House or home

I am sorry you lost your husband. I am glad he loved the home. Fix it so the next person can love it and you can find a wee bungalow. Or stay there. It might never feel like home with DH gone but at least you dont get wet when it rains. Call a GP for anti-depressants if you need them to function. I know you can show your GD strength and character.

Sending you some flowers 💐
When life gets too overwhelmingly loaded with grief we can drown in a river of sadness I wonder if you had any help or bereavement counselling 8 years ago or ‘ just on with things’ I think it could be very helpful instead of going for gp tablets to consider some talking therapies
The other thing is I know you won’t think you feel up to it but volunteering can give a huge boost you meet others it can be very uplifting and take your mind off things there are so many organisations that need people
About the house, it can be overwhelming, (I know believe me) your husband loved it I m sure his presence is still there so perhaps you can learn to love it too
The summers coming, get out in the sunshine with those little great grandkids and face the sunshine, it will help

Thank you. I do already volunteer and did have some counselling. I meet friends and walk my dogs and look after animals for other people. With childcare it looks as though my life is full but when I think about or have to return to dealing with the house on my own my mood just slumps. Thank you for the flowers. I am a qualified therapist and we are notoriously hard to help!

I write as another widow whose house sometimes feels overwhelming. But leaving it would feel like leaving my late DH as it's so full of memories.
But you say that your house doesn't feel like home any more. It seems you really need a new place to live that doesn't make you feel worried. Is it really impossible financially? Are there any almshouses nearby?
And by the way, well done leading your active life. Your daughter must be grateful for your childcare and perhaps would be able to help you move.
Good luck with making a move.

Yes Romola, that is a big reason for staying. My dh loved it so much and I have brilliant neighbours. I'd have to do all the repairs anyway to be able to sell it. Maybe when they are all done it will feel like home again. My thoughts are with everyone coping with problems without the one who made their lives a happy place

If it doesn’t feel like home I would seriously think about moving - not far, it is hard once you are on your own to make new friends or recreate the support circle of friends or family, but you do sound as if you need to create your space.
I am the opposite- also 8 years down the line I feel very secure and “comforted” in my own home.
I have made a very few changes - decorating etc- but while it is in no way a “shrine” I take comfort from continuing to live in the home we created.
But we are all different - you must do you - you have many years ahead of you, time to look forward.