Missing someone

Easter like most holidays while it can be a happy time with loved ones it's a reminder of those who are no longer with us.

My husband's always loved black magic Easter egg which used to be filled with chocolates no idea if they still make them . His last one was Easter 2003. I haven't brought Easter eggs since he died . The children decided they where to old at 20 and 16. So just gave them money . Never brought my grandsons any as their parents limit the amount of chocolate they have . But as my daughter and grandsons will be coming this morning will make some biscuits and even though it hurts to roll out will make them using Easter shapes .

I hope you all can have a smile at Easters gone by with your loved ones who sadly are no longer here . 🐇🐥🌹

ixion thank you for the bump up.

Fidelity2 your son is right . Your husband is always with you in your heart and mind . I am an atheist what always gives me comfort is my husband lives on in our children and grandsons DNA. I know that sounds weird but we all have to take comfort where we can find it to get through each day without the other half of ourselves. Know your husband lives on in your son and any other children you may have and any grandchildren.

Glad you had 60 years with your husband which makes it harder without him . But I am sure he wouldn't want you to give up living your life to the full. I often think how would my husband do a thing . I mean simple thing like opening a tin or repairing something out of my field . I know he would go mad if he saw what I used his prized chisels for. But he would be pleased that I worked out they could help me . I used one for getting out an old rose bush during covid lockdown . I lacked the strength to dig the root out after I cut it down . So with the largest chisel and a hammer cut through the root took me 3 days but I did it . I know that's a silly example but it gave me a sense of achievement.

When my health got worse in 1988 didn't phase my husband he just said we will alter our life to suit you and be a normal family. He adapted the house to make life easier for me and devised ways for me to do things by myself. I still look at things and think right what can I used to do that.

Been having problems lifting my kettle for a while when full plus it had started to leak . I heard my husband say use a jug to fill and empty it. So I have been . But talking to my brother on Wednesday told me about a kettle and stand a friend of his has . He sent me the picture of it on the eBay page. So ordered one . It came yesterday and it's brilliant and so easy to use . Still fill it with a jug and any water needed to go into a saucepan still use a jug to fill it . But it's so easy to use no lifting just tip using the easy to use handle . Because the kettle and stand are make to fit together no fear of it slipping . Wish the paperclip was back so I could post a picture of it.

I heard my husband saying why didn't you get on earlier. Plus my stick blender the blade fell out . It was only a Cook works one so brought a Bosch one and it's great as the way the handle is designed it's easier for me to use as my hands tremble all the time .

I have talked out loud to my husband every day since he died 21 years ago. I have shouted and swore at him blamed him for things that have happened in my life saying this would never have happened if you hadn't died . Even blamed him for dieing but then I see him with that stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better now and I do .

Grief is the heavy price for love but I think of it this way we are the lucky ones to have found the other half of ourselves and to be so loved and love in return . Some people can live their whole lives and never have that .

In my experience grief gets worse as the years go by but love never dies . The love we shared gets me through everyday and no matter what life throws at me I know I can face it because my husband is always with me and will be until my dieing day. Which I have no intention for doing yet . We had 29 years as a couple married 22 years. I always thought I would die first as I was born disabled but it was my fit healthy husband who got cancer and died aged 47. He was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him . And that was a series of promises and I have kept everyone. The main one was life the best life you can and I do.

It's what we all must do even though it's hard and I have had my moments when the bone crushing grief overwhelms me but I have never felt I want to died . Because I am living my life for us both. And my daughter has told me I can't die for 20 years as I have to see my grandsons grow up.
I am lucky to have my daughter and her family who love and care about me .

Unfortunately our son decided in 2020 I am no longer his mom his choice I never saw it coming. So I have 3 grandson's and the youngest I have never seen or even know his name .

But because of my husband I have gotten through the hurt and decided in 2023 that I would give up hope of ever seeing my son and grandsons ever again . And been happier for making that decision. Seeing my husband made me realise it was the right decision for me . I haven't closed the door on my son it's up to him if he changes his mind . Unfortunately I will never know why . Well have an idea why my daughter in law got jealous because their 2 eldest loved coming to see me .

But I know if my husband had been alive it would never have happened as he would have been round like a shot after the email. He was my knight in shining armour bit tarnished at times but we where eachothers love of our lives. So lucky to have him . I am now 66 he would have been 67. But I face everyday with joy because of him . Love never dies .

When my Husband of 60 years died, I told my Son that I did not want to live without his Dad by my side. He said, Mom, he is in your head, and in your heart...He is always with you.

Bumping this to a more prominent position, as it seemed to be so appreciated by those with sadnesses.
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It's 21 years today since the love of my life died at 1.27pm. That's the time he took his last breath and he's suffering ended . I told him to stop struggling we would be ok and he died few minutes later. But there has never been an okay since . Just learnt to live with half of me missing and the pain of the grief only gets worse as the years go by. He has missed so much . He was looking forward to being a grandad one day he would be in his element as we have 5 grandsons. Even though I only see 2 and never since one don't even know his name or date of birth. But had quality time with his brother's until they where taken away and for what I will never understand. But I know my darling husband would never have put up with what I did and he would never have stood for what our son and daughter in law have done.

