Advice needed on where to live now

I’m sorry to read about the loss of your husband.

As lovely as they are, I would think very seriously about moving into a retirement complex. I think COVID dealt them a very bad hand. Rightmove locally is full of apartments for sale. There’s one on there that’s been on the market since 2022, so some poor souls will have spent an awful lot of money on fees for that period. The companies take a chunk of money when they’re sold too!

I hope that you find your perfect home soon.

25 miles isn't very far uou know.
What are the roads like?

They usually recommend not to make any big decisions for at least a year after a bereavement. I think it’s good advice and gives you room to breathe before doing anything .

Jess20

I'd look at finding somewhere to live where the NHS is still functioning well. You might need them in future to stay fit and functioning.

That is like looking for a needle in a haystack. You need to know in advance what illnesses you are going to have.

We are in the catchment area for a world class university hospital. The Cardiac department are superb and are the reason I am still a wife and not a widow.

On the other hand my personal experience is of misdiagnoses that drove me into the private sector, failures in monitoring and I am so relieved to be moving away from the area.

Please, whatever you do, don’t even think about buying a McCarthy Stone property. They make broken promises and as soon as they’ve got your money, they don’t want to know and wipe their hands with you. Hope you find your happy place.

I'd agree that you don't want to rush into anything. Like you I wouldn't touch retirement properties, the companies make money when you buy, when you sell and when they charge you enormous management fees.
I chose an apartment (share of freehold) on a well managed estate where we're free to sell without fees. The management fees here are high but they do all the gardening, outside maintenance including decorating and, in our case, the heating is communal.
I also agree with others that it is important to find somewhere that is within easy reach of doctor, dentist, shops, chemist and ideally with reliable public transport. These are obviously harder to find in a village setting, though not impossible. I've chosen a more urban environment, where my daughter already lives. I know that she might move from her flat to a house if she can afford it at a later stage but there is a thriving community here so I am not reliant on her.
It's harder to find an easily=managed small house with a garden, though there are a few here. In most areas bungalows are like gold dust, and you might find that the garden is too large for you to manage at a later stage.
I think you were right to ask your family whether they might move. Did they say whether they would consider moving out of the area altogether? This would obviously be a blow for you.

lixy

Future proof yourself as much as you can, so look for somewhere with easy access to shops, bus routes, doctors’ surgery, post box. Somewhere in an area you like and has activities/places you are interested in.

Look critically at a property thinking about ease of access and upkeep.

Being close to family is lovely but, as you are clearly aware, that can change at the drop of a hat so has to be a happy extra rather than a basic criteria when looking to move.
Good luck with your search.

Commiserations for your loss.

Sound advice from Lixy. I would add though:
1. Take a little time and think about what you do have. I would move in an instant, but he will not. However, over the years I have learned what is around me, made a few friends, and know my support structure (docs etc) Moving any distance will need you to start again, which is less easy.

2. Now is perhaps the time to look around at U3A, Trefoil Guild, dancing classes, WI etc that you possibly did not have time for.

3. Do NOT opt for a village unless it has great public transport links - you do not actually know how long you will be able to drive. Get a big map and spend time to tick off those you know won't suit. How far do you want to be from son right now - yes, you do not need a daily check, but near enough for Sunday lunch, perhaps? Or do you want to pick somewhere that is on the coast, less than 1.5 hours away, so he can come for weekends?

4. You are probably a bit too young for a retirement property unless you are otherwise unwell. You can buy somewhere, pay as much as renting, and they are a devil to sell. Some are actually on the rental market because heirs cannot - so you might like to think about renting for a short while to see if it suits you.
Best wishes for your future.
(PS. Tell council to reduce your council tax)
My parents wen to look at one, and they were offered a job as site managers! Perhaps this is an option for you.

Thanks again everyone. I’ve been decluttering, as my DH left an awful lot of stuff to sort through. He was big on his hobbies. It’s been heartbreaking to find his notes and half done projects. He was very untidy, so it’s all very difficult. His paperwork was awful. I’m still finding letters in unusual places. He didn’t have a system at all.

Abnuyc123

I’ve been looking at retirement complexes. There are definitely drawbacks with costs. The monthly fees can be as much as £800, which is an awful lot of money. There are clauses as well where the company takes a cut wherever they can.

I’m going to give that plan a miss for now.

And don't even THINK about moving, costwise!

I've known people who have had lots of problems with macarthy stone type properties, both when they were living there and for their family after they died.
Just Google macarthy stone problems and you'll find lots of info from reputable. Sources.

Get a little bungalow near your son. We did this with my parents years ago and it was great that they were so close. Remember boundaries with their house though - no popping in several times a week uninvited!

Sorry about your husband x
Don’t rush anything, but perhaps you could also move again should they move, or you would have made friends and have settled in that area ..if you do move near your son, join some groups etc don’t just rely on your son.
🌺

I moved only 12 miles away after my husband died, someone older wrote and advised me to wait so I did. In the meantime I went to see many areas within a certain radius from where I lived.

