Did anyone else feel completely lost as an executor?

I’m sole executor for my dad who died last October. I’m not finding the process difficult but the time wasting and lack of communication is awful.
I had all the valuations, including property, at my accountant’s by the beginning of January.
It then took seven months to agree and pay the tax (one institution dragged their heels for weeks).
Probate was finally applied for six weeks ago and then last week someone queried the valuation of a property so I’ve had a day of producing more paperwork.. including photographs.
To rub salt into the wound I have to pay the second half of his on account self assessment by the end of July so that my accountant can do the return and get a refund 😄

Not directly answering the original question, but I would like to make the point that it is highly desirable to appoint family members as executors. Even if the executors hand over all the work to a (well reviewed) solicitor, it is a huge advantage for there to be a live client overseeing matters. Where banks or solicitors are the actual executors, they have no client to exercise control, and their fees and level of performance are liable to be less than ideal.

I've appointed two of my children as executors and made a folder "In the Event of my Death". Which includes hints and tips to help them! I shall include those given here!

Smith's (or whatever it's called now) stock a useful guide with step by step instructions

Sorry for your loss.
I wasn’t my Mums’ executor. However as I was a retired Bank Manager it fell on me to do everything with the estate. I even did the Confirmation document required by the court to sort out all her estate.My brother was the executor and he signed anything requiring his signature. It was not difficult for me with my banking and estate law knowledge. This was in Scotland. There was a lot of work involved and it took a lot of time to do. I would suggest doing one thing at a time and keeping a record of everything as it is done.

I'm a lone executor right now, and don't feel lost, but I do feel very lonely and sometimes frightened of the responsibility - having to cope with it all on my own. It's been over a year now. House not selling and still lots of problems. I feel very stressed and exhausted. I have many sleepless nights due to everything I'm having to deal with, and without any help - except from solicitors, whose bills are mounting up.
I'm not even a beneficiary. It's a nightmare. I never want to do this again.

It’s a huge task, weighted with responsibility and emotion. Take your time and work out a methodology and try to use a spread sheet.

It didn’t help having two sisters who kept phoning the solicitor and increasing the bill 🤬🤬 as they didn’t believe I could be taking so long to deal with a property in the UK and a property in Spain

Mauduit24

These days when you register a death the registrar will ask you if you want to use tell us once . They notifiy all the relevant government agencies for you . One thing I have found useful is I have a book in which I have listed my final wishes. Filled it with all my relevant information such as bank details, , funeral arrangements, who is going to be the legacy contact for social media etc . Letters to loved ones bequests etc . Not that I’m planning on going anywhere anytime soon

If it works, did all but two for us. My mum had to chase up a couple of things.

I was sole executor for both my parents estate. Dealt with all the paperwork and probate myself. They were well below the inheritance tax threshold so straightforward compared to others. Didn’t need a solicitor.

I think it depends on the complexity of the estate. I was sole executor of my Dad's will and I did probate myself. There was only one property but several bank accounts, bonds and pensions.

Sadly my Uncle died shortly before my Dad so my cousin and I kind of stumbled through everything together - she was slightly ahead of me so I had an advantage.

I too shouted in a Bank, nearly gave up the will to live with National Savings and Investments and shuddered at the massively long forms sent by pension companies.

Nevertheless, my Dad died on November 10th, probate was granted on December 23rd and it cost me about £450. (This was 10 years ago).

I was lucky it wasn't over complicated, and it was something of a small distraction from the overwhelming grief. I figured I'd probably get just as frustrated with a solicitor who would be charging me thousands so I just kept plodding on with it all.

These days when you register a death the registrar will ask you if you want to use tell us once . They notifiy all the relevant government agencies for you . One thing I have found useful is I have a book in which I have listed my final wishes. Filled it with all my relevant information such as bank details, , funeral arrangements, who is going to be the legacy contact for social media etc . Letters to loved ones bequests etc . Not that I’m planning on going anywhere anytime soon

I was executor for both my parents . Thankfully they had left everything fairly straightforward. I did use my parents solicitor to do the probate process for me I felt it was money well spent. . Thankfully it was straightforward. . Things like utilities I contacted the companies bereavement teams to help . Allow yourself to grieve as well. Sending sympathies to you

jusnoneed

I was joint executor with my brother for my Dads will back in 2021. I did all the paperwork for probate etc, just got him to meet up and sign it when needed.
Found it all fairly easy, my biggest problem was proving I am me! No drivers licence/passport or photo ID of any sort. But I got there eventually.
Used a couple of websites for info on what to do and in which order. Kept a notebook going about everything I did, who I spoke to/dates etc. We cleared the house and sold it within a week of it going on the market. Sorted bequests to his grandchildren and split the rest with my brother.
Dad died Aug 2021 and we had it all done and dusted Feb 2022.

