Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

Often if it's from relatives already passed it a superstition that the recently deceased will be better able to find the loved ones that have passed earlier if they are buried with something belonging to them.

I cut a lock of my husbands hair while he was alive for me to keep. I put a lock of my hair and a picture of me that he loved in the coffin.

I put the ashes of two of our cats in my husband's coffin. We had talked about it before he died. We didn't put anything in my father in law's coffin but when his ashes were interred we added a crucifix we had brought back from the Vatican for him.

BlueBelle

I haven’t done it but I see nothing wrong at all if it gives the survivor comfort so personally I think your original post is a bit miserable chocolatepudding

But it was her baby in that coffin and her MIL insisted. I think she has a right to be upset.
As to asking why people do this, that seems like a reasonable question without it being miserable!

My friend's husband liked his whisky and had some every single day, she put a quarter bottle of whisky inside the coffin but was then petrified they would hear it rattling around in there. Apparently they did not.

This has been a very interesting thread for me. I have never considered how many people feel about death and their loved ones.
I am having a direct cremation (all booked). No one can visit me at the funeral home or put anything in the coffin.
Next of kin will be informed of the cremation day but cannot attend.
I would rather they kept any of my possessions they treasure(if any)

It made me feel better to make my Mum 'comfortable' in her coffin. She was dressed in soft pyjamas, with fluffy socks and slippers on her feet. We put a teddy bear in the coffin, too; when she had Alzheimers, carrying a teddy around comforted her.

We put our baby son’s favourite toy in his coffin, and when my husband died we put a little token that said ‘Grandpa’ in his pocket as our little granddaughter was just 9 months old then. The need to leave something personal for the dead to take with them spans time and cultures.

When my husband died I placed photos of us, our sons and our four dogs, some dog treats (for our two dogs who had already died), his reading glasses, a bunch of snowdrops picked from our garden and a letter I wrote to him that day in his coffin. The undertaker also placed the caskets containing the ashes of our two dogs in beside him. When my dad died two years later I placed photos, reading glasses, the Sporting Press, a pen and Glasgow Rangers scarf (my Dad had told me he wanted buried with this scarf) and dog biscuits. My Mum and brother were also buried with photos, dog treats and flowers from our garden. It gave me a great deal of comfort that I could do that final thing for them and my son knows that the ashes of my two other dogs are to be buried with me when I go.

Photographs, rosary beads, carefully tied locks of hair.
And why not? It's the last time you see them - and Mum was determined never to be cremated. I'm not sure Dad was bothered but as Mum wanted to be buried Dad wanted the same.

When my Grandma died Mum insisted she kept her wedding ring but I've inherited her engagement ring which I wear daily

I don't really know why I did it but I did. My husband died of Covid-19 on 1st February 2021. We weren't allowed an open casket or to have him dressed due to the restrictions. We were allowed to put some things in the casket for cremation so I chose his favourite padded jacket, his old ten pin bowling shirt and a toy straw stuffer lamb he had kept since he was a baby. I felt comforted by that. It may be silly but I did.

Peaches7

My husband passed away last month from dementia,he loved the crochet blanket I made him,and use to cuddle it,when he passed I asked if it could go with him,it brings me comfort to know he had his blanket with him,as every stitch was made with love

Exactly Peaches7. Did you see my earlier post about my Mum being buried wrapped in her crochet blanket. You are so right about every stitch being made with love. My Dad died 14 years before my Mum and she and I crocheted our way through our grief by making squares in autumn colours into a large throw which is still in my summerhouse and I think of him and Mum every time I go in there.

I just remembered I put in her rosary beads too.

peaches7

My husband passed away last month from dementia,he loved the crochet blanket I made him,and use to cuddle it,when he passed I asked if it could go with him,it brings me comfort to know he had his blanket with him,as every stitch was made with love

The point is, the mother-in-law should have asked.

As others have said 'because we want to' my 2 stepdaughters and 2 daughters all put letters into their dad's coffin, my youngest daughter also put in her wedding photo, she was married a month before he died and had never seen the photos.

I have requested that my rather threadbare teddy comes with me as I've had him all my life and I'd rather he was cremated with me than dumped in a skip with other possessions of mine when I've gone

My cousin died a few years ago. She had dementia. She loved watching In the Night Garden and had an Upsy Daisy doll with her. It was decided that it would go in her coffin. Next day, her husband remembered that she had a voice and he took out her batteries (the doll's, not my cousin's!) He feared that in a quiet moment a high pitched "Upsy Daisy" would be heard from inside the coffin. My cousin would have seen the funny side.

When a dear friend of ours died his wife put a pair of her best knickers in the top pocket of his very beautiful Prada suit. Just made me smile as it would have done him.. he’s still greatly missed.

I like it. we put things in with my parents, my sister put stuff in with her husband, my husband and myself will have stuff with us.It's comforting .

My mother had 8 children and many grandchildren. Was natural to put photos of them all with her and other bits. Her rosary beads and ring. Nice to do it.

sankev

My DF died 3 months after my 2year old son 30 years ago. I put a packet of chocolate buttons in his pocket to share! I think it sometimes gives comfort and hope that they really will be reunited when doubts creep in and you start questioning your faith wondering why life is so cruel. And I have tears running down my cheeks whilst I am writing this even after all this time. Do whatever gives you comfort

sankev that made me feel tearful too, nothing worse than losing a child.💐

25Avalon

My biggest “regret” is that both my mum and dad were buried in shrouds one pink and one blue. I didn’t find out about this until sometime afterwards as my brother living near to them made the arrangements. I know they would have wanted to be dressed in their best clothes.

My son wore his favourite clothes and I put the soft toy in that had been with him and was his comfort when he was in hospital. He was 18 when he died and I didn’t know what to do with his loved prize possessions that I could only give to someone who would love them as he did. For the first time I could see the benefit of a funeral pyre.

Shrouds are called silk gowns now and come in white, pink or blue, I like the thought of this better than being dressed up for cremation as it feels more natural somehow.

That’s very sad about your son, think of cremation as exactly like a funeral pyre.💐

Oh,chocolatepudding how awful that must have been for you! Maybe MiL was trying to make amends for her terrible behaviour? But you know best whether that was likely.

When my older sister died in 2022, I had her cremated in a smart nightie we had bought her (she had been in a nursing home for over seven years), a bedjacket I had crocheted for her and a pair of warm slippers. I asked the funeral directors to put her phush bunny in with her too and I assume everything went into the flames.

It comforterd me. That's why.