Did anyone else feel completely lost as an executor?

I was executor for my dad’s estate along with my two siblings, but did most of it myself as I’m local . We did use a solicitor as it was a bit complicated. And it was worth it . It was very stressful especially as I was dealing with my grief and my mothers .
I’m very sorry for your loss 💐

MT62

I am executor to my mums estate & I am not looking forward to it one bit when the time comes.
Purely because I haven’t the same energy, or confidence as I once had.
My aunt asked me would I do the honour of being executor for her estate. In a word, no I said, I don’t think so.
I think it’s a thankless task.

Plus she lives miles away.

I am executor to my mums estate & I am not looking forward to it one bit when the time comes.
Purely because I haven’t the same energy, or confidence as I once had.
My aunt asked me would I do the honour of being executor for her estate. In a word, no I said, I don’t think so.
I think it’s a thankless task.

Don't beat yourself up about this. I did probate a number of years ago and found it straightforward. Fast forward to last year and it was such a different experience doing DF's. Nothing seemed to go right even though it shouldn't have been complicated. Things like having notifying HMRC to cancel his state pension which they didn't do and resulted in phone call after phone call trying to speak to them. It was upsetting when they later sent a letter demanding the overpaid which I received on what would have been his birthday. His bank closed his account in error and refused to reopen it so his funds are in my name now and am worried about any tax implications for me when his assets are finally distributed. If ever asked again to be an executor it will be a definite no.

14 month in and I’m totally lost. Not stupid or thick just this ailien area of probate. We have engaged a solicitor and I feel they’ve been slow and hopeless. We’re now eventually on the road to getting the house sold🤞but I won’t hold my breath. Hope I never have to do this again.

I am not a naturally assertive person but ended up shouting at a bank manager when I was dealing with my dad's estate! I had failed to take a particular document when going in to close an account. When she said that they assumed people knew to take it my response (very loudly) was "You shouldn't assume, I'm dealing with this on my own and I don't know what I'm doing".

Both my parents died young and in both cases, although I was the only child, I was not appointed as executor. I think it was to spare me the grief in more ways than one. Solicitors and accountants dealt with some complicated matters, like property and investments abroad, so I was thankful not to be involved. It made tell my own children to use a solicitor when my time comes and not to tackle it themselves.

I'm sorry for your loss Confused123 and I can understand how overwhelming it might be.

Yep. Which I why I’ve always used a solicitor. 5 estates dealt with so far and still non the wiser on how it all works.

Good answer,Tuliptree.
I navigated the unfamiliar task alone, though I did have two other executors to consult over any major decisions if I needed to. Fortunately they and another close relative, a beneficiary, were co-operative at all times, though I did all the work as they live at a distance.
I learned as I went along. It gives you something to focus on.

There is a lot of help online, especially a Sticky in MoneySavingExpert’s Forum, in the Deaths, Wills and Probate section, and a helpful number of knowledgeable contributors who will answer any questions that arise as you work through the process.
I also had half an hour free advice from a solicitor at the outset. This was invaluable. I did Probate myself, but used him to write a new will for me, and to deal with the property. I used both occasions to ask him some additional questions.

One tip he gave me may be worth sharing.
Think of the assets of the estate as a bowl of fruit: apples, oranges, grapes etc.
ie representing property, cash, chattels
(= items of value, eg furniture, jewellery, collectibles, car etc).
As long as everyone has their fair share of the assets according to the terms of the will, it doesn’t matter whether they are given/ choose apples, grapes or oranges.

Currently I am seeing a lot of adverts on Facebook for a folder you can buy which helps a living person to leave their affairs and paperwork in good order, a great help to-their family/ Executor when they die. I haven’t bought one but am working my way through my paperwork anyway.

I think you should be kinder to yourself - it really doesn’t matter if other people coped really well ( but with a close bereavement I guess many didn’t) I can only speak for myself as executor for my DH. Sometimes, doing the tasks was a distraction, sometimes it almost felt that if I only sorted it all out, everything would be fine again and somehow that would chase the grief away. Sometimes mistakes I or others made were an outlet for sobs which of course had nothing to do with the the mistake or problem. On the whole most people were fine ( except my DH’s pension provider but my MP really stepped up to the plate)
I did know what to do ( previous experience) and didn’t need anyone else to help in fact, it would have made it worse as I would have lost some control. I talked through investment decisions with a close friend as payments arrived and that was helpful to have a sounding board.
But nothing is ‘normal’ with significant loss and its associated tasks. That’s ok - it’s your loss and your grief

Sorry about typos!

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Secondly, I was sole executor for both parents and I used a solicitor.

Will you be able to afford this?

I did part of the work first. I contacted all the financial institutions first. Including both state and private pensions, and sent them copies of the death certificate and has any bank accounts frozen.

Then dealt with any household things.

Then did probate via solicitor.

This is because I was still in full time work and simply couldn’t face trawling through all the probate paperwork.

However, it isn’t hat hard to do. If you have the time and patience and another person to just cast an eye over it.

Don’t worry, it’s not as awful as it first looks.

Lots of online help too.

Good luck Xx