almost 97.

Right now I really miss my Mum because my husband has been in hospital for almost 4 weeks and even as old as she was, she would be supporting us. She always had a positive outlook and was great at giving practical help.

I had a Memory Teddy made from her favourite lambswool cardigan and a pretty blouse and I talk to her a lot. ❤️

That must be difficult to take in, that you now have no blood relatives at all, particularly when you've not had the chance to mark her passing, in some way.

Is that the end of your ties with Canada, Maw?

It seems so very final, and sad.

My only (older) sister passed away 4 days ago in Canada. I hadn't seen her for 10 years and since she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, communication no longer made any sense. Until my BIL died (suddenly) 18 months ago I could at least keep in touch through him.
I learn the cremation has been held already so although I "lost" her when her dementia kicked in, I have now lost my very last "blood" relative and the last link with my childhood.
It's hard not to even say goodbye.

Ah, thanks Whiff (not that I remember being particularly helpful)
Obviously not the exact same, but I know my girl's infusions to try and strengthen her bones caused pain - some people had to try a few different ones before finding one they could tolerate.

I wonder if it's something similar to how your body reacted?
Of course, that's on top of your other issues, which you just get on with.

Sometimes though, an extra thing can feel like it's just too much to bear.

Miss A thank you. You yourself have to content with health problems as well as your grief. I think you are like me a coper no matter what life throws at us we get on with things . Still remember your posts on a different forum thread and what you went through and your honesty helped me to keep fighting for my rights . And I won, but it took 35 years but better late than never .

Back to my normal self this morning. Being frightened is not my normal state only the third time in my life I have felt so afraid . Not bad really for my 66 years. I have to accept this new normal pain level and just get on with things . But it's so annoying high dose of calcium and vitamin D can cause me so much pain. I always read the leaflet that come with new tablets but no where did it say it negated pain relief or cause severe muscle cramps/ spasms . Every muscle and bone hurt .

Further research on proper sites not Dr Google found out to much calcium can cause calcium can leach out of your bones into your blood. Also had further results from my blood test I had after I stopped taking them 2 days before and my sodium levels are low and will need testing in January . I will ask for my calcium levels to be checked.

It was the fear of going back to a time I never want to live through again especially without my husband. If it wasn't for him I don't know how I coped but he's love and support never wavered and just faced everything by my side .

Movinghouseplanner do you mean your husband or your granddaughters other grandpa ? I know if it's your husband your grief is overwhelming and you want to be brave for your granddaughter. I can only go by what my parents told me when my granddad died as my children where to young when my father in law died but adults when my dad died.

My parents told me grandad had gone to heaven and was no longer in pain and that he was always with me watching me grow up. My brother is only 16 months younger than me at 5 and he worried grandad would watch him on the loo . But mom said no but he would be with him everyday and watch over home during the night . I am 66 now and can't remember if it helped or not.

My own grandsons never knew there granddad as he died in 2004. But I talk about him to them and my daughters eldest who will be 7 next month asks about him, his brother is 4 and only understand grandad as he's dad's dad . No idea if my son has told his 3 boys about his dad unfortunately he decided to estrange me 4 years ago via email and follow up letter. No idea what I ever did nor ever will.

Your granddaughter will forget what it was like to be with her grandad as she ages. But for now all you can do is tell her how much he loved her and hold her when she cries and talk about him . And hope she has photos of them together she can look at and remember funny things he did but she my feel it's wrong to laugh but reassure her , her grandad loved to hear her laugh and the fun they had together .

My oldest niece was 9 when my husband died but doesn't remember much about him now she's older. But my nephew remembers little things as he was 13 but their sister was 1 so only knows what she was told .

Hope you come back when you feel up to it and let us know how you are both doing . A death near Christmas always feels harder as there is so much hype about a perfect family Christmas and no such thing as perfect . Plus things are harder to get sorted out as lot of things are closing down for the holiday . 💐

My grandaughter, who is 6 ,has lost her grandpa yesterday.
Desperate to comfort her but don't know how

Oh Whiff, I wish I could tell you why you're crying today, and make it better somehow.

Could it just be that past years have just gone by, Christmas as something to be got through, and this year, things are more in focus for you?

Perhaps this particular year is difficult, seeing others with their person, and again, realising ours won't be back?

I'm just waffling, Whiff, with no idea at all.

I feel almost in shock this year, unable to believe I STILL struggle to accept things.

The same as you, I usually like to just get on with things, but... no, not this Christmas - I can't.

Miss A the funeral makes it all real . Until then you hold hope it's a nightmare and you will wake up. Even seeing my husband die I still hoped.

Being in this much pain has frightened me more because my husband isn't here. Even though my pain levels are down they aren't as they where. Still having to take extra painkillers of a lunch time . Today I admitted to my daughter how frightened I was . Now I wish I hadn't I shouldn't have put that on her but she was great as she was frightened as well. She remembers how it was before I had my diagnosis and finally help with my symptoms.
And now I am just crying . But don't really understand why. I just want my husband to hold me and make me feel better.

Normally I am very good at self analysis but feel lost today. I know I will be ok tomorrow but today everything just feels to much. I hate self pity it's not me . So confused it is my pre Christmas sadness or because of the pain I just don't know . And I hate not knowing .

I think the funeral day is one of the hardest to deal with.
It was for me, at least.