Well Meaning Adverts about Being Alone at Christmas - Please Stop

My ds checked in with an elderly neighbour who had lost his wife that year, to see how he was set for Christmas. (Ds has only lived there two years) He replied that he had Christmas sorted but would ds and family like to come to his house and have a little get together at the weekend, with mince pies and a glass or two of wine, plus plenty of juice and chocolate for the children. So that’s what they did!

They had a lovely afternoon, the chap had had such an interesting life. He was about to put his house on the market in order to move nearer family so it won’t happened again, but it can be a two way thing.

I also agree with what Dickens has said.

My dh is still with me so I, thankfully, haven't experienced being alone on Christmas day yet. Of course, one or the other of us is likely to experience this sooner or later. I obviously can't know how I would feel about being asked as a kind of 'tag on' to someone else's Christmas but I suspect that I would politely decline but be happy to have been asked. I think that I would feel happier knowing I had the option even if I didn't want to go. So all you kind Gransnetter's out there I think the answer is to give an invitation if your 'gut feeling' is o do so ...but don't push it. Ask once then leave it. It may be that although the person you've asked would prefer their own company on what might be a sad day for them, they will feel slightly better knowing that the choice was there.

I think those who are alone this Christmas will be more likely to accept an invitation if it's made clear that their company would actually be enjoyed rather than giving them the impression that they're someone else's good-deed quota.

It is a difficult line between showing care and being pushy. Always best to ask the person concerned what they want and to accept that they may wish to spend Christmas day alone. Everyone is different in their wants and needs. Respect their wishes.

Chocolatelovinggran

I understand BA6, but it's perhaps a gentle reminder to be a good neighbour.
I shall see my daughter's elderly neighbour when I am at their house on Christmas Day.
He's ninety two, and has been in hospital recently.
An invitation was offered, and he declined lunch but said that he'd like to join us in the afternoon for tea and cake/ mince pies / whatever.
Perhaps some people alone might like the choice?

I agree.
I get that it is patronising and a bit of an imposition if you are a healthy older person living alone and prefer your own company on Xmas day. I would feel a bit put out too. But there are probably some older people in poor health living alone or just living alone, who never see a human being to have a chat with over the whole festive season, and they might appreciate somebody coming to the door to ask how they are.
Plenty of grans on here are fiercely independent types with full lives but not all are like this.

I understand BA6, but it's perhaps a gentle reminder to be a good neighbour.
I shall see my daughter's elderly neighbour when I am at their house on Christmas Day.
He's ninety two, and has been in hospital recently.
An invitation was offered, and he declined lunch but said that he'd like to join us in the afternoon for tea and cake/ mince pies / whatever.
Perhaps some people alone might like the choice?

I hate those adverts as well. My husband died in 2004 aged 47 on a Friday and it seemed every advert was about cancer that weekend . It was a little girl walking and about how people survived. It seemed to be mocking me . Ridiculous I know . 😢

Absolutely right, BA. Just have the kind of day which suits you best.
But these ads are well meant, I think. And some lonely people would welcome a visit.

I get where you're coming from, BA. Absolutely. I hope you have a comfortable day doing your own thing.

I can see your point of view. I suppose the difficulty is knowing who would welcome the contact and who wouldn't.

I hope you have the sort of day you want and fish fingers sounds great, I'm fed up of making Christmas dinner so would opt for that if I was by myself.

Yes I know exactly how you feel. The Christmas after my husband died in the October, my 17 year old daughter was at home so we made a bit of an effort
However the Christmas after my dad died 5 years later I'd had enough of putting a brave face on and sitting with other people on Christmas day pretending to be enjoying myself.
So I decided to spend Christmas alone. I can honestly say it's one of the best Christmas days ever. No expectations, just got up, spoke to my adult children on the phone, opened a few presents, walked the dog, had a vegetarian dinner with wine and lots of cheese. Cried when I wanted to. Watched rubbish on TV . Went to bed
My advice to any widow is "be kind to YOURSELF ".
If anyone comes knocking on the door just don't answer
Thinking of you xx