Death admin

Hi l am so sorry for your loss. I lost my parents 4&5 years ago and sorting their estate out was overwhelming at times, while grieving.
I found that having a note book and writing down everything that needed doing, I tried to put everything in order of priority, then crossed it off when done. Try not to do too much at the same time. I found focusing on each thing individually rather than all at once helped me.

First i got together all the relevant paperwork i made a list of banks,pensions,utilities,insurances etc. Is there a will? Family that need informing? Property?
I dealt with the bank first then worked through the list informing people, finding out if there are outstanding bills to be paid.
Its a lot to consider but if you are methodical you will get through it.

Look into Tell Us Once you can notify government departments - pensions, benefits etc in one go.
I wish you luck and my condolences.

Yes to getting it all together first and then writing a prioritised list. To avoid getting overwhelmed, I had a target of two tasks a day. I grouped the tasks in the different categories - financial, personal etc

Sorry to hear of your loss.
Ageuk as a good check list of what to do when someone dies.

I did all the paperwork when my Dad passed away a few years ago, managed to get it all sorted fairly easily. Did the Probate myself. Used the Tell us Once service and made personal visits to bank/BS. My only difficulty was proving who I was, I do not have any form of photo ID. But got that solved and plain sailing then.
Cleared house, sold it then settled utilities and finally sorted his will. All done in 6 months. Kept a notebook of all transactions.

The admin after my husbands death was very stressful. I completed the tell Me Once forms but frankly it was chaotic. Phoning the DPP like a dark comedy. Id phone, the line would be answered a recorded message would tell me how busy they were, I’d hold on and wait 15 or 20 mins for the call to be answered. On several occasions I was told I’d called the wrong department, no id say, I have my lap t open and this is the correct number. No, it’s changed you’ll have to find the right number

So, I kept two hours in the morning clear to work through my to do list. I did the admin when my parents died easily. My husband’s was more of a challenge despite us having done a good plan

Lots of good advice here. I am dealing with my late mother’s estate and have found the bank bereavement services on line very helpful. My mother’s local branch didn’t want to know, said all bereavement services now on line.
I have engaged a solicitor to deal with Probate as the Will is not very straightforward.
I agree, it is hard dealing with paperwork and grieving too.
Why not get a good friend or relative you trust to help?

Jaxjacky

Look into Tell Us Once you can notify government departments - pensions, benefits etc in one go.
I wish you luck and my condolences.

This. Don’t forget subscriptions. Library membership, gym membership, etc, they don’t do all that.

When dealing with my father's estate I found it helpful to have a detailed notebook listing dates and information every time I contacted someone or they contacted me- including names etc of everyone I spoke with. Then marked as "completed" when it was. It helped me keep track of everything. It's very easy to have a phone conversation with someone and then 2 weeks later forget all the details.
Also unless you are the sole beneficiary keep a note of ALL the expenses you incur. You might think this doesn't matter but they will mount up. You cannot charge for tine you spend but you can for postage, mileage etc

It is hard work.
As well as the usual stuff, my DH had all sorts of subscriptions, some not easy to trace as all records were online. A couple which I only discovered after a few months were paid for via PayPal but I had already closed that account. It took a huge number of messages and calls to sort it all out. I kept his phone and email accounts open for several months to make sure nothing was missed.

On a lighter note, when the time came to sell his two ipads and two mobiles which were still fairly new, my grandson, then 18, came with me to the shop, Cex, which buys and sells such things. He said, “ We’ll go together, Granny. If you go on your own, they might try and rip you off. If I go alone, they’ll think I stole them.”

Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions, everyone! Such helpful information provided. Thinking of you all. Great that there are forums like this that can make that grieving process that little bit more manageable.

No advice to offer Pia56 but I do send my condolences .

