Death admin

My husband died recently and I had to deal with Probate. I did the Tell Us Once forms and got enough death certificates and gathered all the information in a file but I found it very difficult even though it was a simple will. I am used to laws and dealing with admin but it seems that every time I filled in one form it seems to produce another 2 forms to fill in, often with contradictory advice. With the grief and having to cope with all the paperwork and care for an elderly aunt I eventually gave in and handed it over to my solicitor. It is costly but I thought my mental health was more important. I cared for my dear husband with dementia for 5 yrs without help and was exhausted. I’m sure I would have made a mistake.

I sorted all my parents affairs when they died. I was advised by a friend who had fallen foul of it to keep the executors bank account open long past when I thought everything was sorted.
It was good advice, I kept finding additional things that had to go in for a long time after. She had received a cheque in her deceased relatives name long after she had closed the account and had nowhere to deposit it.
One insurance company I rang assured me there was no policy outstanding but as the property took so long to sort during Covid I received paperwork, in the post to the property, 6 months later that referred to an outstanding policy !!

All our sincere condolences and we are very sorry for your loss.

I had our bilingual Spanish and English speaking lawyer assist us and he connected us to a colleague who was French Speaking and English Speaking.

Luckily the paperwork was all orderly and the will as well.

When I was bereaved last year I was advised only to get one death certificate as everything is online now and paper copies are not needed.It sounds as if some people here are finding that not to be correct for everything.

In this area the Citizens Advice is very limited and does not help with anything like this. The Social Prescriber, attached to the GP Practice can be helpful.

My big issue was not knowing passwords, as everything is online now. I could not get into his phone or any of his accounts. I recommend telling someone your passwords.

When my DH died years ago, the biggest problem was the mortgage lender and employer being difficult and it took months of argument for them to pay out what they should.

So sorry for your loss.
My friend is having a dreadful time trying to sort out her husbands estate. He was a dreadful hoarder and kept every financial dealing he had a secret. She even found 6 jars of predecimal coins. Sadly he had a terminal illness and refused to sort things before he died, even his computer password. His answer every time she asked was "you can sort it when I die." Such a dreadful mess for her to untangle.

Tell me Once notified Mr i’s pension provider, despite which they paid his pension. It took four months for them to sort it out. During that time I had aggressive demands to repay that month and absolute refusal to give me any indication of my income from that pension. They demanded my marriage certificate, stressing a copy wouldn’t be accepted. It was as I refused to send the original

Sadmin is what my friend calls it as well FGT

Just an aside but I recently had to telephone a couple of financial institutions re account queries. When the inevitable press 1 for etc came on, I noticed the first one mentioned was for bereavement matters . That is really thoughtful I felt so the bereaved person didn’t have to listen though a long list of options. When I did my husbands probate etc I found huge variations in how institutions and organisations responded.

It took me 3 months, start to finish. I aimed for one task a day at the start. Every time I accomplished something made me feel in control and knowledgeable which gave me confidence.

I found Tell Us Once fantastic. It informs all government departments directly - passport office, state pension, DVLA etc. 19 in all. It is not available in Scotland. How do you cope up there without it? 🤷‍♀️

Two weeks ago there were payments into what is now ‘my bank’ (no longer joint) from Himself’s private pension providers. With payment arrears backdated to his death in February. Himself said I’d get 50% of his work pensions, however the Trustees of the American company he worked for decided to be more generous which was an unexpected surprise.

Anyway I’m all done now.

Our eldest daughter called it ‘sadmin’ which I felt described the whole process very well.

We used to have a joint account. I never fussed looking at it. I used to joke “You do the bills and I’ll do the roast potatoes”. As a team we worked well. It’s been a steep learning curve for me. I now know the amounts going out by direct debit for utilities, Councillor Tax etc. something I never involved myself in before. Hey ho.

Stating the obvious but do it in small bursts. Dont expect to get through it all quickly, or you will suffer health wise probably. Expect it also to be emotionally draining and filter in time to switch off. This isn’t something to do in one big swoop just as grief isn’t.

The Registrar was very helpful when my husband died. She went through Tell Us Once with me, worked out how many copies of the death certificate I would need, and cancelled his passport and blue badge. Most of what we had was in both our names so it was just a matter of removing his name and carrying on as usual.

That’s not cheating, Batty. Using a lawyer is a service people choose to pay for, if they wish. I could do it that way but the charges here are v high, plus I want to do as much as possible myself, for various reasons.

I’ll use a solicitor if I get ‘stuck’ and I’m definitely going to continue to use dh’s accountant, who are very helpful and not expensive.

Batty24

I guess I ‘cheated’. When DH died I literally picked up every scrap of paper we had and shoved them in a bag and went to the solicitor. He kindly sat and sorted it into three piles. One for him to deal with, one for an IFA to deal with and one I could opt to deal with if I wanted - such as gas and electric, or the solicitor would do it for me.
I went with one pile for each of us.

