Recent raw bereavement

Crossstitchfan

I am so sorry. Most people have said what I would have said, so I won’t repeat myself.
However, you mustn’t feel selfish about the way you feel.I am sure anyone in your position would feel the same.
I am not clear w

Cont’d.
I am not clear why you fear separation from your daughters, but I hope that won’t happen.
As for the request for payment that came from the other granddad,you simply have to put that odious man straight about the way it works. Tell him straight that you will not be paying. This can be done in two words, and the second word is OFF!
Things seem horrendous now, but they will improve, I promise. Hang in there and come back here for moral support whenever you need it.💐

I am so sorry. Most people have said what I would have said, so I won’t repeat myself.
However, you mustn’t feel selfish about the way you feel.I am sure anyone in your position would feel the same.
I am not clear w

Rowantree
I must have missed this thread when you first posted but wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, for all of you in these extremely sad circumstances.

It's understandable that you want to cling extra tightly to your daughters and grandchildren at this time, our children might be adults but we still want to protect them.

I hope you can find some practical help from the links on this thread.

Thank you to you all for your kindness. We have now got two solicitors: one is disentangling the horrendous financial mess ( at great expense but it has to be done). The other will investigate the circumstances surrounding the course ov events leading up to death of X and if the coroner decides it's complex enough to invoke Article 2, we might have help with funding. Otherwise there will always be huge questions and who knows, answers could prevent a few deaths in the future.
We are still living with the shock and total horror of it all, and it's caused differences of opinions in the wider family which has been very very painful to deal with. DGD is having therapy and the school are being wonderfully supportive. DGD is socializing with friends sometimes which is healthy. We're trying to strike a balance between giving her space and encouraging her to talk about her dad, and doing 'normal ' family things together as much as possible. I am finding myself feeling incredibly weepy, 'clingy' and lost when I don't see my daughters and grandchildren ( both daughters have a child each) but I recognize that isn't healthy and I don't want to make it their problem, but it's a daily emotional struggle ( yes I know it's selfish).
We continue to try to take things day by day. The funeral is towards the end of the month and I'm dreading it, as are we all.
Nothing we find out will bring him back , but we will never be the same again and emotionally I don't know if I can move past feelings of hopelessness and fears of separation from my daughters.

I'm sorry

Rowantree

Louisa they weren't married....also any bereavement grant wouldn't be applied because they separated a few months ago. We're finding doors slamming in our faces everywhere we look for help. I'm staying with them for a few days here and there, to help with basic stuff: she's struggling with washing and there are clothes everywhere. The house is tiny with little storage and that doesn't help keep on top of things. But now I've got a tooth infection and am in pain, so my OH insisted I come home and rest and go to an emergency dentist appointment tomorrow.
To make matters worse, the other granddad is expecting us to pay for most of his son's funeral ( he's offered to 'contribute '.). Somehow we'll need to talk to him about this. Our daughter and granddaughter will need our financial support for some time to come till she's on her feet ( if that ever happens). His sons debts are a huge worry and an unknown.

Other granddad wanting you to pay -- you merely decline.

My condolences too.

You know, most life insurances are not paid out in the case of suicide - cold comfort I know, but the fact that the man cancelled his policy, rather points to the fact that he had at that point made up his mind to take his own life.

Surely there are bereavement or grief counselling groups for children in the UK`? A local clergyman, GP, or your grand-daughter's school should be able to give you an address and telephone number for one.

It amazes me that any country allows parents not to leave at least a minimum sum to their child.

I do hope you can all get some help with all the problems you are facing right now.

Louisa they weren't married....also any bereavement grant wouldn't be applied because they separated a few months ago. We're finding doors slamming in our faces everywhere we look for help. I'm staying with them for a few days here and there, to help with basic stuff: she's struggling with washing and there are clothes everywhere. The house is tiny with little storage and that doesn't help keep on top of things. But now I've got a tooth infection and am in pain, so my OH insisted I come home and rest and go to an emergency dentist appointment tomorrow.
To make matters worse, the other granddad is expecting us to pay for most of his son's funeral ( he's offered to 'contribute '.). Somehow we'll need to talk to him about this. Our daughter and granddaughter will need our financial support for some time to come till she's on her feet ( if that ever happens). His sons debts are a huge worry and an unknown.

My heartfelt sympathies goes out to you all who are going through such heartbreaking times

I share your pain. My DD very recently lost her husband to a sudden illness. Her children (primary school aged son and daughter) are heartbroken. I am at a loss as to how to help them. This is new territory for me as I my parents were around until I was middle aged. I live a distance away and their family support has always been the other grandparents. As you can imagine, they are in bits. They will be well provided for once pension and insurances are sorted but emotionally they are in uncharted territory. If anyone has advice, please share.

I’m so sorry for what you are all going through. I believe your daughter may be entitled to Bereavement Support Allowance . I know she wasn’t married to him but she has his daughter to support .
If I remember I got over £1000 lump sum and then approximately £100 a month for a year . It’s not a lot but worth applying for . I hope she gets some help for her child’s sake .

I can't add anything to the good advice that you have been given here, Rowantree, but I couldn't not send you every good wish for better days to come. You and your family have had a terrible time, and are still in the early stages of grief.
Be kind to yourself so that you can carry on supporting your DD and DGD.

I am so, so sorry about your son in law and for all of you.
May I advise you not to pay off the mortgage until you have expert, reliable advice.
Your daughter will find support on “Widowed and Young”.
Mumsnet have bereavement threads and you and your daughter will find practical and emotional support there.
The government have some financial support, not a great deal but their advisors will direct you to others.
The funeral director should be knowledgeable too.
There are several charities which give support after suicide.
If you have a local church or your GD has a school chaplain, there will be a compassionate listening ear. You do not have to be a committed Christian and every minister or priest I know is a good and confidential listener who has “heard it all”.

Hold your D and GD close.

I’m so terribly saddened and sorry for your loss. The pain and grief of those left behind is immense and I can only offer sincere condolences.

On a practical note could you daughter contact your local occupational health team? They may be able to help with adaptations to her home.

Your DGD may benefit from counselling.

Best wishes to you all x

What a shock Rowantree how very sad for you all 🥀

Rowantree sorry for your daughter and granddaughter. And you seeing them in so much pain.

If you read the Losing my son thread there are ones who will understand what you are all going through. As they have gone through loved ones taking their own life.

I still grieve for my husband everyday and it's been 21.5 years . But my grief is different.

Forgot to say....was there any deather in service lump sum from the dads work? Or any pension entitlement to next of kin?

Very loss for your loss....can your DD apply for PIP ? ...Can she apply for the widows benefit which is for parents with under 18s .....I don't think either of these benefits are means tested

Rowantree, I am sorry for your loss.

This is so sad for all of you, I'm so sorry.

Apart from the benefits link, you might want to take a look at this organisation

www.winstonswish.org.uk

Whilst they are primarily for emotional support, they may well be able to signpost you to other organisations you can access.

You sound like a lovely, supportive family and I hope in time, your very raw grief will lead to some peace and acceptance.

So very sad for all of you. I hope the benefits link that has been posted above will be helpful.

I am terribly sorry to hear of this great and complicated loss.

It's good that your daughter has a mortgage free home and your support.

Sincere condolences for your loss for you and your family .

I am so sad having read your
Post. Such a tragic thing to happen, I send you all my sympathy and wish you strength for the future. 💐💐

I’m so sorry rowantree. My condolences and love to you all. .

Little enough though it is I know from my professional life this organisation can provide both a helpful listening ear and informed support.

uksobs.com/

Please care for yourself too.