Love your grandson Cabbie21

You probably know this already but make sure you have a few copies of the death certificate as some institutions will insist on an original rather than a copy. They should tell you this when you register the death. One of DH’s pension providers managed to lose the first one I sent to them and wouldn’t accept a copy. And ‘yes’ to Tell Us Once - an excellent service.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Pia. May I suggest the Citizen's Advice Bureau? While I could have coped easily, currently my head is in turmoil following my husband's cardiac arrest and resultant brain damage. I need to complete many documents to access carers post hospital etc. The CAB are so helpful - I could not be more grateful. Does anyone have good outcomes to tell me of those who have survived a cardiac arrest? I really could do with some positive news. Good luck, Pia.

You might find a book, just published, of use. It is called Get Ahead of Being Dead, written by Evie King. I think it is actually intended to be used before we die ourselves, but might have some useful info for your situation as well. I have had to do death admin both for my late husband and mother so I sympathise, just take it step by step and you'll get through it.

Pia56. I am currently dealing with my dh’s estate. His will is straightforward but still challenging to do. The forms and notes I printed out came to 36 pages! It has to be done on paper because in Scotland, if you do it online you have to complete it in one session, you can’t save it and return to it later. There’s an enormous amount of information to input and I know I won’t be able to do it on one day.

I didn’t find Tell Us Once all that good, they were quick to stop payments but slow to respond otherwise. Also, they don’t inform DVLA, I had to do that myself. Also they took eight weeks to transfer ownership.

My priority was making sure I had enough money to live on before moving on to other things. Even yesterday, after ten weeks, I had five items in the post with admin to do, it’s endless. I tell myself that even one task a day is whittling away at the pile.

I hope you manage to get through it all as easily as possible.

Cabbie21

It is hard work.
As well as the usual stuff, my DH had all sorts of subscriptions, some not easy to trace as all records were online. A couple which I only discovered after a few months were paid for via PayPal but I had already closed that account. It took a huge number of messages and calls to sort it all out. I kept his phone and email accounts open for several months to make sure nothing was missed.

On a lighter note, when the time came to sell his two ipads and two mobiles which were still fairly new, my grandson, then 18, came with me to the shop, Cex, which buys and sells such things. He said, “ We’ll go together, Granny. If you go on your own, they might try and rip you off. If I go alone, they’ll think I stole them.”

Ahh how thoughtful of him 😊

Probably a llot depends on how complicated the estate is, whether or not the person left a Will. I dealt with DH estate, did all the work for confirmation of estate for Court. The worst and most frustrating part was trying to Amazon from DHs name into mine. Even though I had access whilst he was alive I could not have a/c transferred. If closed I'd lose access to photos. Decided to just change communication into my email and it works fine.
Do keep a diary to help with dates you did what, spoke with whoever as matters can get confusing if not complicated.

I guess I ‘cheated’. When DH died I literally picked up every scrap of paper we had and shoved them in a bag and went to the solicitor. He kindly sat and sorted it into three piles. One for him to deal with, one for an IFA to deal with and one I could opt to deal with if I wanted - such as gas and electric, or the solicitor would do it for me.
I went with one pile for each of us.

Batty24

I guess I ‘cheated’. When DH died I literally picked up every scrap of paper we had and shoved them in a bag and went to the solicitor. He kindly sat and sorted it into three piles. One for him to deal with, one for an IFA to deal with and one I could opt to deal with if I wanted - such as gas and electric, or the solicitor would do it for me.
I went with one pile for each of us.

It’s not cheating . It was your way of dealing with it. Whatever works in your own set of circumstances.

That’s not cheating, Batty. Using a lawyer is a service people choose to pay for, if they wish. I could do it that way but the charges here are v high, plus I want to do as much as possible myself, for various reasons.

I’ll use a solicitor if I get ‘stuck’ and I’m definitely going to continue to use dh’s accountant, who are very helpful and not expensive.

The Registrar was very helpful when my husband died. She went through Tell Us Once with me, worked out how many copies of the death certificate I would need, and cancelled his passport and blue badge. Most of what we had was in both our names so it was just a matter of removing his name and carrying on as usual.

Stating the obvious but do it in small bursts. Dont expect to get through it all quickly, or you will suffer health wise probably. Expect it also to be emotionally draining and filter in time to switch off. This isn’t something to do in one big swoop just as grief isn’t.