I looked for a nice easy car park and a good public toilet. I got out of the car and made eye contact with people, some areas were so friendly that they were put on my list. The people who chatted with me, that made a difference. I found the area I wanted

Naturally, buses, a variety of shops etc. In my case there are no vape shops, nail bars, betting shops etc, all plus points. It has a quiet large churchyard that I could peacefully wander around while thinking and then I started the buying/selling process wrt the fact that I wanted a dedicated sewing room, easy garden, garage etc

So here I am, the selling/buying process started 3 years after my husband died, it took quite a few months then I moved during 2019. . I never did waste my time, I spent time, de-cluttering

I am in somerset, son is in Glasgow, one dd in wiltshire 25 miles away and one dd in wales 90 miles away. I think both dds will end up in Wales and that would then be my last move too. Same conditions though and including stairs to exercise my leg muscles for cycling in the Welsh countryside that I know so well

I would not live too close to any AC, they need their privacy too. I already know the area I would move to, having spent 43 years in that area

My heartfelt condolences.

You know you want to move, so take the advice already given and start deciding where you want to move to. And don't put all your dependence on being near your son, as you have already wisely asked him, if he might want to move later on, and he was honest enough to know and say that he could not promise it would never happen.

You know you want a smaller property, so start now on the onerous task of deciding what of your present goods and chattels you are going to want, and what you either intend to throw out, denote to charity, or sell. And start getting rid of all that you know you will not want, and that your son does not want either. Anything he does want, either goes to h im NOW if you have no further use of it, or is written done as his future property. (This last only really applies if you have other heirs as well as him.)

Have your solicitor make out a provisional power of attorny, so your son or whoever you appoint is legally able to deal with your affairs if you should become unable to do so yourself. My husband had not given me one, and I know this sounds horrible, but had he lived longer than two weeks after he was no longer able to write or talk, we would have been in queer street.

Now is also the time to start thinking about whether you should update your will, and take out a pre-paid funeral plan for yourself.

As you find localities you think you might like, spend a couple of days, or longer in these towns, so you can find out the advantages and disadvantages.

Remember there may come a day when you cannot or should not drive, so don't buy a property at the back of beyond.

But please do not rush into moving.

The other point I'd make is to bear in mind that, if you do decide to move, "some other b&gger" may muck up the area you've got your eye on. For instance - you've thought "Lovely bit of countryside to look out on from my windows" - but some developer somewhere may also have his beady little eyes on that and with the intention of building on it and ruining it.

One of the things I got right (there's a lot I underestimated) when I moved to current area is I checked out the Local Development Plan and was able to think "A developer has got his little eyes on this bit - but that bit should be safe for as long as I need it as 'nice nearby area' ".

Whilst you're deciding what to do in the long term - perhaps it would be an idea to do a gradual declutter - ie one drawer and then another drawer and you'll have worked your way through a chest of drawers. Then one shelf of a bookcase...then the next shelf etc.

Whatever you decide to do - you won't then have to do a huge declutter in a matter of days - as you will have been working your way towards it gradually.

When I was wondering whether to move after DH died (house larger than I need, garden demanding) a friend reminded me that wherever I went I would take myself with me. In other words, moving house would not fill the DH sized gap in my life. So three years down the line I am making the house as easy as possible for an unimaginable future and staying put in a community I value highly.

Lots of good advice here.I always think M0nica nails it! but there are lots of other useful suggestions.
As a retired housing person, I would add, be wary of retirement villages/ apartments.They may be right for many, but if you buy rather than rent, you can be stuck next to someone noisy or who is ill and with behavioural problems, and have difficulty selling. Also, service charges can be very high, and if you die and your children cannot sell the property quickly, they can still be liable for these costs. Find out as much as you can before going down this road.

My health suddenly deteriorated over a year ago, and I wish now I had sold earlier. I have to pay people to do house and garden maintenance I always used to do myself, and when I can no longer drive I will have a problem. I live a long way from my ACs, and though they make the effort to visit, they are busy working, and I now have to take longer to travel to see them. Have lost a number of friends lately - aging population here. And housing market stagnant at the moment.Will be looking, when I can, for all the small town facilities others have suggested and opportunities to keep up my interests with a range of like minded people of all ages, as well as being nearer to my ACs.
Good luck

I'd look at finding somewhere to live where the NHS is still functioning well. You might need them in future to stay fit and functioning.

Enjoy your house and look around. These things can't be rushed. Good luck

How do you know you will be happy if you move? Think very carefully, give yourself a bit of time to explore other areas, amenities eg health services. Sometimes its better the devil you know.

Have a look round and see if there's a smallish town, or a village, which has a community - WI, village hall, shop etc.

While a lot of people have moved into our village and don't join in with anything, we still have a core community. The - slightly - younger ones keep an eye on those who are becoming less able, give lifts to medical appointments (poor bus service), help with events and so on.

If you find somewhere with an active community you can muck in while you are able and build up some credit for when you might need some help. Then, if your son does move away, you will have friends and acquaintances and won't be isolated.

I can’t face moving twice, so renting is off the table. Even moving once feels very daunting.

I’m wondering whether I should spend money on this house, so I can love it. My concern is, I’ll spend the money and still not love it.

I’ve been looking at retirement complexes. There are definitely drawbacks with costs. The monthly fees can be as much as £800, which is an awful lot of money. There are clauses as well where the company takes a cut wherever they can.

I’m going to give that plan a miss for now.

Oreo

If you can afford an apartment in a retirement village I would think about doing that. You would soon have new friends and neighbours with everything tailored to your needs and also future needs.There are some lovely ones but do lots of research.

I am not sure I agree. High maintenance costs, taking a share of the prie when sold - and if it takes a long time to sell, and they frequently do, hour heirs have to pay council tax on it at second home rate.

Once again, see if you can try before you buy and rent one for a while.