I have been so strong for ten years. I am crumbling

May I politely suggest that one loss provokes the original loss?

A couple of things that have helped me are Julia Samuels ( writer) and Marie Curie ( helpline).

Kind thoughts.

So sorry to hear this karmalady 💐 I prayed for you and your daughter.

So sorry to read this karmalady, I understand how your daughter must be feeling as I have had very similar experiences in my lifetime. As a mum, your pain for her pain is such a lot to shoulder, on top of your own loss being brought to the fore as you experience her grief. . Gently remind her she will have them in her heart forever and to hold on to her memories of them, as I do with my own deceased horses. I can still feel the contours of their bodies and the silkiness of their muzzles, not to mention their little idiosyncratic actions. Sending much love to you both. It's a hard time, but it will pass, leaving warm hearts all the fuller for having known the loved one.

Your poor DD. It’s so awful to lose a horse. Your own grief is understandable because there’s nothing you can do other than comfort her.
💐

Already she is coping, she has a small old pony that she has looked after for years, he is 33 and I have suggested that she spends time with him as he must be sensing the trauma. She is doing that now and has already found her best happy photo to be framed

She said that she felt calm when the deed was done, that he was out of pain and also that the pain she feels is a result of her love for her horse. Now she is learning about grief and love. She will come through this and so will I. Her husbands support for her has been outstanding through this and her marriage will be even stronger

Good can come out of bad. I realise that I still need to grieve and I do know that grief will always be with me. I am grateful to have had 40 happy years. My mum had 24 years with 7 children to raise and my friend was only 23 when she lost her husband, she raised three sons by herself

I will light some candles this evening and be thankful that DD and me are coping well

I have very recently discovered that grief is like a big digger that goes down into the earth, it hauls up all other kinds of grief in its giant maws. All those other griefs come tumbling into our thoughts. We don't ever want to forget the immense feelings for those we loved, so let the sadness sit with you for a while. It will ebb away when the time is right.

Warm wishes to you and your DD.

So sorry - my thoughts are with you and your daughter

karmalady💐

Thinking of you Karmalady ❤️

I’m so sorry karmalady . Thinking of you and your daughter ❤️

I’m so sorry karmalady, I know what it is to love a horse. Your daughter did everything she could, and her horse knew nothing after gently going to sleep for the surgery. He went knowing only love and kindness.

I’m sending all my thoughts to you both, grieving for this and yet again the loss of your beloved husband.

Grief can hit you at anytime - without rhyme or reason. Days, weeks even years later - we just learn to live with it and carry it with us always. Thinking of you and your daughter.

I'm so sorry to read this, karmalady. There is nothing useful I can say, but want you to know that people are thinking of you, for what it's worth.

You have tried to stay strong for years and probably not allowed yourself to properly grieve, karmalady, staying strong for everyone else.

Sending 💐 to you both.

Staying strong is a coping mechanism like busy work, it serves us well enough
As things change so do we as does our grief

Doing the best we can is to be accepted as what it is, the best we can
It’s good to see so many of us able to empathise and care about karnalady her daughter (and their horse )

I think that was really well put Iam. x

So very sorry to hear of your distress, Karma and that your Daughter had such a hard decision to make. Her tears will dry and when they do she'll remember what a fantastic experience she shared with the horse in her life. Maybe this will be some sort of release for you now and you'll start to feel better and stronger as a result of that shared love. Everyone is wishing you well..........................

"What do we do when our hearts hurt", asked The Boy.
"We wrap them with friendship, shared tears and time, 'til they wake hopeful and happy again".

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse/Charlie Mackesy

karmalady

A lot of us widows cope by being busy, especially those who suffer a sudden loss, when the `what if` we all had as a couple becomes reality, when the worst has happened

The horse had a very big gut infection and he would not have survived so was been put to sleep just 20 minutes ago

Now that has happened, I think my DD will cope, often the `what if` is more traumatic on a psychological level. That horse has been so stoic and loving, through so much and at the end he had a gentle end to his life. She will appreciate that, same as I appreciate that my husband died doing what he loved, cycling

Life must end for all of us. I am glad I did not die first, I can cope, my husband would not have coped.

What profound insight you have karmalady.

for you and your DD.

Karmalady 💐❤️

It is always only just below the surface and suddenly something will trigger it, however many years have passed.

Look after yourself as well as your DD.

I’m so sorry to hear this, both the loss of your husband and the loss of your daughter’s beloved horse. I’ll light a candle too tonight. Grief is something that resurfaces sometimes unexpectedly triggered by obscure things, a word, a song. I guess that we need, sometimes to go with that grief.x

Karmalady 🪻🪻🪻

What a heavy responsibility we have for our animals karmalady, my love to your brave daughter and of course to you, always appearing so strong and courageous, it’s time perhaps to have some quiet space. xx

* Karmalady* for you and your daughter.
‘grief is the price we pay for love’ so said our late QEII, and no other phrase has ever summed up the emotions and feelings we experience when we are bereaved, so accurately, imo. x

My daughter-in-law had to say goodbye to her beloved elderly mare earlier this year.
So sad for your daughter.

karmalady you sound like you are still suffering the trauma of the shock of your beloved husband's accident and death 😓