Death admin

I agree with all of the above. Having several family members who are IT literate, that was a great help (son-in-law spent one afternoon just getting details changed on Sky,and got me a new cheaper contract at the same time!). Surely dealing with all this paperwork must be one of Dante's circles of hell, I had no such difficulties dealing with my mum's paperwork in 1999 and there were real people on the line, too!

Doing this at the moment for my mum.

Take it in stages

One task at a time to save becoming overwhelmed.

Sorry for your loss Best wishes

SueDonim

Nicola Sturgeon didn’t know what was going on financially with her husband so it can happen to any of us.

I don’t think bringing politics into this thread is acceptable or appropriate. Most, if not all of us posting on here , including you have been significantly bereaved and there’s no politics in that.

Nicola Sturgeon didn’t know what was going on financially with her husband so it can happen to any of us.

Georgesgran

I found it all quite simple, but I’d handled our home and financial admin for years and was fully aware of banks/pensions, etc. It absolutely astounds and annoys me when widows have no idea what’s where.

No probate, as we had most of the savings in my name. DH was ill for 5 years and although optimistic at first, later had moved his things around to make things easier should (and I add, when) the worst happened.
I probably shouldn’t have sold his vehicle, but I took a death certificate and copy of his will with me and a company viewed and bought it just a few days after he died. It was only going to be a liability.
I also found that if I said ‘bereavement’ or selected that option, I was answered promptly and with compassion. Virgin sent me a cheque on closing his ISAs, but on depositing it in person, I did get a very odd comment.

Kept records, but had no problems.

I too find it hard when women back away from any financial knowledge regarding the life they have with a partner. No doubt there are those who refuse to share the knowledge and are intimidating, but several friends have, over the years, commented 'I leave that all to him'. Two of those dismissive friends have found themselves completely at sea when the inevitable happened. One had never paid a bill, which was remarkable.

Some years ago when I was an advice worker, a lady booked an appointment at her son’s suggestion to get help with a Pension Credit claim. She was probably entitled to it but she needed to state her precise financial situation. She brought me a huge bag full of paperwork. I spent the whole appointment just sorting it out- bank statements, tax codes, council tax bills, gas bills, all jumbled up, not even sorted according to year or type. She said her husband took care of all that, but he had recently died. She hadn’t a clue.
Everyone should have some idea of their income and outgoings, even if the day to day work is handled by their other half.

Not you FGT but I’ve friends who don’t know who is their energy provider, nor who insures their houses or cars, or even if there’s any life insurance. One acquaintance opened an ISA years ago and has just discovered her DH has built up £100K in it! Future school fees for their (5yr old) grandson apparently!
However, I shouldn’t be sexist as my late friend hid money all over the house and her widower is still finding it 3 years on. He had to ask me to help him renew his motability car, as she’d always done everything for him.
Another had no idea he’d inherit part of his wife’s pension and said he had ‘no idea where all the money was coming from’.

Just makes it all a bit easier if you know, for when that awful day comes?

Please don’t be astounded or annoyed with us widows who took our eye off the ball finance wise Georgesgran.

We had joint bank accounts so it was very straightforward just to change them into my name only.

I knew all the on line open sesame digits just didn’t need to check. Himself did the admin and bills I did the roast potatoes - we were a team and it worked for us.

Sure I had to access all sorts of utilities/council tax etc but going through it all at my own pace it was all quite doable.

Strangely enough, our two daughters both in their late 40s now have always been the spreadsheet queens in their own households! 😁

First question: Does your local Citizens Advice Bureau have a set list of what is needed and why? Or your local probate office?
Second question: Do you have all the bank accounts to hand with statements going back a few years? These are an excellent place to start as you can start to untangle the different payments and receipts.

It is over three years since DH died and his estate is still mot fully wound up, though the remaining tricky issue should be sorted by August. It has been hard work, the paperwork being the easy part. Accounts “ hidden” online was a pain, but clearing all his stuff ( still not quite complete) has been so difficult. But this year has been a time for me to really move forward with my own new life.

I found it all quite simple, but I’d handled our home and financial admin for years and was fully aware of banks/pensions, etc. It absolutely astounds and annoys me when widows have no idea what’s where.

No probate, as we had most of the savings in my name. DH was ill for 5 years and although optimistic at first, later had moved his things around to make things easier should (and I add, when) the worst happened.
I probably shouldn’t have sold his vehicle, but I took a death certificate and copy of his will with me and a company viewed and bought it just a few days after he died. It was only going to be a liability.
I also found that if I said ‘bereavement’ or selected that option, I was answered promptly and with compassion. Virgin sent me a cheque on closing his ISAs, but on depositing it in person, I did get a very odd comment.

Kept records, but had no problems.

Sorry to hear this; I’m currently sorting out my dad’s estate (mum died in 2021).
Buy a large notebook and write everything down.
Dad’s estate is big so I wrote a list of everyone I needed to contact etc worked through it.
I have had to pay IHT, which was nightmare, and am currently waiting for probate to be granted, nearly nine months after dad died.
I’ve had periods of not sleeping and waking in a panic, and have only managed to keep going by learning to compartmentalise and almost physically tell myself that “I’m not thinking about you atm” and visualise myself moving something to a box 🙄
Sounds whacky but it works. Also helpful is coming to terms with the fact that everything takes much longer than you think and life has to go on whilst you wait because certain things are completely out of your hands.

