Upsetting why do people put items in a coffin with a deceased person?

I agree with what Baggs suggested.

Did you ever have any bereavement counselling? If these memories are intrusive and upsetting, please ask your GP to refer you. Perhaps you could contact The Good Grief Trust and ask for help. Linda Magistrate set up TGGT as a charity to gather all kinds of support and I'm sure she would arrange something for you.

www.thegoodgrieftrust.org

It must be devastating to lose your child. I hope you can find peace.

I have my beautiful Springer Spaniel's ashes, she died 23 years ago. When I die they will be put in my coffin.

I’ve never thought of doing this myself, though I know Catholics are sometimes (often?) buried with their rosary. I’m Catholic and I think I would like that. My husband isn’t but I’d like him to have something, perhaps a photo.
I’m really sorry this is still a cause of distress to you chocpud, I don’t think it was your MIL’s place.

40 years is not such a long time when you have buried a child

I once took on a 14 year old dog whose owner had died. His family were not prepared to give him a home. He lived,happily we think,for another two years.
I cut off some of his tail hair to go with her original dad who had loved him so.

It has been the custom to put grave goods in a coffin for centuries. However, it might be better to place personal items and a photo in a corner of the house somewhere, as a tribute.

The Ancient Egyptians did that, it was something to travel to the afterlife with.

Both of our granddaughters wrote Grampy a letter which were out in his coffin with him, the letters made me cry (some more) but I hope it brought them some comfort

Danma

It might sound crazy to some but my lovely Mum often felt nauseous so kept a few ginger biscuits in her handbag to nibble whenever she went out. I put a couple in her coffin in case she needed them on her journey. I think she’d have found it amusing and it gave me a little comfort

I can totally see why you did this.

Greenfinch

There are some lovely poignant and heartfelt stories here and some humorous but meaningful ones too.Thank you all for sharing .

My sentiments exactly!

Boolya

My cousin died a few years ago. She had dementia. She loved watching In the Night Garden and had an Upsy Daisy doll with her. It was decided that it would go in her coffin. Next day, her husband remembered that she had a voice and he took out her batteries (the doll's, not my cousin's!) He feared that in a quiet moment a high pitched "Upsy Daisy" would be heard from inside the coffin. My cousin would have seen the funny side.

I love this! Just imagine! 😂

mabon1

Yes indeed and who is this "chocolate pudding" to question why people do it.

Here you go again with your comments. How can you be so unkind to a grieving mother? I have noticed before, (and remarked on) the fact that many of your comments are unkind. I think you need to take a look at yourself Mabon1. You are not helping grieving people feel a little less sad, you are making them feel worse. Are you really that unpleasant a person??

Murraymints:"My son died suddenly and on the day I had bought him a Spit Fire areoplane magazine, he never got to read it so I put it in his coffin."

Sympathy

It's human ... and some animal ...nature to to want to put things in coffins/burial sites to remember the deceased and in some cultures because of religious or other beliefs.

I don't have any problem with it at all, I think it's a lovely thing to do.

When I go I'd like someone to put a photo or something in my coffin of pets I've had over the years.

I put T bags and some Frankincense in my Mums coffin. I thought well if the Frankincense was good enough for Jesus it's good enough for my Mum.

Good post Celianne

I’m a retired funeral director and it really upsets me when I read comments about dishonest undertakers. Believe me there are good and bad in every business and I can assure you mine was better than good and if there had ever been any suspicions otherwise they would never have worked in the funeral business again.

Each and every dear soul who came to me was treated as a member of my family, with loving care.

When my own husband died last year included in his coffin were letters from our children, a toy penguin our g.grandaughter gave him which he cuddled, the blue shirt he cut the sleeves off because he was too impatient to let me do it and most importantly to me his two rings, the signet ring he wore as a wedding ring and the black stone gold ring he found when he was a boy and was allowed to keep by the police.

Why did I do this because I wanted to, and as far as possible I made sure all items given by families were included in the coffin, even mums knitting needles and on one memorable occasion dads screwdriver.

It’s about comfort to the bereaved and that was my job done.

Sago

Because it’s the last thing you will give that person and it will help some people in the grieving process.

Exactly this ^^
It’s a very personal decision to do so, it certainly means a great deal to the person who does so and hopefully brings them some comfort.
I would never question the reasoning, it’s none of my business.

I was driving to visit my mum on Mother’s Day when I got a call on my mobile to say she had died.
I put her Mother’s Day card in the coffin when I saw her.

simiisme

It made me feel better to make my Mum 'comfortable' in her coffin. She was dressed in soft pyjamas, with fluffy socks and slippers on her feet. We put a teddy bear in the coffin, too; when she had Alzheimers, carrying a teddy around comforted her.

🫂

My lovely Dad 7 weeks before my daughter in law gave birth . It was their first child after years of fertility problems. My son had a very close relationship with my Dad. Dad knew his life was drawing to a close and he said he’d die happy if he could just hold on to see the baby arrive safely.

Sadly , he didn’t make it and my son and daughter in law were heartbroken. They placed baby scan photos in the coffin.

Nothing is in bad taste, it’s what gives the grieved comfort!

My dad died, as he was an avid Celtic fan, grandkids had bought him tiny bears- mum was going to give to the charity shop but I put them in his coffin, along with photos of his deceased parents, a photo of us children as kids & also a tissue that I had cried into, I placed just next to his shoulder as it was my DNA.
I also took a photo of my mothers hand on top of my dads hand- photo now under his box of ashes on mums dresser

Why not? It is obviously important to the person who wants to place something in the coffin. It is not for anyone else to question why

My Dad died on his 76th birthday, everyone had bought him a card although he was very ill so we put them in his coffin. It just seemed the right thing to do.