The needing him has gotten worse and feel empty today I just want him to hold me . My recent stay in hospital reinforced my need for him and wanting his love . Took me until this week to feel better back to my old self . The 2nd he would have been 68,3rd was anniversary of our first date 50 years ago . I was upset on what would have been his birthday on the morning but had friends visit on the afternoon they never knew him . I moved over 100 miles in 2019 to live here. To be near our children it's what they both had wanted for years. But I couldn't move until my parents and mother in law died as I looked after them after my husband died.

I remember years ago asking my son when does grief end he said 20 years. But there is no end but them I don't want it to because if it did it would mean I had forgotten my darling man and the rage and anger I feel gets me through everyday without him . He was fit and healthy and got cancer and died . I was born disabled and still here . But I live my life for us both. Moving here gave me life again as after he died our home was just a house as he was my home I no longer live just existed. But moving has given me a life again and because of him live it to the full.

I still talk to him out loud everyday and still rant and rave at him for dieing when things go wrong or I can't do something but the I see him with his stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better and I do. He lives on in my mind and heart and in our children's and grandsons DNA . I am an atheist so I don't believe in an afterlife I will never see my love again ..He is forever 47 I am now 66. He would be amazed at things I do but he was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him and that was a series of promises and I have kept everyone but I couldn't live the best life I can until I moved here . My bungalow is home and my life is full. But it's the loved we shared and being eachothers other half that's keeps me going. Even though I am only half a person but I am very lucky to have found him when young and being loved and loved in return. Finding the other half of yourself and being so loved and the only people who knew the real you and loving and knowing the real them . Bone crushing grief is the heavy price we pay for such love but I gladly pay it as my life would have been empty without my love . We had 29 years and married 22 together . But I am still married to him and always will be he was and still is my everything .

I cannot play video's of my husband who died 20 years ago. I did try once about 10 years ago and I was in floods of tears and switched it off, it took me ages to stop being really upset. I think about him every day lightly and there will never be anyone like him for me. Did love my first husband but my second was the love of my life and sole mate and when he died part of me did too. That must sounds weird because I am happy, don’t mope around and generally enjoy life as long I don't dwell.

Coops and Miss A I can never imagine the pain you live with daily . The grief you are going through no parent should ever go through but unfortunately children do die before their parents . In a just world that should never happen. But the strength you both show by posting about your child will help others facing the same thing. It takes courage to talk about something so painful I am sure you scream it's not fair at times. Even if others can't post by reading you courageous words with help them. Then they know they are not alone and everything you write about it's how they feel to . The ups and downs and everything in-between.

Oh, I can't imagine the pain.
I still haven't ever looked through my photos since my girl died; I kind of dread one catching me unawares.

I've got a couple of tiny snapshots of her in my living room, but that's it.

My daughter died aged 2.1/2 yrs from Leukaemia and we do have a recording of her.It’s only these last few years I can play it without being tearful.Our lives changed that day.We were very protective with our other daughters which wasn’t a good thing but I had to know they were safe.x

Elveral the other half of you dieing is awful. I second you are a couple next classed as single . I felt I lost me. Half me died and haven't been whole since. Making a new present and future is hard. But because I had people dependant on me I lost me and just became a care giver. Looking back I didn't grief properly at the time . I had no time for me .

But the grief for a child is a pain that must be unbearable. And thanks to parents here opening their hearts they help others in the same position.

I just want my husband to whisk me home and look after me . My daughter has been brilliant and my son in law. His parents who are lovely people have looked after our grandsons when needed. I am lucky I get on well with them.

Once this pain under control means I can do things and go home. But at the moment can't move and coughing is murder with it. Funny enough where they did the angiogram yesterday doesn't hurt today just sore. Anyway no idea if this makes sense as very tired again .

Dear Whiff, so sorry to read this. I’m thinking of you. Hope you get some rest in hospital.

I am really missing my husband today. Nothings ever the same is it. X

Coops I have spoken to my husband everyday since he died in 2004. I long to hear his voice but we have nothing with his voice on. So I understand not hearing your loved one . I know how he would phrase things and when I have a rant at him about anything I see him with that stupid grin on his face . Funny enough after my grandsons have decorated the Christmas tree I always see him standing by it.

At the moment I need my husband more than ever as I had a heart attack on Monday morning . Thankfully I didn't have chest or arm pain . All I had was a headache and left side of my neck hurt. I knew I had an UTI when my daughter took me to hospital and got there at 5am. But it was a shock to know I had a heart attack . Luckily an anomaly showed on my second ECG so had cardiac enzyme blood test which showed heart muscle damage . Long story short waiting to be transferred to another hospital for angiogram and stent or stents fitted.

Need my husband more than ever . But I am being well looked after . Apparently women tend to have different symptoms to men . All I had was a headache and left side of my neck hurt. No chest or arm pain was breathless but as I was diagnosed with PAF in 2020/2021 that was normal.