It's so hard, at the most difficult time of life you have to deal with the most complicated of procedures. I wrote lists and basically just ploughed my way through. I made sure I did something every day and made notes as I went along. I used a calendar to note dates of follow-ups and took names of people who I dealt with. It also made me create a folder with details of everything for my next of kin so that it's as simple as possible. I've also been decluttering.

I was 54 when my husband died 19 years ago and still working as a nurse . I had always done all our admin and finances anyway so was aware of who I needed to contact .
Least help were Virgin TV and most helpful were O2 who his mobile phone was with .
I used the Tell us Once service but as he was still working when he died there was no pension in place . I also remember being advised to apply for Bereavement Allowance which at the time was £1000 and £90 monthly for twelve months , but I don’t know if that was for pre-retired widows or if everyone gets it .

Apologies
The Registrar gave me that misinformation 4 months ago then.

I’m glad you have access to it in Scotland too.

@FriedGreen Tomatoes "*I found Tell Us Once fantastic. It informs all government departments directly - passport office, state pension, DVLA etc. 19 in all. It is not available in Scotland. How do you cope up there without it?*"

This is inaccurate.

Tell Us Once has been available in Scotland for many years, I used it when helping elderly neighbout to register a death. When I made our appointment, the Registrar told me about TUO, and what documents we needed to bring for it. Very easy and smooth.

Can I ask - how did you solve the problem of not having any photo id?

Sheba I am curious how you got an executor's account. When my DH died, years back, I was told by both mine and his banks that banks no longer provide those. It would have been easier if I had been able to open one.

I did the admin for both my parents although my Dad was easier as I already had power of attorney and had already dealt with most things as he was in care with advanced dementia - little and often I found best and keeping a log of tasks done, in progress and yet to start. It's amazing what does get forgotten - I had to sell my Dad's house before he passed to pay care home fees - 5 years later the lady who bought it tracked me down to say my Dad was receiving letters from NS&I - it transpired he had several small premium bond wins which were passed to me. I never found any NS&I certificates so had no idea he had them. I did find all the people I had to speak to to explain about my parents passing were very kind, helpful and friendly - it's a horrible job to do but it does in my experience bring out the best in people on the other end of a phone.

Condolences for your loss.

Get at least 4 copies of the certificate.

The registry office should have told you about "Tell me once" that allows you to notify a lot of the public sector organisations just the once without certificate.

Your bank will have a bereavement section who will also help. Ask them to find accounts - if you shared accounts, they will automatically be yours in total. They will be able, if there are funds, to release money for funeral expenses - just send them the bills.

If your deceased still has a mortgage, then tell them and let them deal with it, because they will have been life insured.

Pia56 Spreadsheets or at least meticulous notes with times and dates and who you spoke to and what was the outcome

Cabbie 21. you have a very street wise grandson!

I dealt with Probate first, as I do not live in the UK and here it is a legal requirement to get in touch with Probate whilst makingI the funeral arrangements - actually the undertaker took care of that notification for me.

Then I concentrated on notifying my sisters-in-law and close friends of my husband's death and after the funeral, which took place five days after his death, I notified his bank, the penson's office, had insurance policies in his name alter to my name, for the house etc. cancelled his accident policy, magazine subscribtions etc. (unfortunately there will be bound to be something on the list that you have totally forgotten about.

No-one will bite your head off because you have forgotten to cancel a subscription, so deal with that list as and when you feel you can. Legal business such as notifying the bank etc. need sto be done first.

Take time to grieve, feel tired, overwhelmed or whatever else you are feeling right now. I am very sorry for your loss, and hope all the good advice given on the thread helps.

I recently had to do the administration after losing my DH 10 weeks ago. Straightforward will, but complicated a little because he did not die in the UK, although this is our home. Probate was required for his private pension and some investments. The probate office, after I had done everything online still asked lots of questions about residency, said I had to fill in different forms. After sending them a very detailed e mail they finally got the message and the first application was accepted.
I found like others that making a list then allocating a notebook page to each organisation I managed to keep it organised. Only attempted a couple of tasks each morning, as I found i had a clearer head then. I think I treated it like being back at work (previously Secretary and then Project Manager) each morning and somehow it seemed not quite so personal and I didn't get too emotional (saved that for later if you see what i mean
Its all done now and thats a great relief. I found the banks and pension bereavement services very kind and helpful.
Unfortunately now that's all done I do have more time when I simply don't know what to do with myself, even though I know that keeping myself busy eases things a little. I miss him so much

Sorry for your loss. I’ve had to deal with my dad’s stuff when he died in 2014 and my mother’s in 2023. I had to sort out her house and contents which I sold at auction. Lots of paperwork and both their wills. As others have said, make a list and do one thing at a time, otherwise it will become overwhelming. Take a deep breath and keep as calm as you can.