Sending a bereavement card to someone you haven't seen for years

Retired if you want to give a donation give it to your favourite charity. We didn't have flowers at my husband's funeral but did say if people wanted to give a donation it would go to the cancer ward that treated him for treats for the patients we had over £5,000 pounds . That way if someone wanted a good bottle of whiskey they would have it ,or a fan anything they wanted. Was told the following year how far the money went and how many people benefited having a treat . Can't remember exactly how many but it was over 400 this was 21 years ago. We didn't have a wake and as atheists it was a non religious service. But the funeral director gave the eulogy and it was everything we wanted said about my husband.

Glad me and the children didn't cry as there was so many people to thank for coming . And they came from all over the country.

I read all the cards and letters that came and took them down 2 weeks after his funeral but they showed how much people cared about him. I never read them again and when I moved house in 2019 I put them in the recycling .

Yes that would be nice. When my brother died aged 57 his ex first girlfriend from when they were both 16 sent me a card and it was so nice to feel she remembered him x

Yes, why not. It’s a nice thing to do.

I have sent a card. I also phoned the funeral directors up to find out about a donation to charity in lieu of flowers. The lady was lovely and told me there was to be one spray of flowers on the coffin and she would find out about whether there was to be a charity box or not and let the person concerned know. I would not be able to go to the funeral. The result was there is to be no donation box.

Send something. I am still hurt that my ex (married for 22 years) didn’t sent anything when my mother died.

Retired65

Thank you all for your thoughts. I have decided to send a card.

I think that’s a nice gesture.

I've done this several times and it's always been welcomed. Also attended funerals of people I haven't seen in years. One was that of my first serious teenage boyfriend who died in his 40s. There were lots of people there from his past and his widow was comforted that we all remembered him. Also last year the funeral of my DDs best friend from school (also not been in touch with in recent years) age 39 and recently married. All the kids from their teens attended and her mum was overcome with thanks - she hadn't realised just how valued her DD had been. The boys (well, all now middle-aged men) also did two sponsored walks to raise funds for her 3-year old DD, my own DD travelled 200 miles to join them (and her mum and husband).

Unless circumstances are very different I imagine that knowing your memories of the person were fond ones is very comforting.

Definitely it’s a lovely gesture. Do it.

If you know what illness she died from you could just write at the bottom of that card that you will be giving a donation to …. In her memory.
I think your ex boyfriend will be touched that you have sent a card to his dear sister.

Yes, I would send a card, for the bereaved peron, it's nice their loved one has stayed in someone's memory and made a small difference to their lives.It will be a comfort.

When my mother passed away last July we were realy comforted by the cards of peaple who had known mam from years ago so yes send a card it’s a thoughtful and very kind thing to do and will give the family some comfort

If your relationship with the sister continued since 1987 yes, send a card. If you ended contact with both the exboyfriend and his sister at the same time, too much water under the bridge for a card to be meaningful.

When my son died the number of people who turned out for his funeral or who sent cards, often some I hadn’t heard from in years. It showed respect and caring and was a great comfort to me. Now I always try to send a card.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I have decided to send a card.

I would - you remember happy times with her, she was part of your life and your history so yes, a simple card expressing those feelings might well be much appreciated.

I too would send a card. All condolences help a little.

I think he'd be very comforted that you remembered him and his sister.. good idea..

You must.

When my son died I was amazed at the number of cards we received, many of them from people we didn't even know. At his funeral, too, there were so many people that they couldn't all fit into the church. It meant a great deal to us and I think the family of your ex's sister would also be touched to receive a card from you.

I would send a card

To be honest and in general, I cannot see any reason not to send a bereavement card to someone you have not seen for years. You obviously have a choice, but this small gesture of kindness is felt. I recently sent a card to someone I had not seen for over 55 years and had no hesitation whatsoever in doing so.

Absolutely YES! These things mean a great deal to bereaved people.

A huge yes from me.

Yes, do send the card and make the donation. It's a lovely gesture.

Yes sure I would maybe if you look online at a local paper to them it usually lists death notices, then you would be able to see if there is a chosen charity for donation.
if you do maybe put a small note at the bottom of the card saying you have made a donation to the chosen charity