Well Meaning Adverts about Being Alone at Christmas - Please Stop

Yes I know exactly how you feel. The Christmas after my husband died in the October, my 17 year old daughter was at home so we made a bit of an effort
However the Christmas after my dad died 5 years later I'd had enough of putting a brave face on and sitting with other people on Christmas day pretending to be enjoying myself.
So I decided to spend Christmas alone. I can honestly say it's one of the best Christmas days ever. No expectations, just got up, spoke to my adult children on the phone, opened a few presents, walked the dog, had a vegetarian dinner with wine and lots of cheese. Cried when I wanted to. Watched rubbish on TV . Went to bed
My advice to any widow is "be kind to YOURSELF ".
If anyone comes knocking on the door just don't answer
Thinking of you xx

I can see your point of view. I suppose the difficulty is knowing who would welcome the contact and who wouldn't.

I hope you have the sort of day you want and fish fingers sounds great, I'm fed up of making Christmas dinner so would opt for that if I was by myself.

I get where you're coming from, BA. Absolutely. I hope you have a comfortable day doing your own thing.

Absolutely right, BA. Just have the kind of day which suits you best.
But these ads are well meant, I think. And some lonely people would welcome a visit.

I hate those adverts as well. My husband died in 2004 aged 47 on a Friday and it seemed every advert was about cancer that weekend . It was a little girl walking and about how people survived. It seemed to be mocking me . Ridiculous I know . 😢

I understand BA6, but it's perhaps a gentle reminder to be a good neighbour.
I shall see my daughter's elderly neighbour when I am at their house on Christmas Day.
He's ninety two, and has been in hospital recently.
An invitation was offered, and he declined lunch but said that he'd like to join us in the afternoon for tea and cake/ mince pies / whatever.
Perhaps some people alone might like the choice?

Chocolatelovinggran

I understand BA6, but it's perhaps a gentle reminder to be a good neighbour.
I shall see my daughter's elderly neighbour when I am at their house on Christmas Day.
He's ninety two, and has been in hospital recently.
An invitation was offered, and he declined lunch but said that he'd like to join us in the afternoon for tea and cake/ mince pies / whatever.
Perhaps some people alone might like the choice?

I agree.
I get that it is patronising and a bit of an imposition if you are a healthy older person living alone and prefer your own company on Xmas day. I would feel a bit put out too. But there are probably some older people in poor health living alone or just living alone, who never see a human being to have a chat with over the whole festive season, and they might appreciate somebody coming to the door to ask how they are.
Plenty of grans on here are fiercely independent types with full lives but not all are like this.

It is a difficult line between showing care and being pushy. Always best to ask the person concerned what they want and to accept that they may wish to spend Christmas day alone. Everyone is different in their wants and needs. Respect their wishes.

I think those who are alone this Christmas will be more likely to accept an invitation if it's made clear that their company would actually be enjoyed rather than giving them the impression that they're someone else's good-deed quota.

My dh is still with me so I, thankfully, haven't experienced being alone on Christmas day yet. Of course, one or the other of us is likely to experience this sooner or later. I obviously can't know how I would feel about being asked as a kind of 'tag on' to someone else's Christmas but I suspect that I would politely decline but be happy to have been asked. I think that I would feel happier knowing I had the option even if I didn't want to go. So all you kind Gransnetter's out there I think the answer is to give an invitation if your 'gut feeling' is o do so ...but don't push it. Ask once then leave it. It may be that although the person you've asked would prefer their own company on what might be a sad day for them, they will feel slightly better knowing that the choice was there.

I also agree with what Dickens has said.

My ds checked in with an elderly neighbour who had lost his wife that year, to see how he was set for Christmas. (Ds has only lived there two years) He replied that he had Christmas sorted but would ds and family like to come to his house and have a little get together at the weekend, with mince pies and a glass or two of wine, plus plenty of juice and chocolate for the children. So that’s what they did!

They had a lovely afternoon, the chap had had such an interesting life. He was about to put his house on the market in order to move nearer family so it won’t happened again, but it can be a two way thing.

I sympathise BA69. I hope you can have the Christmas you described. It is difficult and yes, the repeated adverts reminding you of your position must be hurtful.

My Mum would have been happy to see anyone after she lost my Dad, but my FIL felt the same as you. He didn’t want strangers popping in to ask if he was OK.

Adverts, and life, don't take into account individuals sensitivities, I'm afraid.

It's one of the worst feelings, to realise that life goes on elsewhere, and that everyone's different

I do not think those adverts/articles are specifically targetted at recent widows, but at people, of all ages who live alone, have done for years and are lonely. Perhaps the circumstances of their lives or their personalities mean that they are not good at socialising, and would welcome a knowck on the door, well in advance of Christmas, offering them a hand of friendship and an offer of company or a meal on a plate on Christmas day.

What Monica said.

This week is the one year anniversary of my husbands death. As I am disabled I am not welcome to my daughter’s home due to garden steps, My eldest son lives 70 miles away and we have never been invited for Christmas or any other occasion. I have been estranged from my youngest son for three years now so I shall be on my own on Christmas Day as I was last year.

My daughter is bringing me a Christmas dinner which she has insisted on doing but personally I don’t care. I can sit in my nightie, not bother even having a shower if I don’t feel like it.

I can watch rubbish on TV eat chocolates and drink wine and wallow in memories of 66 years of a man who loved me and who I miss dreadfully.

Please don’t think I’m miserable, I’m not but I wish all these visitors who have descended this last couple of weeks had spread out a little over the year, that would have been nice for me as life does get lonely sometimes.

I was widowed two years ago. DD lives locally, DS1 lives in India atm and DS2 died two years ago, just before his dad.
I have never been a great fan of Christmas “jollity” but hate to distress my remaining family.
DD is very keen on my joining her and her in-laws en masse for the day. As it would hurt her dreadfully if I refused, I go, but find the day hard and would quite honestly rather be on my own.

I understand what you mean. There is an assumption that alone means lonely. Besides, if you are missing a specific person, no-one can replace him/her.
For those who truly don't wish to be alone at Christmas, there is still plenty going on. Volunteering to help with a charity can be very rewarding and, because it's Christmas, there is sure to be a merry get-together.

Absolutely. Being with the in-law family, I feel far, far lonelier than if I were alone.

If you think you may get a well meaning but unwelcome visit, maybe you could prepare a gentle speech along the lines of really appreciating the visit, but actually on this particular day, you actually WANT the quiet and solitude, so you can reflect. Another day, a visit would be lovely etc etc

It's not just you OP

We live in a cul-de-sac of 14 houses. On Christmas morning all our neighbours are invited to meet up, on the street, and bring whatever they are drinking to say 'Merry Christmas'. We have, singles, married couples and families and sing a carol or two. It's a lovely neighbourly time.

What a wonderful idea Wiganwave. Enjoy your carols.