Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

I did it to express my need to stay with her and not leave her all alone.

We do it, because we want to.

Can remember my mum saying that Grandma’s wedding ring was to remain on her finger when she was buried, in the 1950’s.

An aunt said “The undertakers will have it”.

But Mum had her way.

No idea if it remained in her coffin or not.

I placed a picture of my son with my father...they adored each other and as my father carried his photograph in life I wanted him to take it with him as we said goodbye.

When my nephew died (age 16) his parents put a few things in with him. Because, as Georgesgran says they wanted to.

My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin.

murraymints65

My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin.

This has happened ever since we started to ceremonise (is that a word?) death. Most archeological digs of the human remains is dug up accompanied by stuff, be it weapons, jewels, stuff needed in the next life, c boats or favourite pets etc. etc.

People do these things for their own reasons, it is a final gesture they do for the one they love.

Everyone deals with death differently. It's not something I've done, but if it brings someone even a small measure of comfort, then surely it's a good thing?

When my MIL died, we found that she had pressed and kept some roses from her wedding bouquet. I took them and put them in her coffin - along with the last Valentine card that FIL had sent her just before he died, which we found in the drawer of her bedside table; she'd obviously kissed it often, and so adding the card and her wedding flowers seemed appropriate...❤️

My ex mother in law died 2 years ago in a care home. She always wore her wedding ring. It was on her finger when she died. She wanted my daughter to have it. So the family asked for it the next day. Both the home and the undertakers denied that they had it. So someone obviously thought it was ok to steal jewellery from her body. I’ve heard similar stories. My advice is to never put anything of value into a coffin because there’s a chance it won’t stay in there.

My grandfather died in WW1 and my father was his only child and he supported British Legion each year. My father died in November and I put a poppy with him when he was taken away. The undertaker spoke to me afterwards and said she had placed in his hands.

I had given my DMiL fingerless gloves a few months before she died. She never took them off apart from when they were prised off for washing. We buried her in them.

I sometimes wish my DH had been buried and not cremated. I think it must be normal to have regrets.
The real regret is that they died.

Gillycats

My ex mother in law died 2 years ago in a care home. She always wore her wedding ring. It was on her finger when she died. She wanted my daughter to have it. So the family asked for it the next day. Both the home and the undertakers denied that they had it. So someone obviously thought it was ok to steal jewellery from her body. I’ve heard similar stories. My advice is to never put anything of value into a coffin because there’s a chance it won’t stay in there.

There’s more than a chance! Any jewellery will be taken before burial or cremation.
Other objects will stay in the coffin as not valuable.
I think if it brings any comfort to the bereaved then it’s all good to leave photos, books, toys with the deceased.

Georgesgran

We do it, because we want to.

Exactly.
I put Paw’s glasses in his coffin along with a Catholic missal/prayer book. And his warm felt slippers to wear along with the suit he last wore as Father of the Bride, a good shirt and his graduate tie.
If anybody wants to send round the little men in white coats to take me away - they’re welcome.
Oh and I dressed our 1 month old baby son in what would have been his christening robe and put in a tiny teddy. (Or rather got the nurses to do this as I was in no state to)
There’s no questioning what brings a sliver of comfort vat such times.
Georgesgran and all the others

“At” not “vat”

I haven’t done it but I see nothing wrong at all if it gives the survivor comfort so personally I think your original post is a bit miserable chocolatepudding

Our two very elderly dogs died just before my husband's death and my daughters insisted their two collars went into the coffin with their father as he was devoted to his dogs and they to him.

My husband always carried a photo of me when I was 18 in his wallet . So I had it put in to his top pocket of his shirt as he had carried it for 27 years and he took it to the fire with him. I will have a picture I have always carried with me in my purse in the coffin with me and be burnt together.

My parents didn't want anything with them . My best friend had her husband's football scarf put into his coffin he was buried and one was in the wreath.

When the funeral directors came they asked any jewellery ,false teeth or limbs to be removed before they took the bodies.

I think your real upset is that your baby died, chocpud. Of course it is. But perhaps you are projecting some of the anger/upset onto your mil's action as a way of dealing with the grief.

From your post I'd gently suggest this hasn't helped. ❤️

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.

Ilovecheese

chocolatepudding I am so sorry about your baby daughter, and I can understand why you were upset about what your mother in law did. It wasn't really her place. I hope that some of the answers on this thread have given you a bit of insight as to why people do it, but I think it should have been up to you and your baby's father what was buried with her.

Yes, exactly this.

I gave the funeral directors my DH's favourite pipe, try as he did he was never able to give it up. I am not religious in any way but just wanted to give him a “ comfort blanket “ and that’s what we all want to do .