Late husband's Birthday - what to do?

Macaydia yes, that’s how I feel too but today is his birthday and my heart hurts just a bit more thinking of all the happy times we celebrated and of all he has missed these past 11 years.

I am heartbroken and sad every hour of the day without my husband. On his birthday should I go sadder? It will just be another day - another passing of time without my best friend by my side. Every day will be the same sad day.

My late husband died before our daughter married and unfortunately did not meet his grandchildren . It was his birthday last Saturday. I took my soon to be 17 yr. old GD shopping for clothes by way of a birthday present. We had a great time and ended the day in a restaurant where there was a jazz band playing. He would have liked that.

Condolences to all who have lost their loved ones. Every loss is tough, but the loss of a child must be the toughest of all. I can’t imagine that 😢

Condolences to you ( and to all of you)

What did you do when he was still with you? Could you do this with friends a family. Did you make a special cake? Make it anyway, share it or eat it all - it's only once a year.

Try to make it a celebration rather than a sadness is all I can offer.

Perhaps going to his favourite restaurant or eat his favourite meal or listen to some of his favourite music or perhaps go to one of his hobby events. It's about celebrating the person. Remember all the fun times and quirky things he said.

I think to much emphasis is given to “dates” It’s just another day, of course you will remember your loved one as I’m sure you do everyday. I lost my husband suddenly 8 months ago, his birthday was a few months ago and Father’s Day is coming up but nothing will change… so just carry on the best you can.

My DH died 2 years ago. I bought a tree in his memory - a life for a life - in a memorial park. I visit often and ofcourse on those special occasions. His ashes are scattered under the tree. I go alone most times, and that’s ok - family and close friends come with me sometimes. It comforts me to see the young tree thriving. Sending love to all coping with bereavement

I always have white flowers in the house, as that’s what he liked, and DS and I toast him with a whiskey in the evening. Our two DD’s don’t live nearby, but they do the same in their homes

Sorry, obviously "think of her with love"... typo

A tough one for me as late husband's birthday was the same day as mine and also our wedding anniversary. I try to enjoy the day and I make a pilgrimage to our favourite place at the coast on the anniversary of his death, which fortunately is on a different date.

I'm lucky that my husband is still alive, but always think of my parents on their birthdays, not the days that they died. My father died well over 40 years ago and I suspect that I'm the only one who thinks of him now. My mother died 16 years ago and there is still a sinking feeling inside when I think of her, though I know that my own family think of him with love.

For me, it's the anniversary of his death that's difficult. This year will be the 4th and as usual, I shall arrange a treat for me, either a concert with a friend or I shall invite half a dozen friends for dinner.

Four years down the line, I always buy roses on his birthday - red and white (team colours) - and raise a glass of malt to him before the day ends. I tell him daily that I love him and always will. I know he would do the same and there’s some small solace in that. In three weeks time it would have been our 60th anniversary. I pride myself that I am getting on with my life, but I know I will never have certainty again.

Doodle

I have a selection of cards we sent to each other over the years,
At Christmas I put up cards from both of us. Valentine’s Day the same and our wedding anniversary. On his birthday I will put up a card I’ve sent to him and ones from our sons and grandchildren and on my birthday I put up a card he’s sent me.
I will probably go to the hospice where he died as it’s a beautiful peaceful place and I visit for a chat to him.
The family will share a toast to him in the evening with one of his favourite wines.

what a lovely idea with the cards.

There are just two weeks between my late husband celebrating with a picnic in our pandemic ‘bubbles’ and him having another picnic on the day he died, suddenly and totally unexpectedly. So I do a picnic for myself or other family members who are off work that day. He loved a long long walk, climbing trees and then a picnic. Family who can’t come send me lovely flowers and I get messages too. Other than the picnics I don’t really do anything else but all day I am aware of the significance. After 53 years it can’t be any different and I wouldn’t want it to be. We do what we’re comfortable with without going to extremes.
On his first anniversary of losing him I arranged to meet up with our friends. Big mistake, they bickered like children so I never did that again.

same here, 2 years ago, married 56 years, i just put up a card, and go out somewhere

Thank you.

MissAdventure

Significant dates pass by unnoticed, it seems, for me.
I used to get texts, but its not realistic to think I can intrude on other people's lives after 7 years.
I buy a little bunch of flowers and stand them beside my daughters photo.

MissAdventure 💐

I would either cook a favourite meal or book his favourite place to eat with those close to you.

Significant dates pass by unnoticed, it seems, for me.
I used to get texts, but its not realistic to think I can intrude on other people's lives after 7 years.
I buy a little bunch of flowers and stand them beside my daughters photo.

AuntieE - I often think that as well - my dad died when I was 21 and my mum when I was 32. It was devastating for me as we were so close, but my little family pulled me through it. Had to carry on for my little 9 month old baby girl, and my husband supported me all the way. And now I function well knowing I was lucky to have such a happy childhood thanks to them. They will never be forgotten, and the years fly by. But losing a spouse also means losing the future you thought you had. I find some comfort that it is not him having to carry the burden of grief, so I will carry it for both of us.

My late husband was called David!

I agree with you that spending time remembering the good times is what he would have wanted too.

I do visit the grave most months, birthday of course, take flowers from her garden if possible, and spend a few moments to reflect on the good times.
It's what she would have wanted

I don't really do anything different. Sometimes my DDs arrive and take me down to the grave to put some flowers, but if they don't that's OK by me. I know he is not forgotten.