Options for Mum's 'funeral'

When mum died in April we were in a similar situation. Mum only said that her funeral was to be strictly immediate family only. No cousins, nieces, nephews etc. We employed a celebrant and had a small service at the graveside. I picked three pieces of music, one for the start, one in the middle and one as we left. My daughter picked a poem and the celebrant spoke the eulogy. The music was Elvis, Perry Como and Queen, mum's favourites. Dad's ashes were buried with her.
We then as a family group of nine, went for afternoon tea at a local hotel to celebrate mum's life.
I hope that helps

We're going to have direct cremation, no attendance and no service. Any undertaker provides this.

I'd arrange a thankyou for her lovely befrienders/ carers ; perhaps lunch at a nice restaurant, or theatre tickets, or a spa day token. Some reciprocal pleasure of "care" , in memory of your Mum.

Talked to my mum the other week - she doesn’t want a funeral, straight from our lovely funeral director to the crem.
A standing joke in the family was that she would say ‘ I don’t want him/her at my funeral’!
Now we don’t need a bouncer at the door!
It’s so much more important to love and support people whilst they are with us.
As has been said have a ‘gathering’ to remember her and say thank you to those who have been important in her life.
I went to a cremation of a relative the other week and it was painful. The celebrant was not good IMO. I came away and decided I was going to write my own eulogy.

I ve paid for my very simple cremation and given advice no need for a ‘do’ we re a small family most already gone and my children and grandchildren are living in a variety of countries
If they want to have a tea or something after I ll leave a bit of money to accommodate that
I don’t like funerals

Thanks for your replies.
I think @butterandjam's suggestion of a direct cremation with no attendance and no service will be best, and I think that thanking Mum's lovely befrienders and carers in that way would be much more meaningful and appreciative than organising a service which they might feel obliged to attend. And I think actually Mum would prefer that too.
@PamelaJ1, I did think about a celebrant, but honestly, we all know about Mum's life, and really don't need someone who didn't know her to tell us about it. And you are quite right that caring for the living is so much more important.
Thanks for your comments everyone, you've put my mind at ease, so I can stop thinking about it until it's needed.

What did your mum do for your dad (if they were together)? If she mentioned a Christian service maybe you should honour that in some way? If not a full Christian funeral, some sort of blessing??

We had a celebrant at the local crematorium for my husband. It was basically immediate family and a couple of old friends but I was surprised (and pleased) that several neighbours came. The big surprise was a friend we hadn't seen for 20 years who had travelled up from Cornwall. He has since died so it was nice to see him

A friend died last year at 98. The immediate family had a small funeral. Near her birthday this summer I was invited to a celebration of her long life. Many friends were there as well as extended family and a wonderful presentation of the phases of her life, made by a family member was screened. There was also live music and food from her homeland, a truly joyous way for those who loved her to share memories.

That sounds perfect, Elrel

Funeral plans are for the living. Funerals should be what those grieving want. I would never presume to tell my family how they should grieve for me after my death. Even less would I sign up for instant cremation. However much your children may agree when you are living.In the grief that immediately follows your death,they may feel different.

I agree with Monica .
My brother died just after Christmas last year and had arranged a ‘Pure Cremation.’
I have found it quite difficult to as there has been no meet up, celebration of his life or whatever you want to call it. I realise that it is his, my sister in Law and niece and nephew prerogative to decide on this.
However I have arranged a small memorial of an engraved leaf and a donation to a hospice rose garden. I just feel rightly or wrongly that his life has not been acknowledged for the lovely person he was and his service to the community. I know that there are many people who would have wanted to pay their formal respect for him.

Did your mum lose her faith, or did she just not find it possible to go anymore? If the latter, and she had expressed a wish for a Christian funeral, then I think you should contact someone at the church she used to attend. They could attend the funeral director to offer prayers of commendation. Then you can go ahead with whatever preparations you are comfortable with.

Thanks for these comments.
@Elrel, that celebration of life sounds lovely, but apart from immediate family - maybe 15 of us - there's really no-one left who would want to make a big thing of it. If there were many people who might want to 'see her off' it might be different.
I didn't know that someone from the church could go to the funeral directors and do that @B9exchange. That would certainly satisfy the small illogical part of me that thinks, like @Cambsnan, that her wishes should be honoured, even if it means nothing to us. I don't think she lost her faith so much as it just became not part of her life any more, even before the dementia.

A friend who died from cancer requested a ‘garden party’ for her funeral. She had arranged a wicker casket and all friends and family attended dressed in summery clothes, a lovely buffet was served.
All who wished spoke of her and lovely memories were exchanged.

Then the coffin was taken to the crematorium,unaccompanied, as she requested.
It was a very cathartic gathering in memory of a lovely lady.