So please never dismiss odd symptoms as nothing . Just thought it was the UTI.

I remember you posting about your sister, Coops.

It must be like losing part of your life, too, those things you shared, growing up.
It's all so difficult - I wish I had taken a video, or had some sort of voice clip of my girl, but then I wonder if I would find it too hard to listen to.

I didn't know you had a little girl who died, too, and I'm sorry to hear that.

Nothing makes it easier, really, does it?

I miss all my loved ones especially my little girl who died 44 years ago seems like yesterday.Loved and missed always.My amazing sister died 6 weeks ago and I’m really missing her we spoke daily.I now speak to her picture but sometimes I just want to hear her voice.💔💔

I'll drink to that.

Thank you MissAdventure and the same to you too.
I’ve mixed feelings about leaving last year behind. It was an awful year but at least I had DH with me for a few months.
Wishing the best to all for 2025. 💕

I just came on to wish us all some contentment this year, if happiness is too much of a stretch at times.

Hoping for some lighter moments, a laugh (or two!) and some peace of mind for everyone.

On that note, Happy New Year.

Hand trembled and pushed post. 🤦

I have been a planner all my life and get very annoyed if I can't do what I want . Just remembered got a blood test on the 10th. Plus waiting for appointments to see my cardiologist, physio and occupational therapy.

No doubt will think of other things in the coming month .

Look after yourselves and make your self a new present and future not easier but know your loved ones will be proud of you . And take pride in yourself and put yourself first you all need some me time . It's not selfish but a way to cope with your grief.

Take care to all here and hope people who need this thread find their way here . 💐

May seem odd wishing you all a happy new year especially when you are coping with your grief . Grief I found never gets easier but you do learn to cope in your own way .

I hope the coming year you will beable to cope better than you did last year . And you can find joy in the memories of your loved ones and find a way to do things your way . My way of coping I set myself goals already got plans in place for this year . Some the same as last year still trying to lose more weight ,sit fit class starts again on Monday and Craft group starts on 15th. Am going to a classical concert on 3rd February which ironically will be the 50th anniversary of my first date with my husband when I was 16. Booked my May holiday to Llandudno in October. Just have to start looking for cheaper rain tickets 12 weeks before I go plus have my rail card which gives me off third of ticket price.

Mean to sort out when I can go and have 5 days with my brother and sister in law. Planning on going to Harrogate in September. Making sure I keep my hair at this length and not keep forgetting to get it cut and it gets long again . I know that's silly but my mobility means it easier to cope with.

BA what your husband say to you . You know he is proud of you and wouldn't want you not to enjoy Christmas day . I know how hard it is you think the first will be the worst and it is in a lot of ways as my husband's last Christmas day we talked about his funeral . But you already know it's hard everyday . But as I have said repeatedly we are the lucky ones we found the other half of ourselves and loved and loved in return . And unfortunately grief is the heavy price we pay for love . But our lives would be the poorer without knowing such love .

If you are spending it with family or friends just think of all the daft things he did and it will make you smile . And raise a glass or cuppa to him . 🎄

My heart goes out to you MissA, this is my first Christmas without my husband and this is a day I have been dreading. God bless you and everyone who is missing a loved one today.

To all on here I hope you can have a good Christmas and remember all the happy Christmas's of the past with your loved ones . Remember then as they where and if anything like my husband the idiotic things he did which still make me smile .

I will be spending the day with my daughter and family.

I will wish you all a good Christmas and hope 2025 is a better year for you all . Grief never dies but love never does and our loved ones are always in our minds and hearts . As an atheist I get comfort in knowing our children and 5 grandson's carry part of his DNA so my husband lives on in them . Raise a glass to your loved ones and wish them a happy Christmas out loud. It helps . 🥂🎄⛄💝 to you all .

Primrose that's a good sign the feeding tube removed . Stroke rehab units are usually well staffed but they do work on a smaller one at Christmas. If you know some of things they where doing with your husband could you do them with him . Even if it just little things movements like lifting a leg or arm ,wiggling his fingers and toes . Sorry not much use whilst I have experience looking after others with various conditions stroke isn't one of them .

I have a friend who had one 10 years ago before I moved here when she got her speech back she spoke with an eastern European accent . She was upset and wanted her Liverpudlian one back so her daughter said sing mom and she got her accent back different to what it was but still Liverpudlian. She has the most beautiful singing voice . She does Tai Chai and this year can stand on one leg.

Hope the Stroke association have been of use to you .

Gymstagran your daughter isn't with you in flesh but always in your heart and mine and you are still and forever be her mom . Sorry you won't see your grandchildren today but hopefully they will have a good time with their dad and remember their mom and the happy times . And hope they contact you today .

RosesMaw hope you get to make your trip too Canada next year and met your relatives you dont know . But share happy memories of your sister and get to see all the places she loved .

Remember today the excitement you both felt finding if like my brother and I one of our dad's socks at the end of our bed with a tangerine and a bar of chocolate in it. Then dashing down the stairs to find the presents under the tree.

Remember all the family traditions you had . And hopefully you will smile at those memories.