Advice needed on where to live now

Thanks everyone. Good advice from you all.

If you can afford an apartment in a retirement village I would think about doing that. You would soon have new friends and neighbours with everything tailored to your needs and also future needs.There are some lovely ones but do lots of research.

Abnuyc, sending you heartfelt sympathy.
The advice to take time is very wise, I'd say . It is still very early days.
You are wise to be cautious about moving to be near a son who might find his dream job and relocate a hundred miles away.
Take the opportunity now, to think about where would suit you, taking the good advice given here. Start to declutter to accommodate your needs for a smaller, more convenient space. Take some cuttings from any favourite plants to pot up to come with you.
Don't rush - grieving takes it's own sweet time. Good luck.

If you decide to sell up and move somewhere new, rent for a year before you buy, then if it is a disaster, you can extricate yourself and start again.

My DH loved this house, a new build, bought in ‘93 and had he lived, I don’t think moving/relocating would’ve cropped up, as long as one of us could drive.
He died in 2021 and while at 74, I still drive, I’m happy here - it’s far too big, as is the garden, the situation isn’t convenient for anything much and it’s expensive to run. At the moment none of these is a problem. My small circle of friends is around me and I’ve good neighbours too.
At first, DD1 was quite vocal in trying to get me to move nearer to her and/or DD2, but I know they’re both busy with demanding jobs, husbands, sons and out-laws, so I think I’d be as low down on the pecking order as I am here. They see me as very capable - I don’t expect them to do physical jobs for me and have my little list of handy tradespeople to call on. Never say never, but both they and their DHs are fairly sure they’ll be staying put or if moving, it’d be within the same suburb of Newcastle.
The big decision if and when it might arise is two fold. Firstly the downsize, which I’d probably manage although I’d have to be ruthless in sorting out my possessions or buying new, but it’s the location which would be the problem. I think the DDs would be fine with me buying somewhere smaller, but perhaps not happy if I stay where I am - 25miles away or further, should I opt to return to a more familiar development where everything I’d need is easily accessed.

Not much help Ab and I’m sorry for your loss. However, I’d echo previous posts and take your time making any decision.

Abnuyc123 as you've said you're not particularly attached to the house and would have liked to move anyway, I don't think you need to wait a year just for the sake of it.

I do think that this is your time now and you can take your time to start really thinking about what you want, do your research, draw up your list of essentials and nice-to-haves.

Do you have a good friendship circle, do you belong to social groups you value.
Do you live near public transport, doctor's surgery, shops.
Think "future-proofing", so easy access and not too many stairs!

How far from where you are now is your son's village? I think you already have reservations about that suggestion, kind and well-meaning as it is.

Sympathy to all of you for the sudden loss of your husband x

I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, please slow things down a bit. You need time to better understand what is important to you as your life will be, not as it was.

When my Mum died we were on the brink of asking my Dad if he wanted to live with us, there was plenty of space. Sensibly I now realise we had second thoughts. He was fine living independently close to friends, he was also close enough for us to see him regularly. We realised our reaction had been a knee jerk to my Mum’s death. It’s of course understandable and admirable that you son wants to look after you, it just may not be the right thing to move to their village. You already know your current home isn’t where you want to stay, with time you’ll know what and where would be. It could be to your sons village, or not. Perhaps reassure your son you’re thinking about the future and appreciate he wants to care for you. That’s enough for now.

Thanks so much everyone. It’s really lovely that strangers are so kind, supportive and thoughtful. I think perhaps taking a few deep breaths and slowing things down is a good plan. Thanks again.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I always hear people say not to make any major decisions for at least six months, but it seems you do indeed know that you don't want to stay in a house that is too large for you.

This recently happened to my SIL, and she has already sold the house and rented a small apartment in town. She is on the list for a larger apartment in the same building, but will have to wait for a vacancy. This gives her plenty of time to decide if she likes being there, and how much room she really needs to have.

You haven't said how far away your son lives, or how connected you are to your present location. I do understand wanting to be close to family. Can you find somewhere to rent so you are not committed to a purchase? That might be too many upheavals for you, but you want to be certain that you have made the right move.

I definitely agree wait a year and give your self time to grieve. Your mind and thoughts will be all over the place and only when time passes you will be able to think more clearly. Thinking of you.

The advice is always 'wait a year'

While waiting, make a list, first of what your perfect location would be, perhaps start with the perfect but least practical - a cottage deep in the Devon countryside surrounded by fields, for example and then gradually reason it down. Perhaps a cottage not too far from where you live now, in a large village with good transport links and with you able to continue your existing social networks.

Yu did the right thing asking your son, would he ever move, so perhaps the thing to do there, is see if there is a small country town nearby. Somewhere you will have all services - doctors, shops, social groups. etc within foot or buggy reach, where you can be near your son but also build up your own independent social life, so if he does move, your own life can continue untrammelled. Check out any town you consider, check that it has the kind of social activities you enjoy, does it have a train service.

We are currently downsizing and moving nearer our children and having got the right area several towns were ruled out because none of the activities we enjoy were provided for in the area.

Hope that suggested thought process helps.

I obviously do nt know you, where you live now and what you enjoy doing

Future proof yourself as much as you can, so look for somewhere with easy access to shops, bus routes, doctors’ surgery, post box. Somewhere in an area you like and has activities/places you are interested in.

Look critically at a property thinking about ease of access and upkeep.

Being close to family is lovely but, as you are clearly aware, that can change at the drop of a hat so has to be a happy extra rather than a basic criteria when looking to move.
Good luck with your search.

I’m sorry to hear of your husbands death

Give it some time. It’s so recent you need to grieve and make decisions after that