I lost my Dad recently and trying to help my Mum, advice needed

I am sorry that your father has died.

As to your mother it does sound as though her behaviour is simply an exaggeration of who she has always been, brought on by the stress of losing her spouse.

It sounds to me as though you are doing the right things by taking yourself out of the situation when things get heated.

It might be worth contacting CRUSE as they provide bereavement counselling and you could air the problem with your mother with them.

Do you know who is the executor of your father’s estate?
Sorry for your loss.
Do you know if you are executor for your father ‘s estate? If it is not you but your mother, be aware that she may be worrying about that burden.
Will there be housing problems? Immediate money problems? Any of these could be adding to the inevitable stress and grief.
Is there anyone else who can support her?
It is good that you are having some time apart just now.
Good advice from Luckygirl3.

So sorry about your Dad.

Grief takes many forms so stepping away as you are doing for a few days is the best thing to do. I wonder if Citizens Advice or your Mum's local church or library have information on any bereavement groups. It sounds as if you are an only child and like me had it all to do after Dad's death. This time will pass.

Sorry for you loss. But see how it goes on your next trip to see her? I think "tough love" is needed if it carries on. Tell her your grieving too and your just trying to help her , if she doesn't want it, tell her fine she can get on with it.
Grief or not there is only so much you can take, you need to be kind to yourself too.

So sorry, make sure you do take time out as you have said, and look after your own well being as well. Your mum will be in the depths of grief but then so are you, and if she has been like this prior to being bereaved I would advise you to help as much as you can but try to distance yourself at regular intervals, and do tell her about her behaviour, don’t just let her walk all over you because she has just lost your dad,
would provide her with the contact details of CRUSE as well as other helpful support groups, which you could use too, and keep conversation to a minimum whilst doing practical stuff.

I think you are doing the right thing to remove yourself (to another room - or to go out for a walk)

There’s an online support organisation that you could signpost for your Mum - WAYUP - chatting, sharing, anonymously online, lots of advice, empathy, support - emotional and practical. It might be too soon for your Mum, but when the time is right….

Also suggest an A4 sized notebook or similar - and jot down the lists of things to be done as they come to mind. Once written down they can be dealt with, maybe just a couple of jobs per day, but it reduces the mental load if it’s in the book I find and can be worked through methodically.

How sad for both of you. I can rmemeber only too well how difficult it was coping with all the formaalities when I was griefstricken when my parents died.

On a practical level. Age UK have a lot of factsheets that canhelp you deal with everything. Here is a link to that information www.ageuk.org.uk/services/information-advice/guides-and-factsheets/guides-about-death-and-dying/

Oh gosh. So sorry for your loss.
If I lost my husband of 36 years tomorrow, selfish though it would be, I think I would like to be left alone for a little while.

I loved that Basgetti...I do think though you might find 36 to 60 years a bit different, especially going from the 60's to present day.

I too want to be left alone, since I got home my Mum has called 3 x and text and whatsappd. All fine xx