It’s not cheating . It was your way of dealing with it. Whatever works in your own set of circumstances.

I guess I ‘cheated’. When DH died I literally picked up every scrap of paper we had and shoved them in a bag and went to the solicitor. He kindly sat and sorted it into three piles. One for him to deal with, one for an IFA to deal with and one I could opt to deal with if I wanted - such as gas and electric, or the solicitor would do it for me.
I went with one pile for each of us.

Probably a llot depends on how complicated the estate is, whether or not the person left a Will. I dealt with DH estate, did all the work for confirmation of estate for Court. The worst and most frustrating part was trying to Amazon from DHs name into mine. Even though I had access whilst he was alive I could not have a/c transferred. If closed I'd lose access to photos. Decided to just change communication into my email and it works fine.
Do keep a diary to help with dates you did what, spoke with whoever as matters can get confusing if not complicated.

Cabbie21

It is hard work.
As well as the usual stuff, my DH had all sorts of subscriptions, some not easy to trace as all records were online. A couple which I only discovered after a few months were paid for via PayPal but I had already closed that account. It took a huge number of messages and calls to sort it all out. I kept his phone and email accounts open for several months to make sure nothing was missed.

On a lighter note, when the time came to sell his two ipads and two mobiles which were still fairly new, my grandson, then 18, came with me to the shop, Cex, which buys and sells such things. He said, “ We’ll go together, Granny. If you go on your own, they might try and rip you off. If I go alone, they’ll think I stole them.”

Ahh how thoughtful of him 😊

Pia56. I am currently dealing with my dh’s estate. His will is straightforward but still challenging to do. The forms and notes I printed out came to 36 pages! It has to be done on paper because in Scotland, if you do it online you have to complete it in one session, you can’t save it and return to it later. There’s an enormous amount of information to input and I know I won’t be able to do it on one day.

I didn’t find Tell Us Once all that good, they were quick to stop payments but slow to respond otherwise. Also, they don’t inform DVLA, I had to do that myself. Also they took eight weeks to transfer ownership.

My priority was making sure I had enough money to live on before moving on to other things. Even yesterday, after ten weeks, I had five items in the post with admin to do, it’s endless. I tell myself that even one task a day is whittling away at the pile.

I hope you manage to get through it all as easily as possible.

You might find a book, just published, of use. It is called Get Ahead of Being Dead, written by Evie King. I think it is actually intended to be used before we die ourselves, but might have some useful info for your situation as well. I have had to do death admin both for my late husband and mother so I sympathise, just take it step by step and you'll get through it.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Pia. May I suggest the Citizen's Advice Bureau? While I could have coped easily, currently my head is in turmoil following my husband's cardiac arrest and resultant brain damage. I need to complete many documents to access carers post hospital etc. The CAB are so helpful - I could not be more grateful. Does anyone have good outcomes to tell me of those who have survived a cardiac arrest? I really could do with some positive news. Good luck, Pia.

You probably know this already but make sure you have a few copies of the death certificate as some institutions will insist on an original rather than a copy. They should tell you this when you register the death. One of DH’s pension providers managed to lose the first one I sent to them and wouldn’t accept a copy. And ‘yes’ to Tell Us Once - an excellent service.

Love your grandson Cabbie21

No advice to offer Pia56 but I do send my condolences .

Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions, everyone! Such helpful information provided. Thinking of you all. Great that there are forums like this that can make that grieving process that little bit more manageable.

It is hard work.
As well as the usual stuff, my DH had all sorts of subscriptions, some not easy to trace as all records were online. A couple which I only discovered after a few months were paid for via PayPal but I had already closed that account. It took a huge number of messages and calls to sort it all out. I kept his phone and email accounts open for several months to make sure nothing was missed.

On a lighter note, when the time came to sell his two ipads and two mobiles which were still fairly new, my grandson, then 18, came with me to the shop, Cex, which buys and sells such things. He said, “ We’ll go together, Granny. If you go on your own, they might try and rip you off. If I go alone, they’ll think I stole them.”

When dealing with my father's estate I found it helpful to have a detailed notebook listing dates and information every time I contacted someone or they contacted me- including names etc of everyone I spoke with. Then marked as "completed" when it was. It helped me keep track of everything. It's very easy to have a phone conversation with someone and then 2 weeks later forget all the details.
Also unless you are the sole beneficiary keep a note of ALL the expenses you incur. You might think this doesn't matter but they will mount up. You cannot charge for tine you spend but you can for postage, mileage etc

Jaxjacky

Look into Tell Us Once you can notify government departments - pensions, benefits etc in one go.
I wish you luck and my condolences.

This. Don’t forget subscriptions. Library membership, gym membership, etc, they don’t do all that.