Death of 12 day old Grandson

Oh Mandy I’m so sorry to hear your sad news . Your Dd and sil are dealing with their grief in their way . Be there for them if needed .
The SANDS charity can be a great support .
My sister had a stillborn baby boy about 30 years ago . Like your daughter she couldn’t deal with seeing family , even my mother or myself.
I sent her a card saying I was there for her when she was ready . She and her dh had a private funeral for their baby and we all respected their decision.
She contacted SANDS and found them a great help .

I am so deeply sorry for your loss

At this time your daughter is dealing with her grief in the way that is right for her. Please allow yourself this time for your own grief and get the support you need. I know it must be hard and you must be so desperate to see her.

I like the ideas for other ways you can show support. Sending a meal or some soothing pamper products would be a good way to show your love and support

I really feel for you and your family. Just thinking about my own twins who died shortly after birth still makes me want to cry even though I now have a lovely family with grandchildren.
My parents didn't know how to react and it was my friends who supported us and our local vicar. They were so helpful without being pushy.
A little later on I was fortunate in being invited to be part of SANDS and met up with others in this awful position. It helped enormously after feeling so alone and upset when seeing other mums and dads with their babies. When they feel ready they might find it worth contacting SANDS. It's a very helpful organisation.
Your family will never forget their loss but they eventually will appreciate that they are not alone and know you are there to provide support when they're ready.
The pain does ease eventually x

Mandy so very sorry to hear your sad news

Mandy I'm sorry for your loss .

Mandy, I am very sad to read your post and my love and prayers go out to you and your family and especially the saddened, (angry, as you say), grieving mother, your dear daughter. Grief has many layers and she will be going through so many of them. Her poor husband is really going to have a tough time as well. I don't know why such awful things happen or why parents and grandparents must be dealt such tragic happenings but just give her the time she needs and try not to interfere since her grief might cause her to lash out at you, towards you, and maybe the whole world. Her husband's love will help her through. His grief is unimaginable too. I am sorry for your loss. Please be patient with your daughter and do take care of your own grief and give her all of the space and time she needs.

I'm so sorry, I have sadly had experience of this as a grandparent.
Just be there for your daughter when she's ready and follow her lead in how she wants to deal with things.
She may not want to talk about the baby at first.
Allow yourself to grieve in what ever way feels right. I needed time to myself to start with.
Love to you all x

Sadly, yes, paddyann for many reasons.
😥

With all due respect Oreo you don’t know how you,ll be until it happens to you .Mandy just needs to know how her daughter and SIL are dealing with it is normal for them and to give them time and space to come to terms with it,
Nowadays people think babies don’t die,they plan baby showers half way through a pregnancy and buy cots and prams and outfits for months ahead ,it’s very sad but maybe we/they should be aware that many pregnancies don’t go full term even in the 21st century .Every pregnancy has risks sadly we don’t realise that until it happens to us

So sorry Mandy45 tragic situation.💐
I would have wanted Mum to comfort me but we’re all different and have our own ways of dealing with things. Your DD needs space and time to process what’s happened and has a partner to help her.Just let her know that you’re there for her.
If you live local, take some cooked meals around, they still need to eat and won’t feel like cooking.

Mandy you are all going through so much heart break especially your daughter and partner. You have to want until your daughter is ready to talk to you she knows how much you love her and are grieving yourself. Just give them the time and space they need. Others on this thread and missing someone thread have had children died so know what your daughter is going through. And as much as you want to help you can't . The death of a children no matter how long they live or if stillborn or miscarry it's something no parent ever gets over. My mom never got over miscarrying her first baby until dementia made her forget she was 90 when she died and the miscarriage happened when she was 26.

Time doesn't heal but gives you time to come to terms what has happened. Your daughter will let you know what she needs and when. 🌹

This is such a sad time for all of you. I would leave her in her grief, it may not be real to her yet and I would think in time she will be able to accept condolences. It is good her partner is supportive, he will help her. We all grieve differently and I wouldn’t take it personally.She maybe just can’t deal with any people just now.

I am so, so sorry for your whole family. I can only send love to you all

Sarnia

I worked on a Delivery Suite for 17 years and one of my jobs was to work as the Bereavement midwife's assistant making sure all the paperwork was available and up-to-date. I am assuming you are in the UK. If you are there is a brilliant organisation called SANDS (Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society). On discharge your daughter should have been given details about them. There are leaflets for grandparents, other children, work colleagues etc. Of course, reading leaflets is the last thing the parents want to do when faced with the heartbreak of losing their baby but in time and it has to be their time, the day may come when they want to reach out for SANDS and meet others who have experienced the same torment. You could Google them for help for yourself. They are a nationwide organisation and very experienced inn helping bereaved families. I am so sorry for you all.

SANDS has a garden at the National Aboretum in Staffordshire too. Yes, they can be very supportive of parents or any other relatives who feel the need for their help.

I am so very sorry for your loss, Mandy45
Your daughter and son-in-law may seek your help in the coming weeks, it must be so difficult for them and for you too at the present time.

I’m so sorry mandy. There has been good advice here, I’ll just send my love to you all.

I don’t have advice, this must be so very hard for you all xx

Mandy45🌹

I have no advice, just wanted to send my best wishes.

My friend's grandson died in similar circumstances a year ago. His DLL had already lost three babies previously.

Yesterday a different DIL gave birth to a boy,. A truly bittersweet moment.

Life is so cruel.

Such very sad news. Dear little mite.

Thinking of you and your family at this sad time.

My thoughts are with you Mandy45
21 years ago I had a grandson who was born alive at 20 weeks gestation.He fought to live but had to give up after 25 minutes.
The situation was a bit awkward as I was unaware of his existence until his birth and death.
He was still my grandson though.

Beyond heartbreaking. 💐

I worked on a Delivery Suite for 17 years and one of my jobs was to work as the Bereavement midwife's assistant making sure all the paperwork was available and up-to-date. I am assuming you are in the UK. If you are there is a brilliant organisation called SANDS (Stillborn and Neonatal Death Society). On discharge your daughter should have been given details about them. There are leaflets for grandparents, other children, work colleagues etc. Of course, reading leaflets is the last thing the parents want to do when faced with the heartbreak of losing their baby but in time and it has to be their time, the day may come when they want to reach out for SANDS and meet others who have experienced the same torment. You could Google them for help for yourself. They are a nationwide organisation and very experienced inn helping bereaved families. I am so sorry for you all.

This must be unbelievably hard for you Mandy45.

There is no one way to grieve and anger is a recognised and understandable stage in that process. Give them time and space and show your love in practical ways - drop off a meal for them perhaps, but respect their need to be alone right now. I'm so very sorry for you all in your loss

That is so unbelievably sad Mandy. My heart goes out to you and your family 💐