Still brokenhearted

So sorry Doodle

Thank you x

for Doodle

Doodle I meant to respond to your post, apologies and I add my condolences to you. [ flowers]

Thank you all for your replies. Molly Moo I’m so sorry must be so hard for you,
It’s the missing and the longing that hurts so much.

So sorry to read how much your hurting and I pray your pain gets less each day and your memories help to console you xx

Moo moo I am really sorry. Its hard for you, grieving yet angry at the same time. Have you been able to talk to someone, it might help even a little.

This is what happened to my friend a few years ago. A good friend rang her, they had a nice chat, no problems or worries, she was happy, awaiting her first gc and her dd was moving near to them, everything was fine. They said goodbye made plans to meet up and her friend killed herself that evening.
My friend was the last person to speak to her and still is confused and a bit guilty that she didn’t pick up that something was wrong.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Or him. Sending you a gentle hug and condolences.

MooMoo I am sorry your husband took his own life . The pain you feel not knowing must tear you apart. I know the feeling of losing half of yourself. I still feel the rage and anger at my husband but he had no choice cancer killed. .

But use your anger to get you through each day . It's the rage and anger that has got me through the last 21 years . The sadness numbs over time . But don't think you have to be brave because you don't have to be . Others will expect you to accept losing half of yourself don't listen to them they done understand.

Over the years I have found only people going through the same thing as you can understand how you feel. My grief is different to yours as I know why my husband died. The not knowing why is a pain only someone going through what you have can understand. Hopefully someone will post who understands what you are feeling . 🌹

All this 'find closure' stuff is said and written by people who feel uncomfortable around other people's grief.

On the other hand, we do need to adjust to it, so life is bearable. When my sister died, I had an irrational desire never to see the first agony of grief go away. She was so special to me the idea of this agony going away, seemed to say, I no longer cared about her. But even as I thught this I knew I was being irrational. I could not have lived with it long term, it would have killed me.

So I think what we do is we earn to live without that person. Easier with a sister than a husband, because we lived some distance apart so were used to being apart. For someone you have lived with, with love for decades, that is something else.

But, the grief never goes. We are downsizing and moving house and our household goods include things that previously belonged to my sister and, even these many decades later, as I resolutely give them to charity or send them to auction, I mourn.

MOnica’s experience and response feel reassuring to me. There’s so much reference to ‘ moving on’ ‘coming to terms with’ and worse ‘finding closure’ when we discuss trauma, including significant bereavement. The suggestion seems to be that if we manage our trauma / grief in some magical way, we can ‘find closure’. Whatever that might mean.

Our experiences are part of us. I’m grateful for many good years with my husband. We lived well together, through all the happy or difficult things life brought to our door. I do my best to live well without his physical presence. His death and all that went with that left me sad and drained, to put it simply. It also strengthened our love for each other and that sustains me.

Moo moo I hope my thoughts don’t add to your sorrow. I was very moved by your post 💐

Hold onto your wonderful memories it will give you the strength to face each day 💐

Actually, why still brokenhearted. of course you are brokenhearted. It is only a year since your DH died.

Thankfully DH is still with me, but when my dearest sister was killed in a road accident. I cried in the car as I drove to and from work, most days for a year, and even 34 years later, now and again something happens, that reminds me of her, and that can still bring me close to tears.

MooM00 I wish I could find the words to help

Doodle Others have said it all. Take care of yourself.

I lost my husband to suicide 2 and a half years ago. I ask the big question WHY which can never be answered. He took half of me that day. The sadness along with the anger is unbearable.

Thinking of you Doodle, bereavement is maybe the hardest thing we humans have to bear.
It’s nine years since my lovely husband died and I’m now pretty used to this new landscape, but as others have said, caught out at times by memories.
My DC have been my great comfort and when I see his features repeated in them, I’m grateful for the continuity and gift of life.

I am so sorry Doodle I hate to think of you like this, you were/are so caring and lovely on Black Dog, I have no advice as I have not been through this. Please look after yourself.