Fast going 👍🏻 glad it was straight forward. Sorry about your dad 😞

You can do your own probate I think 🤔

I found doing paperwork and phone calls a huge distraction from overwhelming grief when I was the sole executor for my DH. People I spoke to were sympathetic and didn’t expect too much of me. Bit concentrating on the official stuff did give me much needed distraction. I often wondered if he’d done the same had roles been reversed. I think he’d have employed a professional and then complained about the cost.

The cost of probate has gone up hugely and we applied well in advance of that at the original price. They just returned the cheque saying we'd missed the date and to pay the greater amount. Good job we paid extra postage to track the application and had evidence they received it way before the deadline! Sort of behaviour you might expect from a dodgy carpark company not a government department!

I was joint executor with my brother for my Dads will back in 2021. I did all the paperwork for probate etc, just got him to meet up and sign it when needed.
Found it all fairly easy, my biggest problem was proving I am me! No drivers licence/passport or photo ID of any sort. But I got there eventually.
Used a couple of websites for info on what to do and in which order. Kept a notebook going about everything I did, who I spoke to/dates etc. We cleared the house and sold it within a week of it going on the market. Sorted bequests to his grandchildren and split the rest with my brother.
Dad died Aug 2021 and we had it all done and dusted Feb 2022.

My husband and I are currently executors for my brother in law's will. He passed away last year.

We asked a solicitor to do most of the work, as we felt it would be too much for us.

The firm seem very efficient, but we know it will be expensive.

I've done probate with and without a will . I've done at least 5 but each time the form is different. The process for banks is different each time. Some before and some after Covid . Whilst I found the dealings to be a good outlet for my grief I fully understand that some people will feel differently
My husband could not deal with being an executor - not just emotionally but because he has no admin or computer skills.

When my daughter got her Will written, part of the fees she paid included appointing someone to help with any Executorship she might be assigned as. So she is the Executor for my Will and also her older Sister just because of that.

I used a solicitor recommended from the people who did our Wills. They were very reasonable and gave me a cost of doing it not a percentage which was a lot easier for me to understand. It did take at least six months though but they told me if I needed to do anything and a lot of the time I just had to provide them and the Banks or Finance Companies with the info either via email or sometimes using a digital secure application.

MartavTaurus

Both my parents died young and in both cases, although I was the only child, I was not appointed as executor. I think it was to spare me the grief in more ways than one. Solicitors and accountants dealt with some complicated matters, like property and investments abroad, so I was thankful not to be involved. It made tell my own children to use a solicitor when my time comes and not to tackle it themselves.

I'm sorry for your loss Confused123 and I can understand how overwhelming it might be.

An executor has to be 18 or over.

I was executor of my fathers will, and we used a solicitor but I felt we did most of the work and he just collated it and sent it off. When my mother died I did it myself, I think it gave me something to focus on and although it was fairly straightforward I was nervous of doing wrong but it worked out okay.
Again when my husband died, although doing it through grief and stress was hard the process was straightforward.
But I suppose it depends on how complicated an estate is.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I am the sole executor for my recently-deceased Dh. There is a lot of help online from official sources (I am in Scotland, England will have different resources) and I had a half hour free meeting with a lawyer.

I printed out the form and the notes to help fill it in and that helped me gather the information I needed. Basically, you’re making an inventory of all the deceased person’s possessions, both in monetary form (bank accounts etc) and objects (house/cars/valuables). It’s a slog to locate papers/online accounts and to get valuations but take it one step at a time and you’ll get there.

I’ve decided to get the lawyer to submit the form, but I’ve gathered all the relevant information myself, which I will hand over to them.

I was executor for my dad’s estate along with my two siblings, but did most of it myself as I’m local . We did use a solicitor as it was a bit complicated. And it was worth it . It was very stressful especially as I was dealing with my grief and my mothers .
I’m very sorry for your loss 💐