Introducing myself

I know you feel you have lost half of yourself. My husband died in 2004 aged 47. Together we made a whole we where each others other half . But I look at it this way some people live their whole life and never find the other half of themselves. We are the lucky ones we had that and that's why it hurts so much. Grief hurts physically and mentally.

I meet my husband when I was 16 he was 18 I am disabled and in constant pain but he didn't care he wanted me . We had 29years and married 22 together he was the fit healthy one but he had cancer and died aged 47. But we knew from 2001 he wouldn't live 5 years .

I am glad you talk to your partner hopefully out loud . I have done it since the day after he died and still do . I have blamed him for dieing and leaving me ,swore at him and shouted this shouldn't be my life . Then I see him with that stupid grin on his face . But every Christmas when our grandsons have decorated my tree I see him standing by it . Christmas was his favourite time of the year.

Don't fight your tears let them flow . Grief in my experience doesn't get easier you just learn to cope. But I call the first 10years early grief . Even now bone crushing grief can hit me out of the blue so I just let the tears flow .. I don't know if the rage and anger has hit you but it's part of grief and it's not wrong . The rage and anger has never left me but it's what gets me out of bed every morning. It hit me few days after he died.

I didn't want to wash it brush my teeth but I did . My husband was a wiseman and knew what I needed to get through everyday and it was a series of a promises . The main one I couldn't do until I moved to the north west in 2019 when I was 61 and thats live the best life I can now I do . Before I existed had both parents and mother in law to look after . My home became a house my husband was my home . But moving to my bungalow have a home again .

I can't say the grief will get better as in my experience it gets worse as the years go by and my husband has missed so much . He was looking forward to being a grandad we have 5 grandson's.

To me I am still a Mrs and still a wife my husband was my one and only true love . My knight in slightly tarnished armour.

It's early days for you and have all the firsts to come . But I have found even the 20th was just as hard as the first . February it will be 22 years since he died same length of time we where married.

For 14 years I relieved the last 2 weeks of my husband's life and death it was like watching a black and white film . I never told the children. They usually text on the anniversary of his death but that year my daughter phoned and it all came out how I felt she said I should have told them . She told her brother he said the same thing . But like I told them I was protecting them they asked from what I said me . So I vowed I couldn't do that again on the 15th anniversary I only allowed myself to be a sobbing mess that day.

I still hate the empty side of the bed. First 8 months I slept cuddling a toy snowman he won at our GP surgery. Hope this makes you smile . He won the big hamper on the cancer ward raffle he said I am dieing suddenly I win things . He was a bugger my man he could make you believe black white was black . But he was mine.

We are atheists so had non religious funeral at the crem . No flowers but we raised over £5,000 for the cancer ward but it was treats for the patients . Set a limit of maximum of £50 per treat . But some people just wanted a box of chocolates, bottle of wine or spirit ,one wanted some perfume.,fan etc That money went a long way .

You believe you will be together again and you will be . But I think she will be annoyed if you don't live longer . She was your heart and your everything but she is still with you . Don't rush to get rid of her things . If she had a favourite perfume or something that she liked the smell off always have it in . My husband had eczema so nothing that smelt. I kept his pillows even though they had dried blood on because they smelt of him . I used to wear his jumper . And always knew if I had a bad night as I woke up on his pillows. Whatever you need hold onto if it gives you comfort.

I had a coat of my husband's in the a plastic bag hanging in his wardrobe that and his jumper only things I kept . Will my daughter sent his clothes to the charity shop. The coat lost it's smell and went mouldy but I couldn't get rid of it until I was decluttering ready to move .

Sorry this is disjointed but it's how mind works . There is no rules for grief and no time limit do and feel what is right for you . And don't try and be brave I did that as at 45 what did I know of bone crushing grief. I was a fool .

I ramble on but that's me . You are not alone . You have people here who knows how you feel. So post want ever you want nothing you feel is wrong . I am lonely but only for my husband . I found after the children left home for good 2 years after their dad died . I liked living on my own . I didn't have to pretend I was ok. The thought of being on my own for 30 years scary but I have never wanted anyone else . Still love living on my own . But my husband lives in in my heart and mind and what gives me comfort is our children and grandsons carry his DNA weird but that's me. 🌹

I want to thank you for your kind words. [ smile]

Welcome Davey bereavement is a strange thing it can come and go sometimes you feel ok and other times you feel youre drowning
There’s a lot of people on here who I m sure you will relate to
Keep finding something to do and when you say you ve no one to talk to try a chat with strangers nothing deep just little snippets to chat about
March is only 6 months away so it’s very fresh
Have you thought of bereavement counselling it can help
Volunteering is great for men as well as women and it helps by getting you thinking about others and helping is a good way of dispelling loneliness and you do make friends
Good luck I hope you learn to muddle through like most of us are doing

Welcome this is a good place to start you will hear from others who are grieving the loss of someone special. As suggested by olderme try to get out and meet other people. Walking is good for your health mental and physical and an easy way to get to know others.
You have wonderful memories to recall and smile about I think smiling lifts your spirits too. Get as much sleep as you can, eat well preparing and cooking meals will keep you occupied. I hope the dark cloud lifts and you have nice days ahead.

Hello, it's nice to hear from you. Grief is very tough. It does diminish over time, but it can spring back up in unexpected ways. It is very soon for you. I hope you can manage to get out as much as possible and try to meet others outside your home. It is difficult, but you will gradually feel the benefit. Most of all take care of yourself. Eat well too. It all helps.