Ah Doodle, I wish I had something good or comforting to say but I hear your sorrow and sadness and there is no fix. It hurts my heart to know you hurt and I guess we have to hold the hand of sorrow and walk with it through our lives. I like to look up at the clouds and know he is watching me and loving me still. So, I dont feel alone, but separated for a time. You have another purpose - it just hasnt fallen at your feet yet. With love - Mac.

So sorry Doodle. A year feels like the longest blink of an eye. It’s 2 years since my husband started the treatment it was hoped would extend his life expectancy from 4 to 18 months. He died five months later so I’m 5 months it will be 3 years since he died
I empathise with the feelings you express. I miss my husband and accept I always will. X

Nortsat what a beautiful flower such a lovely colour.
Thank you to everyone who had replied to me. There are a lot of caring people on GN and so many in the same position of having lost the love of their life.
It’s so kind of you all to share your experiences and your comforting words. Thank you all for helping over the last few days. 💕💕

Doodle I haven’t been around GN for quite a while and didn’t know you had lost your DH.
Oh bless you both, I am so sad to learn this.
I am sending you all good thoughts and a camellia from the garden, incase it helps to raise a small smile.

I am there WITH you. I am so very sorry for your loss. For me it’s 3 years. Of course the heartbreak does not go away. I choose to believe he is here with me always. I speak to him all the time. You and I carry on because there is nothing else we can do. I have the living world to care for so I’m needed here and busy, but also incredibly lonely. Someone said something I heard once which helps me a little and in sharing I hope it may help you and others…so here goes...”it is not possible to “get over” losing someone who we (still) adore, nothing gets “easier” or “less” with time. But we gradually get used to how it feels and learn to live alongside that feeling.” I am privileged to have known him. I am so sorry that I can’t provide you what you want most of all, no one can, but please know that you are not alone and let him comfort you during those quiet times with your shared memories, in your mind you can be together whenever you choose and no one can take that from you. 💐

I feel so sorry for you. It's 3 years since my husband died. I don't cry every day but I still have times I when I'm feeling lonely and cry at losing him. You do learn to live without him but life has changed forever. I can now smile at our holiday photos when they pop up and think how lucky I was for over 30 years. Take it slowly I tried grief counselling but it didn't help me. I booked a holiday on my own after 9 months it was a hard thing to do, but that really helped me to begin living my new life.

Same goes for all who have lost the other half of yourself to.🌹🌹

Doodle I can't believe it's been a year since your darling husband died. I call the first 10 years early grief. After 21 years I still miss and talk to my husband everyday. The grief gets worse as the years go by for me as my husband has missed so much . The hardest time of the year is the date he died and Christmas.

I am glad you don't hold back the tears. I was foolish and thought I had to be brave so I waited until I went to bed . But I was 45 what did I know about grief or being on my own.

When the other half of you dies in my experience half of me died to and haven't been whole since . I went from living with my parents to living with my husband we married next year . Next year I already dreading as it will be 22 years since he died and we had been married 22 years but a couple for 29..

There is the old saying it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But it doesn't cover the bone crushing grief that can hit you out of the blue . People expert you to get over grief as if it's some illness that you take a tablet and it clears up. Grief lasts a lifetime. But you learn to cope but it takes years and years . Even now I can shout at my husband for leaving me which sounds wicked but then I see him with that stupid grin on his face as if to say feeling better now . And funny thing is I do.

Doodle cry and express your grief in anyway which is right for you. 🌹

I firmly believe a broken heart can never truly mend, we each live with our grief in different ways. My husband was very clever, he was considerably older than me and he made me promise that when I was left without him (note, “when” not “if”) I would not sit around weeping and grieving, but try to be as happy as possible and live the rest of my life as fully as I can, and I have tried to keep that promise, not always successful, but in the main I know he would be pleased with my efforts! I still miss him terribly, every day is a real effort,even after six years, but then I think of my promise and smile xxxx