Of course I can do it alone ..

Strikes a chord with me too...

I'm not widowed, it would be easier if I was, but this poem is so true, it makes you very strong but oh how I wish I could be a soft old lady.

I could have written that. Thank you

Was it Eleanor Roosevelt who said "A woman is like a teabag; you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water" ?

Luckygirl3

*People say, "You're so strong," like it's a gift, not something I built brick by brick when no one showed up.*

That was the line that stood out for me too merlot

And me!

People say, "You're so strong," like it's a gift, not something I built brick by brick when no one showed up.

That was the line that stood out for me too merlot

That’s beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

I think the poem is about isolation so people will just address their own experience of feeling isolated through whatever grief, trauma or experience.

Rosie I’ve had a happy marriage of almost 30 years. I cannot even begin to imagine losing him. You have to do this, there is no choice. As you say 😭 lots of love xx

MacCavity2

If only more women believed in themselves.

Apologies for not yet having read the thread
I do believe in myself. I’m also living the best life I can, something I’ve tried to do since my mid teens

Non of this fill the huge empty space mr I previously filled

Yes, it’s the wishing I didn’t have to do everything on my own rather than not being able to. And the having nobody to share the every day things with. I am sure I don’t appear lonely - but I am.

I hate the expression 'strong'. What are we supposed to do when faced with horrible things in our lives? We have no choice.

I've done solo travel before him and living alone but it's nice having someone, at least 1 human being who can chat to you about whatever without the usual social mask

I met my husband when I was 32. We are both first marriage to each other. He provided me with stability , I won't lie. I was surviving on my own but if he goes first, I'll probably need at least a best friend because I haven't got anyone else adult in this country

Very true rosiesmaw.

That does resonate, I hate it when people say 'you are so strong' when I feel broken and sob in the shower or the car. DH discharged from hospital last week, no movement in right arm or leg, unable to stand without support, needs full help with continence, washing, cooking, clearing up, skin care, getting in and out of bed and commode chair. We have a small amount of savings, so no help with care costs after the first four weeks. No help with equipment or continence costs, I have had to buy everything and sometimes I get it wrong. His speech goes when he is tired and I can't understand what he is asking for, which frustrates us both. Thank you Rosie. I feel for you.

I am now married a second time and happy (in spite of some worrying health problems) but that poem fits me after my painful divorce - and if you are divorced people do not realise you are probably not happy, even if it was your choice. The end of a relationship hurts anyway, and suddenly you are on your own. I know widowhood is a time of grieving - am just saying that divorce is painful too - you have lost the good relationship you had hoped for and foolishly kept on longing for. Being alone can be happy but it can be very hard too.

Reassuring!

I am not a widow, but DH is in a care home with dementia so it applies to me too. I have to get on with everything.

Recently a friend said she did not know what she would do if anything happened to her DH. I never said a word.

I think this resounds with most women, and specially with most widows.

We can do most things ourselves, but we do sometimes wish we didn't have to.

Perhaps I can clean gutters too, but I am not going to. I shall pay someone younger, stronger than I, who is not afraid of heights and standing on ladders to do so.

After my husband died in 2014, I got so fed up with people saying 'aren't you coping well'. I am an only child, my husband was estranged from his family. I have 3 adult children. 2 lived away, 1 at home. I organised my step dad's funeral the year before. Do people expect us to sit in a corner rocking? We CAN do this because we have to and life has to go on

RosieandherMaw Thankyou, the poem echoes my feelings exactly.

Lovely poem and yes of course do it all alone, however if only he were still with me.

People say, "You're so strong," like it's a gift, not something I built brick by brick when no one showed up.

This!

I know people mean well but I got sick of hearing it when I was crippled with exhaustion and felt like I couldn’t punch my way out of a wet paper bag!

I’m strong NOW. It takes time to recover.

Replying while I’m sat on a bench in Brixham after coming here alone for few days break from Hertfordshire. If there’s something I want to do I get on and do it. I’ve got more years behind me, than in front of me.

Wow I feel that was written for me. Very difficult sometimes, grown up children just don’t think about it, because I’ve always coped. So they imagine I always can.